"Utah Caucuses" --Probably the biggest joke in the political system right after how difficult it is to register.
Read that again for me please because I think 90% of people will double-take and question what I'm talking about.
Let me enlighten you:
I've lived in Utah my whole life--minus a brief 2 year stint in West Virginia for religious prison. I've sat back and watched the political ball field through the years in my state. First, I was a silent observer because I wasn't of voting age, then I gained my citizenship--actually, I just turned 18, that's it, but that year I didn't vote for anything. Probably because I was inbetween the important elections, or probably because of the real issue:
To register to vote, you have to have a physical address. --I moved away from my parent's house at 17, but I was kind of inbetween--half of the time I was at my parents; half of the time I was in another city. I was in limbo and my life was very emotionally driven in those years--probably it still is.
The one year I voted, I absentee voted by mail because it's easier--while I was living in WV. I was 19 at the time, go me. It was for the president. It was against Obama--I think for McCain (shudders). I really had no clue what I was voting for because I was preoccupied with my religion and merely voted with what my religion told me to and what my parents told me to.
Ever since then, I haven't been able to vote.
...And if you think about it, that vote wasn't really a fair vote, it wasn't really reflective of me, it was reflective of my religion. So ya, I admit it: I don't vote. Not that I don't study the candidates, not that I don't talk politics. Not that I don't know who I Would vote for, but because of what I think most people call "disillusionment with the voting system"
After I got back from my religious stint, I lived in one house, then moved elsewhere in the county to another house, then moved back to Logan, then moved back to Plain City, then moved to North Ogden, Brigham city, Taylorsville, Slatterville, and now West Jordan.
When it comes time to vote, I've been "stuck at work"--well, to say that is kind of tricky: I've been at work all morning, afternoon and into the evening, then I guess things would pile up so I couldn't physically go down to where I needed to go to vote.
Furthermore, when I looked into voting by mail--Which is an option--I was told I had to register my new address with the county recorder--which is standard, sure, and it sounds simple enough, just print off this piece of paper and mail it to the recorder or go down there in person. --I don't even know where to go for that kind of thing....What's the address? What times of day can I go? Who is it?--Okay, maybe I'll choose option B) mail it in. But then I have to buy a stamp book, because I don't use stamps all that often. And envelops. Oh, and paper and ink for my printer--well, right now I don't even have a printer. So I guess I could go to the library?
Oh, and did I mention that I live in West Jordan but own a house in Taylorsville, and I won't be living in W. Jordan by the end of the year most likely? ...How many times do I have to change my address? how many stamps? How many pieces of paper printed? (I've moved 7 Times in the last 5 years.)
This is already looking like a lot of red tape, just to cast a vote.
Okay, let's add more red tape:
In Utah, the electoral college is still a little secretive in my mind. Who votes? Senators? House of Reps? I'm confused and it's all very blurry to me. No one taught this in my Citizenship course in High School, but what I do know is that it's all or nothing and it's always Republican here in Utah. [2012 it was 740,000 to 250,000 Rep- to Dem votes, so to make any leeway, 500,000 people or 1/6th of the state would have to vote strictly for democrats.--but did we award 1 collegate vote to Obama-Bidden? No. ]
So. I disagree with a lot of things the Republican party is saying these days. What options do I have here? Do I have any? --In light of past performance, 60-75% of the Utah popular vote goes to a republican candidate, I think the only thing to do is to appeal to the Republican party to hear my concerns.
Do I just send a letter to my senators (no, he'll throw it away along with all the rest of his junk mail).
How do you make any difference in Utah?
You caucus.
But that's silly. Not everyone goes or can go to the caucuses just the same as when they can't vote. They try to accommodate everyone, but how could they? It's just more red tape that people have to cross to get their voice heard here in the state.
Caucuses though--they sound so simple!
Here's how the republican caucus goes in the republican theocracy of Utah: They have a prayer. (which, I disagree with, because one can believe in God--one of the party's main beliefs--but that god could be the Buddhist God, or the Indian God, or the Scientology God, or the Muslim God or what have you, and they all pray very differently though they all tend to believe in that same god of the universe. How does one voice such a concern to their party?--it's not on the voting ballot).
Next, they elect caucus positions, and caucus delegates which are just another layer of separation between who has a voice and who doesn't in this state--the delegates vote on the positions in the state, such as senator or governor, not really the people; and sure, they are supposed to vote based on the people in their caucus--their neighbors, etc. but they don't always, and more often than not their neighbors don't say anything to them so they vote for who they themselves want to vote for.
