Relational Theory

Wikipedia states that Relational Theory is a framework to understand reality or a physical system in such a way that the positions and other properties of objects are only meaningful relative to other objects.

In other words, for us to understand certain things we have to apply them to some sort of framework so that they have meaning between them.--that kind of puts a spin on what a "relationship" is, right? Isn't a relationship a framework that we create in order to understand ourselves in relation to another person? We look at the relationship we have with other people and determine whether we have crossed boundaries, whether we are filling our role, whether the other person is significant to us, can help us or harm us, etc. Yes, you can look at a relationship as a framework used to understand reality that will create meaning and purpose in your life.

I have narrowed down some of the components of a GREAT relationship and I continue to study this aspect of humanity every day in an attempt to learn more, but my findings thus far have been:

1. Every great relationship must have mutual acknowledgement.
2. Every great relationship must have mutual acceptance.
3. Every great relationship must have mutual appreciation.

1. Both parties in the relationship must know each other--they must treat each other the way they want to be treated and recognize that they are human beings with equal flaws and strengths. They must realize that it is the differences and diversity that make us excel together, not the similarities. They must let the other person know that they recognize their existence.

2. Acceptance is key for a relationship to grow. The best relationships are completely accepting of the other person. Every decision they make, regardless of how horrible, the other person will not judge them or criticize them or treat them negatively because of their decisions, the emotions they feel, opinions they have, or things they have no control over.

3. As if the first two aren't enough, appreciation is also necessary. Both parties need to know that they are contributing to the relationship, that their efforts aren't wasted, that they aren't living in an emotional fantasy land. Both parties need to sense from the other person that they want them around and are glad that they are around.

In order to understand a relationship you need to look at the components that make up the whole. If there are problems with these three basic components then it is easy to explain why the relationship is less than ideal or not how either party wants it to be. These three things are the basic foundation for change in a relationship. Provide them successfully and you will see very few problems. Fail to provide them and you will see many problems, from mistrust, fighting, attacking, disrespect, running away, etc.

Though these three components sound simple, the hard part is not having these components for the other person, the complexity comes in how we let the other person see that we acknowledge them , accept them, and appreciate them.--and vise-versa:  allowing ourselves to recognize that the other person is acknowledging us, accepting us, and appreciating us.