I've never really had an interest in this topic until recently, upon reading a few interesting articles and watching some videos here and there on the subject. I posted one article, and my comment to that article on my other blog, 3blindbarren The article is by a guy whose pseudonym is Dr Nerdlove (a harp back to dr. strangelove I assume?)
Basically, I think that Dr Nerdlove did a good job of explaining why this is an interesting topic:
Men of previous generations (pre 1960s) were different than our definition of men now. Post 1960, men, as a whole, have become more effeminate and things that we once thought of as "manly" have been put under threat. Men are no longer the sole breadwinner, they are expected to be assertive and aggressive but not so assertive that they are offensive--this seems to remove dominance from the list of traits that make up a man. --read Nerdlove's article for a good recap of these things.
What Nerdlove's article does is narrow down the argument to two concepts, an either or statement: Men are different, but similar, from women (which I call the segregation argument), or men are equal to women in all ways except their sex--that gender is made up and all humans are humans (which I call the equality argument).
---Ok, I wrote the intro 3 paragraphs a few weeks ago but never finished/posted this article... [Sept 3]
I think I prescribe to the equality argument when it boils down to it. Men and women, these days, are or should be equal in every way to men: in a capitalist system and in a socialist system, men and women ought to be paid the same amount based on skill level. They should be required to work and earn a living for themselves, which...right now I believe the minimum requirement is somewhere around $16K/year. Men and women should be accepted into public offices and organizations based on skill. Men and women should do equal share of housework. Etc. etc.
--More... [Oct 6]
Culturally, I thought I knew what everyone thought about gender: what is a man and what is a woman? But when I thought about it more, I realized I only knew what people said in the moment and that there are a few discrepancies that people don't realize. Like: not all men are macho--a macho man is confident--confident men hold themselves a certain way, they "cool" and calm...but...macho men also have tempers--when they're mad they'll "growl" the way a dog growls to scare away enemies. No.... Not all men are like that. Look in the movies (Because movies are good reference points for stereotyped/not-real-but-not-unreal characters), there are several "Men" played by Brad Pitt or George Clooney, Matt Damon or Will Smith, who don't "growl" who aren't over-buff, who might be a little nerdy, who aren't 100% confident, so on and so forth.
So thinking about that, I realize there are two parts to this:
P1 "What Makes a Man?" --From the cultural perspective; or better put: what universal traits would everyone agree on make up a man?
&&
P2. "What Makes up a Man?" --From a universal truth perspective of how it OUGHT to be in an ideal world of peace equality happiness and so forth.
--I watched a speech by Emma Watson who talked about, I think, the P2 What makes up a man. (she professes to be a traditional feminist, if you're wondering)
And she sounds like she could be a prominent figurehead for the feminist movement into the future...
But I feel like someone needs to tell her (and everyone else) that before we can get from here to there, we need to start with P1--we need to figure out what people presently believe, and then when we find the common ground that everyone agrees on, we can then present an argument to them to get them to agree on what the P2 universal truth of what men OUGHT to be.
I spoke to a good friend about this topic briefly and something he said made me really REALLY dive into this.
He said: "A Man takes care of his own."
I've investigated this statement and think it's true: a man takes care of himself, his possessions, his reponsibilites, his family, etc etc.
That got me thinking. What makes a woman though? because don't women do the same and doesn't society do the same? --And I don't think so.
Soceity expects women to take care of themselves and their kids, sure, but women aren't all held up to the standard that the way men are. They aren't as pressured to go out and find a job--there aren't as many stigmas attached to women without jobs as there is with men without jobs--among other things.
[continue:1/1/2015]
I don't know what I have said above--I'm not even going to read it, I just want to post this article.
Society as of 1/1/2015 believes that Men are: "Bearded, Tough, Working a Hard Job, at times Cutthroat, Emotionally Distant, Domineering, Muscular, and Physically Attractive." If you don't fit that as a male, part of society will always consider you a boy.
