Mankind's Slow Evolution

I have been reading several books lately on interpersonal communication and conflict--newer books--The Guide to Compassionate Assertiveness (2012), The Triangle of Truth (2011), Conscious Communication (2010), Breaking the Argument Cycle (2009), and How to Hug a Porcupine (2009). 
These books Should be the latest and greatest knowledge on communication, yet I am under the impression that most of these books are complete garbage.

Conscious Communication seems to be the best book I have ever read on interpersonal communication. I think it comes closest to reality and the "truth" as Plato would put it. In one section of this book, Miles Sherts begins to touch on the evolution process of man and my mind began to mix with his thoughts and I think I completely understand where he is going with this thought:

One of the things that separate us from Animals is that we have the ability to create complex noises to communicate with one another and formulate sentences; we also have the ability to think about thinking--which supposedly animals cannot. Most importantly, we have the ability to recognize our feelings and to name them. We can assess ourselves and determine: I am sad right now, I am happy, I am grateful, I am distraught, I am angry.

Yet even though we can create complex sounds and communicate how we are feeling--we haven't advanced very far in this field as a human race. 

Most of us communicate logically rather than emotionally. We make assumptions and treat them as facts. When someone does something that hurts us, we say "You are a bad person" and we live on the assumption that that person is out to get us, out to hurt us, out to dishonor our families and circumvent our lives. It is the simple: "Because of this, therefore this." Logic. That's what that is. But that's now how logic is supposed to be used, because it isn't an avenue to the truth.

Rhetorical tools, Logic, Ethos, Pathos, Kairos--these are supposed to bring us closer to the truth, not theory. They are supposed to bring about good in the world, not fear. They are supposed to help you learn or teach, rather than narrow your mind to new ideas.

The thing I have learned from my recent studies has been that the NEW avenue of evolution--the area in which we humans NEED to evolve in order to survive, the area in which we have been fighting generationally to overcome this and unfortunately it has been a slow process can be explained as follows:

We have found a way to gather resources so that all of our physical needs are easily taken care of, but our emotional needs, because of society and the culture required to reach this level of human advancement, have taken a back seat. Instead of addressing emotional needs we focus on physical needs as the means to an end, but it doesn't help to heal emotional wounds.
We run away from emotional pain or blame others because of 'logical' associations we make between other people and our emotional pain. Because our emotional needs aren't met and more importantly, because we don't know how to address or resolve emotional wounds, we sever relationships, we lash back, and we "fight" to survive.
But emotional pain isn't like physical pain. We don't need to fight for our emotional well being like we do for our physical well being. Gaining possessions, securing more resources of food and water, these might help us resolve our physical well-being, but our emotional well being isn't resolved by securing more relationships. If you don't resolve your emotional needs, having more relationships will only bring more opportunities for conflict and can ultimately lead to you pushing away your relationships or hurting other people and making your emotional pain even worse because the closer people are to you the more likely they are to bring out your emotional wounds.

As a society, but more importantly as individuals, we need to focus on resolving our emotional needs ourselves and being more compassionate to others who are suffering emotional pain. But before we can do that, we need to evolve so that we can recognize emotional pain--in ourselves and in others. And then we need to learn how to resolve emotional pain, because emotional pain can be triggered by other people, but resolving that emotional pain is an individual process in which we might rely on the support of others but ultimately must make the journey ourselves in the confines of our own minds.

You shouldn't walk away from other people simply because they trigger emotional pain in you, just like you shouldn't blame the fire for burning you.

The trouble with life

There are several problems I have with life and with living--nothing as yet to stop me from doing so, but still it makes life frustrating.

So here it is, my "big problem" or whatever you want to call it.

It's called time.

You either have not enough time to do everything you need to do, or you have too much time to get everything done in.

I by far lean on the side of too much time: I thrive in those moments when I'm so busy my head is spinning, but I always work myself out of work. And when that happens, I'm so out of place because I get used to doing a lot of things all at once and then have nothing.


Life is boring overall.