All of this is very silly to me.
I get that we don't live in a Democracy, we live in a Republic, but this isn't even a Republic. The layer upon layer upon layer confuses things. So not only does the Utah vote come down to 6 people, it comes down to 6 people who are influenced by 40 people who are influenced by really just the 30 or 40 people who attend the republican caucus. Do the math, that's less than 10k people who influence 6/538 (1%) of the presidential campaign.
In order words, 10k people make up the 1% of political power here in Utah. 10K people are the 1%.
And even at the Republican Caucus I attended, 2 delegates represent me on the state level--they influence the Governor, the Senators, and I believe the house of reps--you know, that lowly position that is supposed to be an advocate for all the people in his or her jurisdiction but has very little power to do anything. Out of 40 people that were there, only 3 people ran for those 3 seats--I was one of them. To add to it, they allowed someone who was not even at the caucus to run --AND WIN--one of the seats. Is that fair? I wasn't aware that you could run for something and then not show up on the day of the election...?
This whole process seems to reinforce my belief about what is wrong with the republican party. People don't want to really be active--they don't want to run for delegate in the state, they would rather someone else do that. Then, they vote on delegates based not upon the lack of information--the guy who did the job previously but didn't show up somehow gets an exception and in fact may look better than other candidates. Lets vote for him.
I admit: I don't know the rules to delegates or to caucuses or even to the electoral college--or really anything. I just know that my voice is often disregarded, so why should I be anything other than disillusioned? I could take the time to figure it out, but in politics, time is everything and if you miss you shot it's a long time before you get another. Usually years.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Robotic Automation: Part 1
This is another one of this "ahah! moments." why didn't I see this earlier?
Soon, automation and robots will take over 95% of jobs. What's left will be creative jobs that require a lot of education (Not the present form of education that we think of, but the kind where you have to know a lot about a lot of things). Jobs like: Inventors, Engineers (of all kind), Artists and Designers, as well as resource managers, accountants, and sadly lawyers, salesmen, and politicians will be just about the only jobs necessary for our society.
In fact, it's starting right now. Your jobs are slowly being taken away and you probably don't realize it.
Customer service? --Nah, you're an actor, everything's scripted and a robot could do your job, you just sit here and pretend that you can help people.
Manufacturing? --Definitely nope. Your jobs were taken away a long time ago and only the poorest, weakest companies are relying on humans.
Bankers? --Nope. Finance isn't about making decisions, it's about upselling you on different loans or lying about your qualifications so that you get a different kind of loan. The hard work of finance is taken care of by mathematically algorithms. And Tellers? Ever heard of an Automatic Teller Machine? If people could figure out how to use one they wouldn't go to a teller.
Wake up everyone! We as a human race have hit the ceiling of our present understanding of how life is supposed to work. It's time to evolve our way of thinking or be left behind!
People talked about this day back in the 70s when robotics were taking hold of the human mind. Slowly machines started manufacturing things for us. Then, last year, the 3D printer became a valid reality. Anyone can obtain one if they want one... Except for maybe people outside of Amazon's shipping radius of 75+ countries.
The future is now.
We live in a world where anyone can make any product that they can think of and have it in under 1 month. How you ask?
1. Hire a freelancer from one of the freelance sites like Odesk to do a CAD drawing of a sketch that you drew. Can't draw? Hire a 13 year old next door to do it for you.
2. Next, hire another freelancer online or a local who you know has a 3D printer to produce 1 prototype of the device.
3. Record a video of the device in action using your Cell phone.
4. Hire a video editor freelancer to mash up the video and make it interesting--actually, maybe even come to them before you record it and ask for tips and that you'll hire them to edit it when you're done.
5. Share your video online on social media.
6. Set up an online campaign through one of the big online advertisers (Google, Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin etc etc) under a pay per click model.
7. Use the same process to design and create the boxes that you'll be shipping in.
8. For the first few orders you can rely on someone else to use their 3D printer to print your product. After a while though you can get your own 3D printer and print a product every time you sell it.
