Fears

I keep finding that all of my fears about life are rational ones and that it is good that I fear these things.

How do I know this? --I have experienced it for myself, and others who have had more experience than I have told me so.

If my ethos means anything to my readers, I hope that it means that you trust me because of my experiences. I can talk you through things, I can explain things, and I can only explain them because I have witnessed them. I don't write anything on here that I don't believe is true.

And that is the great mystery of scholars: truth isn't universally accepted and agreed upon--it's relative.

So although I may have these experiences, I may fear things, I may assume things from what knowledge that I have, at the end of the day this truth is only pertinent to me. You have to find your own version of the truth for yourself, even if you trust me, you still NEED to follow through and experiment on my logic--test it out.

I am not sure if this is true, but I believe most of you, my readers, are truth seekers who are well acquainted with the "test it out" method. --first you hear of an idea, then you try it for yourself, then if it dosen't work, you are hesitant to believe it. It is a fear of mine that those who study my works, whether verbal, written in this blog, in any of my blogs, in any of my poetry, in any of my books, in any of my films--my fear is that you will choose not to test it out. I may not know all of the "truth", and for that you shouldn't believe every word I say. And the antithesis is also true: I may actually know the truth, and you should believe me. But in both the scenarios, I think you should test it out for yourself.

I used to think I didn't fear anything.--that may be true in some senses--I don't fear the irrational. I don't fear things that are mythic, things like ghosts, zombies, super volcanos. these things I don't fear. But I do fear the rational: I fear that people, out of ignorance, will disrupt my world. I fear that society, in wickedness, will destroy the ways of God. I fear that you, my friends, will cease to see me as a friend, because I say 'hard" things. --I tell the truth as often as I can and for that I have lost many a friend and made many enemies.

But my fears are all counted by hope: I hope that society, although drifting into wicked ways, will spare the ways of God. I hope that people, although ignorant, will not be capable of disrupting my world, and I hope that you as my friends, will help me to come to the truth if ever I am false. I hope that you as my friends will not run away from me though I speak truth. I hope that you, as friends, will care enough about me to challenge me and check me on those things I fail at.
That is what I expect out of my friends: I expect my friends to be "loyal" or "loving" enough, that they'll stick up for what they have come to know is true, and that they will teach me their ways and we can come to compromise and share truth freely. That is what a friend is to me.