I would like to think I have a lot of hobbies and enjoy doing a lot of different things and doing them quickly, but doing things doesn't really take up time. Not being bored takes up time.

Time is an interesting thing. You don't really notice it until you keep track of it; until you need to do something in a set amount of it, until you look forward to something. When you're perfectly happy with your present use of time, you hate to see time slip by and yet at the same time you like it...it's bitter sweet.

Time is the most frustrating thing ever. We need to eat and we need to sleep, and that governs our life, it governs the time of our life. We look forward to eating, we look forward to sleeping, and then we have to spend our time working in order to eat and we need to sleep and eat to recover when we work.
It's been said that the best thing in life is when you find work that you enjoy, but I don't necessarily agree with that because I think you need to find ways to enjoy your work.
And yet here I am...bored...and no one aspires to be bored--to sit around and do nothing. So when it happens, how to you feel good about it?

Everybody got their problems

99 Problems

This song doesn't fit 100% but here goes...

Why is it that people blame others for their problems? I'm not talking about when clearly something is their problem but they blame it on other people, like when someone gets in a wreck and blames it on the idiot they crashed into, I'm talking about when people get offended. I'm talking about when people are annoyed. I'm talking about when people fight over things and jihad and crusade. I'm talking about when people get something stuck in their head that they believe so strongly that they can't see the other side.

And I'm guilty of it too.

It is human nature to be one sided--it's how the mind works, it's how we sleep at night. It's because our minds try so hard to make sense of this life and if we don't understand something we compartmentalize it under some other umbrella so that we don't have to think about it. We only see what we see, and that doesn't mean it's the truth. It's just perspective.

But people base their whole lives on their perspective--and how else can they? We are the product of our experiences, and our experiences are biased by our perspective.

So, I suppose I'm not really talking about blaming others for one's problems, I'm talking about hypocrisy. People look at their perspective and they see things they can't understand and they compartmentalize them in some category that makes sense to them. They look at differences in opinion as right and wrong; differences in actions as acceptable or unacceptable behavior; and they let other people's methods of thought or action affect them positively or negatively.

People are always under the assumption that society is following the same rules as they are, the truth is that there are very few rules that have been universalized among society. People think society governs sexual conduct, ethical conduct, and they assume that we live in society and follow mores and norms because they provide us with safety and resources. But a society is really just a collection of people, each with a different perspective.

The assumption is that by living in a society there will be greater good for oneself than living outside of that society; what people fail to recognize is that there is greater bad by living in society as well. Instead of choosing to be even-keel, a member of society chooses to have higher highs and lower lows.

I'm not talking about society in general, though this applies to them as well, what I'm referring to is smaller sub-groups of society. Churches, cities, corporations, families, race communities, gangs, etc.--anywhere that people come together. Parents take on a burden for their kids, church leaders go out of their way to help their members, corporations pay the managers more than they employees and shareholders reap the profits even though they barely work at all.
You hear stories about parents complaining about their kids because they put effort into them and are disappointed by them. You hear church leaders frustration with their flocks at not following the principles they teach, you hear shareholders complaining about the poor work of their company employees; and yet none of this is related. It's all in perspective. The kids don't see life as an adult--they haven't lived long enough. The church members pick and choose their ethics because they don't know any better or because their perspective is such that they don't care. The employees and managers of companies make decisions in the moment that effect the future.

Is society doomed? No. Because society has operated this way since the dawn of man and it will continue to operate this way forever. There are good parts, even great perks to being in society, but nothing is free. And if you know how to take advantage of the system, you can see great things from being in society and diminish  your own loses--thereby limiting risk--but it always comes at a price.

People see others as the problem when they themselves are the problem. Not because they blame their problems on other people, but because they lack knowledge, they lack skill, they lack ability, and most importantly, they are trapped in their perspective.

By my perspective, everyone would confront problems in their relationships and discuss them in an environment where both parties agree to not take offence by what is said and both parties agree to act cool headed and not purposely say or do things to hurt the other party. But not everyone sees this as the best way to go. Some people see problems in relationships, conflict, as a negative thing, and they desire everyone to avoid it, not talk about it, keep cool headed, ignore it, and find a work around at whatever expense. Is one more correct than the other? No. They are just different.