--Guess what? If you use this model you effectively diminish the business risk down to just the price of hiring freelancers, the cost of a 3d printer, and any piecemeal fees for things like paying UPS to ship it, paying for 3D plastic reels, paying an online store a commission, etc.--Let me break down that cost for you: Freelance designers will design packaging for you for $20 in some other country. Editors charge $15-$50 to edit a simple video of your product and make it presentable. A CAD designer will probably charge you $15-100 to make your thingamajig. The 3D printer only costs $1500.
That means your first prototype will cost somewhere less than $2,000
That's $166/Mo for a year, or $5.50/day for 365 days. --Go without that video game you're eyeing, skip lunch every day, cut corners here and there until you come up with $2,000. Borrow the money from a pool of friends, pawn your old toys, or even take out a microloan.
After that, all of your expenses are -per product-. That's fancy because that means when a customer buys your product you already know: it costs this much to make it, plus I need to earn back my $2000, plus I want to make X dollars per unit as my share for being an inventor and risk taker. If the customer complains about the price, tell them to go make it themselves, because this is the minimum price you could make it for.
And that's only talking about tangible products--there is also software/digital products which you can use the same formula to get the same result.
We live in the future!
Sunday, February 28, 2016
What I Want
I started podcasting this but stopped. I said all that needed to be said:
"My problem isn't that I don't have the tools, don't have the mindset, don't have the skills, don't have the drive, don't have the resources, don't have the creativity. My problem is that I don't see the future. I don't know what I want and therefore don't want it bad enough to go after it.
--Actually, I do know what I want and it's nothing I have control over because what I want is to have things happen out of my control that are exactly what I want. There are things I can do to take full control over it, but I don't want it to be forced and so I simply do not want to do it.
This is why Macbeth is my favorite Shakespeare play. Because it points out the problem of taking control over your destiny. He sees what he wants--he doesn't want it at first, but the weird sisters tell him that it's going to happen and when he sees the potential of it, that's when he realizes that he wants it. --I feel ya there! People have made it clear to me that it's possible, the thing that I want, and I'm very good at getting to my point of "Thane of Cawdor," and I can totally believe it. But then when I have the knife in my hand and I see my king lying right there, the whole rest of the story plays through my mind and torments me.
I don't want it to happen that way. I want it to happen naturally.
I know people who would kill to be in my situation. They would be Macbeth. They would be king for a time and they would die a king--just like macbeth. But I would not want that.
"My problem isn't that I don't have the tools, don't have the mindset, don't have the skills, don't have the drive, don't have the resources, don't have the creativity. My problem is that I don't see the future. I don't know what I want and therefore don't want it bad enough to go after it.
--Actually, I do know what I want and it's nothing I have control over because what I want is to have things happen out of my control that are exactly what I want. There are things I can do to take full control over it, but I don't want it to be forced and so I simply do not want to do it.
This is why Macbeth is my favorite Shakespeare play. Because it points out the problem of taking control over your destiny. He sees what he wants--he doesn't want it at first, but the weird sisters tell him that it's going to happen and when he sees the potential of it, that's when he realizes that he wants it. --I feel ya there! People have made it clear to me that it's possible, the thing that I want, and I'm very good at getting to my point of "Thane of Cawdor," and I can totally believe it. But then when I have the knife in my hand and I see my king lying right there, the whole rest of the story plays through my mind and torments me.
I don't want it to happen that way. I want it to happen naturally.
I know people who would kill to be in my situation. They would be Macbeth. They would be king for a time and they would die a king--just like macbeth. But I would not want that.
Repetition
I started to write an article and then realized that I probably said that already. It was very deja vu and I thought perhaps I shouldn't say it (at least not in that context) since I think I Said that already.
I'm going to do a seach for it after I Write it and see how accurate I can quote myself:
"There is a famous movie quote from 'The Good the Bad and the Ugly' where Tuco says 'If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?' and I think that applies to the way we as a society funciton."
Search inconclusive.
--So I guess I haven't said this yet even though it seems like I have. Maybe I'll proceed with that post after this one.
But what I wanted to write right at this time is that it seems like I've been repeating myself a lot lately. I am hung up on all these quotes and beliefs and ideas that circle around my head and I keep coming back to them. I think I use them as defining ideals of my life and why I'm stuck in the situation I'm stuck in.
What am I stuck in?
I am unhappy working a job for someone else and the package that comes with it. Actually, it started with being upset that I didn't have a place of my own to invite friends over and blaming that on why I didn't have close friends and why I had a lot of secrets.