However, in my experience, if you fit that, all the "boys" will hate you and all the "men" will want to get rid of you.
Society as of 1/1/205 believes that Women are: "Curvy-thin, Clad in Makeup, Working hard to look good, Always Cutthroat, Emotionally Sensitive, Dominant, Fit, and Physically Attractive" and if you don't fit that as a female then part of society will never consider you a real woman.
But all of this is preposterous, and superficial. These are all surface attributes that don't target the real deal.
Now, I don't agree with this 100%, but a better way for society to express their differences between men and women would be to make the following statement:
"Men take care of their own. Women are taken care of." --Because it highlights that really, all these superficial traits indicate that men are supposed to take care of everything--run the world, politics, conquest, take care of their body, take care of their possessions, etc. and that women are some form of possession--that they should be owned by a man, that they should be the best possession--become the most valuable gem that he keeps in his treasure chest.
Interestingly, it also reflects a deep-rooted truth about society: that they are solely focused on DragonLust--Gather up the riches of the world into your stronghold and defend it against everyone. Become the greatest so that you can add that title to your storeroom. Amass everything there is, wealth, beauty, knowledge, fame, respect, power, etc etc. And to what end?
Thursday, January 1, 2015
A Perfect World
I just woke up from a weird dream/nap that I think was my mind solidifying a few concepts for me.
It's weird how our minds work while we sleep, compartmentalizing data and building connections to other experiences as emotions in an attempt to make sense of things and improve memory.
Well...
I think it has finally dawned on me that there is no way for our society to go from a where it is now to a perfect state. There isn't going to be a second coming, a christ-like savior isn't going to come, religious soldiers aren't going to kill every non-believer, and I can provide you logical reasons why not. No amount of believing in that kind of thing is going to make it happen. The only way for it to happen is to stop believing and start doing--beliefs, hopes and dreams never accomplished goals like planing, decision making, work, and taking action. But Religion isn't the answer.
Politics isn't either. In fact, religion is just another breed of politics. People believe in a candidate, they hope that their candidate will amass enough votes, that the population will believe in them enough and their cause that they can take office and then they have faith that their candidate has the moral gumption to do what they say and is intelligent enough to make good decisions and so on and so forth. Every election, in our democratic republic, is another revolution, it's another hopeful second coming, and each go around the candidates get stuck in either failing to be popular enough to amass the necessary votes even though they have brilliant ideas, or getting the votes but being so bogged down by their impossible promises to people and the red tape and their opposition that they can't make the necessary impact that they need to to further society. Politics isn't the answer either because it's too caught up in being politics.
Technology, as we've proven recently, isn't the answer either. We've accomplished various goals through technology but at specific costs that negate any advances we've made. America, one of the most technologically advanced nations in the world, hasn't really improved the lives of it's citizens. Sure we can provide everyone with food, but we still have starving children here, most people are either malnutritioned or overweight. We have essentially built a society where we spend our time coming up with the cures to the things that plague us, except that the technology isn't free so we charge for it, and everyone who deals or sells a "cure" is essentially bartering their version of a cure for another version of a cure and no one really has the cure for anything, even the rich who you would think have the means to live a perfect life--yet they are so preoccupied with maintaining wealth that their wealth becomes a sickness or burden for them and no one has been able to cure that sickness as of yet (and in my opinion never will). [and no I'm not saying wealth is sickness, I'm saying that getting lost in the complicated realm of obtaining, maintaining, and dispersing wealth is a sickness. )
It's nice to have hopes that one day the world will wake up and we'll all be cured, that we can live in a golden age of peace where everyone is nice, caring and emotionally connected, where we don't have want of food, lack of water, shelter, clothing, that we can be free of unfair biases, that if we want something we have the complete--unhindered--ability to accomplish that thing.