The wise person walks through this world understanding two things: 1) that others don't see things the way that they do, and 2) understanding that we aren't meant to know the truth and therefore can't be more right than the next guy/girl.

I think one of the keys to this life is to simply understand, nothing more, nothing less.

Typical Expenses of the Entry Level American in Weber County, UT

Ever wanted to get to the details of why you couldn't survive living on your own? Or why your budget seems to be stretched all of the time?

I have started a research project based around that very concept and I will be publishing it here on this blog in a series of reports. The concept is simple home economics...but applied to the averages of the present market (April 2013).

Report of Expenses for the Entry Level American

Report Summary

The following report outlines the expenses of a typical entry level American. It is a collection of data presented in an understandable way as applied to citizens of Weber County, UT. Most of the data is easily applicable to other counties in the US. This report does not take into consideration the retirement plans of such individuals and merely focuses on the early stages of adult life, living independent, marrying, and having children. The report operates on the American assumption, that an individual will start at the bottom level of the workforce and work their way up; and as they do so will progress into marrying and having children.

Objective

The primary objective of this report is to explain the minimum wage necessary for an individual to follow the American dream and America's cultural ideals. These ideals are defined as living on their own, starting a family, and having children.

Findings of Fact

It has been discovered that in order to enter adult life, i.e. live on their own, an individual will need to earn $25,800 per year or $12.40 wages working 40 hrs per week. Married without kids, a couple will need to earn $48,600 per year and with kids $64,050.

Conclusion

In order to maintain the American culture of becoming an adult by moving away from one's parents, marrying, and having kids; and to keep up the American lifestyle by consuming the average amount of goods, individuals will need to earn at least $12.01 per hour or $25000 annually before moving out of their parents' homes. Alternatively, ambitious individuals may get married and move in with their spouse and earn $23.07 per hour, or an average of $11.54 per hour each, where both husband and wife work 40 hours per week. 

Based on the findings of this report, it is my opinion that our society will face several negative changes in the near future relating to the structuring of the family. In previous generations only the husband worked; now both husband and wife are required to work in order to survive. With the cost of primary expenses rising, individuals will need to postpone having a family for much longer to ensure that they can both survive. The cost of primary expenses may also lead to a lower standard of living for Americans.

Data

Situation A

Single Shared Home
Primary Expenses
Name	Year	Month	Week	Day
Housing	$4,488.65	$374.05	$86.32	$12.30
Gasoline	$2,123.54	$176.96	$40.84	$5.82
Groceries	$2,964.00	$247.00	$57.00	$8.12
Wireless Bill	$600.00	$50.00	$11.54	$1.64
Utilities	$1,004.09	$83.67	$19.31	$2.75
Car insurance	$2,099.00	$174.92	$40.37	$5.75
Medical Insurance	$4,281.00	$356.75	$82.33	$11.73
Student loans	$0.00	$0.00	$0.00	$0.00
Clothing	$1,698.50	$141.54	$32.66	$4.65
Discretionary Income	$1,375.00	$114.58	$26.44	$3.77
Total Expenses before tax	$20,633.78	$1,719.48	$396.80	$56.53
Esimated Individual Income	$25,000.00	$2,083.33	$480.77	$68.49
Federal Taxes	$3,112.50
State Taxes	$1,250.00
Total Estimated Taxes	$4,362.50
Total Balance	$3.72
Married (no children)
Primary Expenses
Name	Year	Month	Week	Day
Housing	$7,918.30	$659.86	$152.27	$21.69
Gasoline	$4,247.08	$353.92	$81.67	$11.64
Groceries	$5,928.00	$494.00	$114.00	$16.24
Wireless Bill	$1,200.00	$100.00	$23.08	$3.29
Utilities	$1,048.11	$87.34	$20.16	$2.87
Car insurance	$4,198.00	$349.83	$80.73	$11.50
Medical Insurance	$8,562.00	$713.50	$164.65	$23.46
Student loans	$0.00	$0.00	$0.00	$0.00
Clothing	$3,397.00	$283.08	$65.33	$9.31
Discretionary Income	$2,640.00	$220.00	$50.77	$7.23
Total Expenses before tax	$39,138.48	$3,261.54	$752.66	$107.23
Estimated Combined Income	$48,000.00	$4,000.00	$923.08	$131.51
Federal Tax	$6,307.50
State Taxes	$2,400.00
Total Estimated Taxes	$8,707.50
Total Balance	$154.02
Married with two Children Early life stages(1 boy, 1 girl)
Primary Expenses
Name	Year	Month	Week	Day
Housing	$11,090.62	$924.22	$213.28	$30.39
Gasoline	$4,247.08	$353.92	$81.67	$11.64
Groceries	$8,892.00	$741.00	$171.00	$24.36
Wireless Bill	$600.00	$50.00	$11.54	$1.64
Utilities	$1,114.14	$92.84	$21.43	$3.05
Car insurance	$4,198.00	$349.83	$80.73	$11.50
Medical Insurance	$12,213.00	$1,017.75	$234.87	$33.46
Student loans	$0.00	$0.00	$0.00	$0.00
Clothing	$5,095.50	$424.63	$97.99	$13.96
Discretionary Income	$3,437.50	$286.46	$66.11	$9.42
Total Expenses before tax	$50,887.83	$4,240.65	$978.61	$139.42
Estimated Combined Income	$62,500.00	$5,208.33	$1,201.92	$171.23
Federal Taxes	$8,482.50
State Taxes	$3,125.00
Total Estimated Taxes	$11,607.50
Total Balance	$4.67