Really it was that I was uncomfortable explaining my life decisions to people. Still am. And mostly that's because I don't know how to communicate it completely--it's still hanging over me and I don't have closure over it and I'm still making sense of it and until I have closure and a way to make sense of it I don't think I can explain it simply.
--Explaining it simply...that's really what everything in my brain comes down to. I repeat thoughts over and over and over trying to pick them apart until I can concisely say them in words and make sense of them.--that's what we all do to an extent, but I think my mind wraps around really complex things that are incredibly deep.
So back to the previous statement. I'm unhappy working for someone else not because of the someone else, per say, but because of the implicates that come with it. I don't like feeling ripped off, and that's how I feel. I feel as though I'm getting ripped off in so many way: I have to live a certain lifestyle that supports being away from home for 8+ hours a day. I have to lock myself into a living place close to my work otherwise I waste so much time. I have to solve new problems that I've already solved such as how to make friends in new places, how to not be bored. How to feel good about myself and manage stress from things I have no control about because my bosses have control over them.
I look at my whole situation and I think: I'm selling myself. I sell my energy, skills and time and I get back money, but I can't use that money right now because I don't have the time, or energy. What kind of joke is this? I had time and energy but no money and I was genuinely satisfied with that. What I wasn't satisfied with and I didn't reconcile with was whether I would be able to continue it in the future and I struggled with the feeling that society was looking down on me. . .
Whether I would be able to continue that, and whether society really was looking down on me is up for debate, but whether I have the time and energy now to spend my money, is not.
I definitely prefer that life over this one. This one I think will only be temporary and I need to get a different game plan in place...again.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Why I keep living
I think it keeps coming back to this...
Why do I keep living?
And the answer I keep coming up with is that I simply don't know.
I don't know and until I know why I keep living and can gauge (accurately) that whatever that is is no longer valid--then I guess I'll keep living.
Life is mundane. Life is repetitive and cyclical. At times it seems like all that happens year after year is that the name change, the players change, and we keep doing the same things.
There will always be an annoying presence in your life. There will always be a fearful presence in your life. There will always be something to make you mad--and you will be damn lucky if those things are less fierce than they were the previous year.
Maybe Buddhists are right: life is just one giant wheel that keeps spinning over and over--[though I disagree that it's anything to worship or change your life in any way to study or spiritualize it]
The hardest challenge I have come across in life isn't getting past the bullies, it isn't getting past being lonely, it isn't graduating or gaining confidence to interact with other people. The hardest thing I forsee for myself and for everyone is learning to be comfortable with who you are on the space-time continuum.
Who you are right here and right now.
That's what counts, and I guess sometimes I get frustrated because I'm lacking on one of those three (who, here, now). Most often I'm fine being who I am. Most often I'm okay with being here. But occasionally, I don't want to be right now. And maybe that's what my whole death vibe is--I don't want to be right now, even though I want to be who I am, and where I am.
I've psychoanalyzed this enough to know:
I do want to be a nice guy. I do want to have money and financial security. I do want to be healthy. I do want to be positive. I do want to be intelligent. I do want to be giving. I do want to be active. I wouldn't trade any of these good things away because I'm happy with the levels they are at.
I like where I am. I like having a job, I like having a place of my own. I like being able to drive a short ways to get access to all these camp sites and hiking spots and beautiful locations.
Yet, I don't want these things right now. I want them 10 years from now. I want them 5 years from now. I wanted them 5 years ago and 10 years ago but didn't realize that I would have to make tradeoffs for them. These tradeoffs would be fine if I had what I have right now Plus a little more. --greed--If I had more friends, mentors, proteges, comrades, a family, and I had more experiences on the outside of whatever category I fit in right now (Utahns? Westerners? Idk). If I had that, it would be different.
I guess looking at it this way puts it into perspective.
I'm free.
Financially, Mentally, Physically. Hell, I'm even emotionally free to feel however I want to feel whenever I Want to feel it whether positive or negative, because I know how to make an emotional choice about what I hold onto and what I let go of. --Not many people have this. Not many people are as free as I am, and I take it for granted because my freedom isn't challenged enough. People aren't constantly opressing me the way they should be--or at least the way they do with other people. They literally leave me alone and I complain about that. ...hmmm
Why do I keep living?
And the answer I keep coming up with is that I simply don't know.
I don't know and until I know why I keep living and can gauge (accurately) that whatever that is is no longer valid--then I guess I'll keep living.