But this dream I had seemed to spin the tapestry for me clearly:
If we want to live in a "perfect" world, one with all those things above: people are free to do whatever they want, they aren't hindered by others, where conflicts are easily resolved because we have all the tools to resolve them, there is no hunger, no want. Sure, in this world there will be conflict, there will be hardships like inclement weather and bad times, but people will pull together and make it through. People may be angry but they'll be emotionally mature enough to make amends for anything their anger does to others and resolve the conflicts they have with those who make them angry.
It IS possible. . .
We have all the knowledge we need to do it. We know the "science" of conflict, we know how to cure world hunger and resolve all of our water problems throughout the world. We have the means of curing 99% of the worlds diseases.
But what we don't have is people.
We don't have real people.
We don't have emotionally mature, physically mature, and mentally mature people to do it.
We would almost be better off if we took a few of our "best" people (not our smartest or strongest or bravest or whatever, but overall best--physically, mentally, emotionally) and left this world to start a new one.---but again, that wouldn't work because it would cost too much, too many people would stick their fingers in the pot and put their own spin on everything and add their own requirements to the point that it wouldn't work.
All of this is depressing, I know. But let me give you the hopeful side of things:
We can build a perfect world within ourselves. we can be happy, and at peace individually or among a very select group of individuals. All it takes is the know-how, desire, and the determination to see through to the end.
It's weird how our minds work while we sleep, compartmentalizing data and building connections to other experiences as emotions in an attempt to make sense of things and improve memory.
Well...
I think it has finally dawned on me that there is no way for our society to go from a where it is now to a perfect state. There isn't going to be a second coming, a christ-like savior isn't going to come, religious soldiers aren't going to kill every non-believer, and I can provide you logical reasons why not. No amount of believing in that kind of thing is going to make it happen. The only way for it to happen is to stop believing and start doing--beliefs, hopes and dreams never accomplished goals like planing, decision making, work, and taking action. But Religion isn't the answer.
Politics isn't either. In fact, religion is just another breed of politics. People believe in a candidate, they hope that their candidate will amass enough votes, that the population will believe in them enough and their cause that they can take office and then they have faith that their candidate has the moral gumption to do what they say and is intelligent enough to make good decisions and so on and so forth. Every election, in our democratic republic, is another revolution, it's another hopeful second coming, and each go around the candidates get stuck in either failing to be popular enough to amass the necessary votes even though they have brilliant ideas, or getting the votes but being so bogged down by their impossible promises to people and the red tape and their opposition that they can't make the necessary impact that they need to to further society. Politics isn't the answer either because it's too caught up in being politics.
Technology, as we've proven recently, isn't the answer either. We've accomplished various goals through technology but at specific costs that negate any advances we've made. America, one of the most technologically advanced nations in the world, hasn't really improved the lives of it's citizens. Sure we can provide everyone with food, but we still have starving children here, most people are either malnutritioned or overweight. We have essentially built a society where we spend our time coming up with the cures to the things that plague us, except that the technology isn't free so we charge for it, and everyone who deals or sells a "cure" is essentially bartering their version of a cure for another version of a cure and no one really has the cure for anything, even the rich who you would think have the means to live a perfect life--yet they are so preoccupied with maintaining wealth that their wealth becomes a sickness or burden for them and no one has been able to cure that sickness as of yet (and in my opinion never will). [and no I'm not saying wealth is sickness, I'm saying that getting lost in the complicated realm of obtaining, maintaining, and dispersing wealth is a sickness. )
It's nice to have hopes that one day the world will wake up and we'll all be cured, that we can live in a golden age of peace where everyone is nice, caring and emotionally connected, where we don't have want of food, lack of water, shelter, clothing, that we can be free of unfair biases, that if we want something we have the complete--unhindered--ability to accomplish that thing.
But this dream I had seemed to spin the tapestry for me clearly:
If we want to live in a "perfect" world, one with all those things above: people are free to do whatever they want, they aren't hindered by others, where conflicts are easily resolved because we have all the tools to resolve them, there is no hunger, no want. Sure, in this world there will be conflict, there will be hardships like inclement weather and bad times, but people will pull together and make it through. People may be angry but they'll be emotionally mature enough to make amends for anything their anger does to others and resolve the conflicts they have with those who make them angry.