Situation B

Single Shared Home
Primary Expenses
Name	Year	Month	Week	Day
Housing	$4,488.65	$374.05	$86.32	$12.30
Gasoline	$2,123.54	$176.96	$40.84	$5.82
Groceries	$2,964.00	$247.00	$57.00	$8.12
Wireless Bill	$600.00	$50.00	$11.54	$1.64
Utilities	$1,004.09	$83.67	$19.31	$2.75
Car insurance	$2,099.00	$174.92	$40.37	$5.75
Medical Insurance	$4,281.00	$356.75	$82.33	$11.73
Student loans	$574.23	$47.85	$11.04	$1.57
Clothing	$1,698.50	$141.54	$32.66	$4.65
Discretionary Income	$1,419.00	$118.25	$27.29	$3.89
Total Expenses before tax	$21,252.01	$1,771.00	$408.69	$58.22
Esimated Individual Income	$25,800.00	$2,150.00	$496.15	$70.68
Federal Taxes	$3,232.50
State Taxes	$1,290.00
Total Estimated Taxes	$4,522.50
Total Balance	$25.49
Married (no children)
Primary Expenses
Name	Year	Month	Week	Day
Housing	$7,918.30	$659.86	$152.27	$21.69
Gasoline	$4,247.08	$353.92	$81.67	$11.64
Groceries	$5,928.00	$494.00	$114.00	$16.24
Wireless Bill	$1,200.00	$100.00	$23.08	$3.29
Utilities	$1,048.11	$87.34	$20.16	$2.87
Car insurance	$4,198.00	$349.83	$80.73	$11.50
Medical Insurance	$8,562.00	$713.50	$164.65	$23.46
Student loans	$574.23	$47.85	$11.04	$1.57
Clothing	$3,397.00	$283.08	$65.33	$9.31
Discretionary Income	$2,673.00	$222.75	$51.40	$7.32
Total Expenses before tax	$39,745.72	$3,312.14	$764.34	$108.89
Estimated Combined Income	$48,600.00	$4,050.00	$934.62	$133.15
Federal Tax	$6,397.50
State Taxes	$2,430.00
Total Estimated Taxes	$8,827.50
Total Balance	$26.78
Married with two Children Early life stages(1 boy, 1 girl)
Primary Expenses
Name	Year	Month	Week	Day
Housing	$11,090.62	$924.22	$213.28	$30.39
Gasoline	$4,247.08	$353.92	$81.67	$11.64
Groceries	$8,892.00	$741.00	$171.00	$24.36
Wireless Bill	$600.00	$50.00	$11.54	$1.64
Utilities	$1,114.14	$92.84	$21.43	$3.05
Car insurance	$4,198.00	$349.83	$80.73	$11.50
Medical Insurance	$12,213.00	$1,017.75	$234.87	$33.46
Student loans	$1,148.47	$95.71	$22.09	$3.15
Clothing	$5,095.50	$424.63	$97.99	$13.96
Discretionary Income	$3,522.75	$293.56	$67.75	$9.65
Total Expenses before tax	$52,121.55	$4,343.46	$1,002.34	$142.80
Estimated Combined Income	$64,050.00	$5,337.50	$1,231.73	$175.48
Federal Taxes	$8,715.00
State Taxes	$3,202.50
Total Estimated Taxes	$11,917.50
Total Balance	$10.95