Life is mundane. Life is repetitive and cyclical. At times it seems like all that happens year after year is that the name change, the players change, and we keep doing the same things.
There will always be an annoying presence in your life. There will always be a fearful presence in your life. There will always be something to make you mad--and you will be damn lucky if those things are less fierce than they were the previous year.
Maybe Buddhists are right: life is just one giant wheel that keeps spinning over and over--[though I disagree that it's anything to worship or change your life in any way to study or spiritualize it]
The hardest challenge I have come across in life isn't getting past the bullies, it isn't getting past being lonely, it isn't graduating or gaining confidence to interact with other people. The hardest thing I forsee for myself and for everyone is learning to be comfortable with who you are on the space-time continuum.
Who you are right here and right now.
That's what counts, and I guess sometimes I get frustrated because I'm lacking on one of those three (who, here, now). Most often I'm fine being who I am. Most often I'm okay with being here. But occasionally, I don't want to be right now. And maybe that's what my whole death vibe is--I don't want to be right now, even though I want to be who I am, and where I am.
I've psychoanalyzed this enough to know:
I do want to be a nice guy. I do want to have money and financial security. I do want to be healthy. I do want to be positive. I do want to be intelligent. I do want to be giving. I do want to be active. I wouldn't trade any of these good things away because I'm happy with the levels they are at.
I like where I am. I like having a job, I like having a place of my own. I like being able to drive a short ways to get access to all these camp sites and hiking spots and beautiful locations.
Yet, I don't want these things right now. I want them 10 years from now. I want them 5 years from now. I wanted them 5 years ago and 10 years ago but didn't realize that I would have to make tradeoffs for them. These tradeoffs would be fine if I had what I have right now Plus a little more. --greed--If I had more friends, mentors, proteges, comrades, a family, and I had more experiences on the outside of whatever category I fit in right now (Utahns? Westerners? Idk). If I had that, it would be different.
I guess looking at it this way puts it into perspective.
I'm free.
Financially, Mentally, Physically. Hell, I'm even emotionally free to feel however I want to feel whenever I Want to feel it whether positive or negative, because I know how to make an emotional choice about what I hold onto and what I let go of. --Not many people have this. Not many people are as free as I am, and I take it for granted because my freedom isn't challenged enough. People aren't constantly opressing me the way they should be--or at least the way they do with other people. They literally leave me alone and I complain about that. ...hmmm
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Depression is Nihlism is Life
I want to die most days.
That's what I've amounted to.
I wouldn't say I want to kill myself but I don't think it's all that easy to die.
My life has amounted to a cycle of what I call simply "living." I find things I enjoy and move towards them. I find things I don't like and I change them. And often times I don't like myself, so I change.
It has been a long, drug out process. I've become who I thought I wanted to be and slowly tweaked it over and over as I learned that I don't want to be that exactly. --It's the life of a perfectionist and I don't want to be a perfectionist.
I know a lot of things that I don't want to be and very few things that I want to be. I've found that there are many things that I can't change about myself and I've learned that part of life is accepting the things you can't change about yourself.--and that's unsettling to me.
I think if people really knew me. The full me. The one I have to live with every day, they would say that my biggest fault is that I'm a dreamer. I dream too much. I think too much, and that's the same thing really: creativity flows in many ways and for me it's easy. It's been a long time since I had "writers block"--I don't even think that's a thing anymore. I think you either have creativity or you don't--of which I have plenty--or you learn to trigger creativity --of which I must have learned the secret formula.
A lot of my life has been ruined by things I know. When people perform magic tricks, if I know the outcome I hate the process. People trying to deceive me--I hate that too because I know the outcome and usually know the process and I just have to sit through life and wait for it to play out. I'm very impatient and it's one of the many things that I try to accept about myself and try to change--but I've always been this way.
Let's shift gears for a moment:
I usually have a really hard time coming up with things that I want. I prefer to let things happen and react to them I guess, because the times when I worked for what I wanted I became jaded about them.
But what I've always wanted and never achieved is a family to come home to. Perhaps because I'm a hard headed asshole. Perhaps because I'm a jerk when I'm angry. Perhaps because I get clingy and needy. --Ya. Maybe it's that. But more likely its that I can't relate to anyone. I hate feeling superior and I'm sure others hate feeling inferior and in some ways I'm just superior. I hate that about myself. I hate that I'm naturally good and I hate that I know so much about so many things and I hate that I have so many fucking experiences that the average jerk on the street doesn't. I hate this shit because I know I'm sitting on potential. I know I'm sitting on wisdom from hard lessons, and I have no one who understands them. I have only me and I don't like myself.