It IS possible. . .
We have all the knowledge we need to do it. We know the "science" of conflict, we know how to cure world hunger and resolve all of our water problems throughout the world. We have the means of curing 99% of the worlds diseases.
But what we don't have is people.
We don't have real people.
We don't have emotionally mature, physically mature, and mentally mature people to do it.
We would almost be better off if we took a few of our "best" people (not our smartest or strongest or bravest or whatever, but overall best--physically, mentally, emotionally) and left this world to start a new one.---but again, that wouldn't work because it would cost too much, too many people would stick their fingers in the pot and put their own spin on everything and add their own requirements to the point that it wouldn't work.
All of this is depressing, I know. But let me give you the hopeful side of things:
We can build a perfect world within ourselves. we can be happy, and at peace individually or among a very select group of individuals. All it takes is the know-how, desire, and the determination to see through to the end.
I do not prescribe
I think this should be mentioned before it's too late:
I am different. I am unique. I am my own person. I think for myself. I serve myself and have no masters. I am not a stock character. I am the protagonist of my story. I am comfortable with this, even though each day I HAVE to venture into new territory.
At times, being different bogs me down. Have you tried this before? It's not easy!
I am no on drugs, I do not take pills, I am not addicted to anything--at least not anything typical.
As such, I realize that at times no one can help me but myself.
At times, I realize that I may not have anyone in my life that can relate to me.
At times, I have no avenues for relieving stress because I haven't invented them.
When asked if I thought it was a good idea to go see a therapist, I realized: The only thing a therapist can do for me is be a sounding board. Their job is to help me think of a solution for myself, they can't tell me what to do and how to live, and if they did, it wouldn't be the life I want to live--it would be the life they want me to live.
...
But
...
Don't you see? --I can use anyone with a listening ear as a sounding board and save myself $75-125/hr! The only difference is that some people are shitty listening ears because they want to tell me what to do and how to live, or they want to be validated themselves for having similar experiences. . . That's fine. If it's free I can't complain about it too much, right? I can always turn it down.
But the benefit of one of these free people actually makes it worth more than a therapist: they can connect. A therapist can't exactly be your friend the way a real friend can be your friend. SO. No offense to you well-wishers, but don't recommend me a therapist, recommend me a friend or be a better one yourself.
I know I do not prescribe to society's pattern. I don't work to accumulate wealth and power. Nor do I attempt to be the most famous or the best at anything in particular. I work to be happy and keep on living. At times I'm the best, but I don't care about that--nor do I want to be the best because of the added stress that it brings.
I don't rely on others to make decisions for me, and I'm not comfortable with others making decisions for me without me knowing.
This is a good thing for the people around me, and for myself, and here's why:
1. I get to take all the risks and chances--I eat the leafy plants, if you will--and if they're poisonous, I'm the one who suffers but not the rest of the tribe. --so learn from my mistakes and follow my successes.
2. I present an alternative path through life that is well-thought out. I prove that there are other ways than the status quo. This is great for opening discussions and exploring things that most people overlook.
3. I can be real. I am what a whole human is. No alterations. No chemicals, not additives, nothing abnormal. I'm all natural. Anyone who experiences life will get what I get, plus whatever else they add. If you work out more than I do, you'll have bigger biceps but you won't be natural. If you take prescriptions, you'll be like me, except whatever side effects those prescriptions bring. If you take hard drugs, you'll be like me...but probably trip out a lot more.
Let me recap at a different angle:
I experience emotions. I thirst for knowledge. I crave intimacy. I get hungry and thirsty and experience pain.
But overall I'm positive. I'm happy. I'm intelligent. I'm ambitious. I'm handsome, even.
I am able to make decisions on my own and face the consequences of those decisions.
I'm basically you. Minus the things about you that I am not.
I don't really know what I'm getting at here but I suspect the summation is that because I am original and dont' prescribe to the status quo, I am what it truly means to be human.
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