I've hashed this over numerous times. I've written about relationships before. I've described the philosophy of them and how they should work. I've analyzed them and picked them apart and I still feel like somewhat of an expert on them--I know what people need to do to have good relationships and I know how to keep relationships. But that's not the point. I can keep any relationship if I just mix the right amount of avoidance and keep my mouth shut now and again. >>>The point is that I want a GOOD relationship. --And that's something I don't have full control over.
I tend to go through life collecting baggage. People see me as secure. They see me as stable (if they only knew) they see me as a dream because all they see is what's on the surface.
People want relationships with me. They want me in their life and with some people I treat them like shit and they still want me in their life. But I don't have healthy relationships. I don't have good relationships. I do my part 90% of the time and they do their part 10-50% of the time. Or maybe they do their part in the beginning but they get tired because it's a lot of work. I don't know, I'm not them, I'm just me.
I just care about people. I listen until I get stressed out and really need to say something and then I say it. I respect people and their decisions and opinions. But I know I'm different. I know my opinions are different and sometimes people can't handle those opinions and they can't respect me. I know some people can't talk and I have nothing to listen to and some people can't listen and I get frustrated. I know that some people have been damaged and they can't receive caring. And if you can't receive that then you can't be loved.
I know how to love and be loved. And it kills me inside. Loving is not human even though it's at the root of our nature. I say that because I mean that so few people know how to truly love. I want to be loved and respected.
I want to be loved and respected.
That's what I've amounted to.
I wouldn't say I want to kill myself but I don't think it's all that easy to die.
My life has amounted to a cycle of what I call simply "living." I find things I enjoy and move towards them. I find things I don't like and I change them. And often times I don't like myself, so I change.
It has been a long, drug out process. I've become who I thought I wanted to be and slowly tweaked it over and over as I learned that I don't want to be that exactly. --It's the life of a perfectionist and I don't want to be a perfectionist.
I know a lot of things that I don't want to be and very few things that I want to be. I've found that there are many things that I can't change about myself and I've learned that part of life is accepting the things you can't change about yourself.--and that's unsettling to me.
I think if people really knew me. The full me. The one I have to live with every day, they would say that my biggest fault is that I'm a dreamer. I dream too much. I think too much, and that's the same thing really: creativity flows in many ways and for me it's easy. It's been a long time since I had "writers block"--I don't even think that's a thing anymore. I think you either have creativity or you don't--of which I have plenty--or you learn to trigger creativity --of which I must have learned the secret formula.
A lot of my life has been ruined by things I know. When people perform magic tricks, if I know the outcome I hate the process. People trying to deceive me--I hate that too because I know the outcome and usually know the process and I just have to sit through life and wait for it to play out. I'm very impatient and it's one of the many things that I try to accept about myself and try to change--but I've always been this way.
Let's shift gears for a moment:
I usually have a really hard time coming up with things that I want. I prefer to let things happen and react to them I guess, because the times when I worked for what I wanted I became jaded about them.
But what I've always wanted and never achieved is a family to come home to. Perhaps because I'm a hard headed asshole. Perhaps because I'm a jerk when I'm angry. Perhaps because I get clingy and needy. --Ya. Maybe it's that. But more likely its that I can't relate to anyone. I hate feeling superior and I'm sure others hate feeling inferior and in some ways I'm just superior. I hate that about myself. I hate that I'm naturally good and I hate that I know so much about so many things and I hate that I have so many fucking experiences that the average jerk on the street doesn't. I hate this shit because I know I'm sitting on potential. I know I'm sitting on wisdom from hard lessons, and I have no one who understands them. I have only me and I don't like myself.
I've hashed this over numerous times. I've written about relationships before. I've described the philosophy of them and how they should work. I've analyzed them and picked them apart and I still feel like somewhat of an expert on them--I know what people need to do to have good relationships and I know how to keep relationships. But that's not the point. I can keep any relationship if I just mix the right amount of avoidance and keep my mouth shut now and again. >>>The point is that I want a GOOD relationship. --And that's something I don't have full control over.
I tend to go through life collecting baggage. People see me as secure. They see me as stable (if they only knew) they see me as a dream because all they see is what's on the surface.
People want relationships with me. They want me in their life and with some people I treat them like shit and they still want me in their life. But I don't have healthy relationships. I don't have good relationships. I do my part 90% of the time and they do their part 10-50% of the time. Or maybe they do their part in the beginning but they get tired because it's a lot of work. I don't know, I'm not them, I'm just me.
I just care about people. I listen until I get stressed out and really need to say something and then I say it. I respect people and their decisions and opinions. But I know I'm different. I know my opinions are different and sometimes people can't handle those opinions and they can't respect me. I know some people can't talk and I have nothing to listen to and some people can't listen and I get frustrated. I know that some people have been damaged and they can't receive caring. And if you can't receive that then you can't be loved.
I know how to love and be loved. And it kills me inside. Loving is not human even though it's at the root of our nature. I say that because I mean that so few people know how to truly love. I want to be loved and respected.
I want to be loved and respected.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Forced Respect
Which is better?
Forcing people to earn your respect, or respecting people who do things on their own accord without force of manipulation. -- 6/23/2012
--- It's been a long time since I Wrote that and I'm not sure where I was going to go with that idea, but I have a little bit of spare time to write and figure I'll expand.
I think it is better to grant everyone respect first, and then have them lose it when they do things to harm you/against you. In other words, treat everyone as a friend and then when they prove otherwise, take your respect away from them,
The alternative seems to be treat everyone as an enemy and until they do things to assist and benefit you, don't give them respect.
That type of world just seems too harsh, too scary, too dark, and purposeless. If we went through life in a cold-war state of affairs I don't think it would be good at all. I don't think we should attack neutral bodies, nor should we describe neutral bodies.
A person is your friend until they get motions of greed or jealousy or refuse to work through conflicts.
There is a philosophical accord that says it is unethical to fire upon someone until they fire on you. This is the dilemma police forces have. They must perceive the fear of deadly force before they are legally protected to make the decision to fire their weapon.
In the movies, they disregard this accord. Soldiers and police forces, detectives, even mercenaries engage in war and fighting before they see any sign of threat. They will pull weapons on people who are running away and tell them not to move or they'll shoot--this kind of cultural portrayal is silly though and to the trained individual (one who understands these ramifications) such characters can be construed to be excessively agressive, violent, irrational, and 'non-benevolent'. I think a good story would reserve such characters for the 'bad' guys or the 'noir' types (where character are notoriously neutral-but-self-serving).---But I think in this day and age people understand that noir movies are not accurate depictions of the real world and I've seen most contemporary noir films transform to be blatantly exaggerated[such as sci-fi worlds or larger-than-life characters]
No.
Respect should be given to everyone. Peace should be the first response. alw
Forcing people to earn your respect, or respecting people who do things on their own accord without force of manipulation. -- 6/23/2012
--- It's been a long time since I Wrote that and I'm not sure where I was going to go with that idea, but I have a little bit of spare time to write and figure I'll expand.
I think it is better to grant everyone respect first, and then have them lose it when they do things to harm you/against you. In other words, treat everyone as a friend and then when they prove otherwise, take your respect away from them,
The alternative seems to be treat everyone as an enemy and until they do things to assist and benefit you, don't give them respect.
That type of world just seems too harsh, too scary, too dark, and purposeless. If we went through life in a cold-war state of affairs I don't think it would be good at all. I don't think we should attack neutral bodies, nor should we describe neutral bodies.
A person is your friend until they get motions of greed or jealousy or refuse to work through conflicts.
There is a philosophical accord that says it is unethical to fire upon someone until they fire on you. This is the dilemma police forces have. They must perceive the fear of deadly force before they are legally protected to make the decision to fire their weapon.
In the movies, they disregard this accord. Soldiers and police forces, detectives, even mercenaries engage in war and fighting before they see any sign of threat. They will pull weapons on people who are running away and tell them not to move or they'll shoot--this kind of cultural portrayal is silly though and to the trained individual (one who understands these ramifications) such characters can be construed to be excessively agressive, violent, irrational, and 'non-benevolent'. I think a good story would reserve such characters for the 'bad' guys or the 'noir' types (where character are notoriously neutral-but-self-serving).---But I think in this day and age people understand that noir movies are not accurate depictions of the real world and I've seen most contemporary noir films transform to be blatantly exaggerated[such as sci-fi worlds or larger-than-life characters]
No.
Respect should be given to everyone. Peace should be the first response. alw
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