Definitions

Summary of Scenarios (Single Shared Home, Married, Married with Children)

Single

This scenario represents non-married individuals who live with others. The cost of housing is calculated using the average cost per room. For example, if two people share the cost of a two bedroom apartment, they are each paying for the price of one room. 

Married

This scenario represents a married couple without children. All individual calculations are multiplied by two, but some expenses, such as housing take an alternate calculation method that is more cost effective, such as renting a one or two bedroom home. In situation B, where student loans are calculated, only one individual in the marriage is calculated to have student loans. 

Married with Children

This scenario is intended to represent a married couple with two children one by and one girl. This distinction is meant to compensate for differences in expenses between boys and girls in child development. I assumed that a child would consume one-half of water and food that an adult would and therefore I multiplied all individual numbers by 3.

Summary of Situations (A, B)

The only differences between situations A and B are the presence of student debt. The average student debt in Utah is $17,227 and 45% of students in the state have debt.* 

Summary of Expenses

When possible I tried to use data obtained from government websites and archives, however, not all data is stored by the government and 3rd party sources were used in such instances.

Housing

My housing statistics were taken from data collected off of rental listing sites such as KSL and Craigslist. The data was taken from Weber county specifically and was a sample of size 377. The confidence interval of this data representing the total rental marketplace in the county (21,619) is +/-5 with an alpha of 95%. 

Gasoline

The gasoline expense was taken from statistics on the average fuel economy of vehicles in the U.S (24.6 mpg)., the average number of miles driven by an individual age 20-34 (15,098 miles), and the average price of gas in Utah in April 2013 ($3.46/gal).

Groceries

Grocery data was taken from Chapter 2 of the USDA's Factbook 2010 in which the average American's consumption of food is broken down into the primary food groups (meat, dairy fat/oil, fruit, etc) and the expenditures per capita per year are outlined ($2,964/person).

Wireless Bill

The average wireless phone plan has leveled out recently to around $50/month according to several sources, including the wireless carriers themselves and publishers of wireless carrier data.

Utilities

Utility data was calculated using water (90/day) and power consumption (903Kw) of the average American and the average cost of electricity and water in Utah. 

Car Insurance

Car insurance data was calculated from average cost of premiums nationally based on years of experience 2-10 years. I maintained the assumption that most Utah drivers start driving when they are 16 and by age 26 they will have 10 years of experience and still apply to this formula. However, the car insurance data used in my research is subject to a lot of inaccuracy since many insurance companies offer discounts to individuals who combine in a family plan and many, if not most (I assume) individuals pay on some sort of family plan and get a much more discounted rate.

Medical Insurance

Medical insurance premium averages in Utah have been gathered as two rates: family and individual. The married with children scenarios apply a family medical plan whereas the other scenarios apply individual plans. 

Student Loans

Student loans are calculated based on the average student debt in Utah ($17,227) on an assumed 25 year loan. According to the same source, around 45% of students possess debt. I have created two scenarios, the first (A) without student debt to represent individuals who work in a job that merely requires a high school education. In the second scenario (B) student debt is calculated as above for all individuals. 

Clothing

Data used in the clothing expense section is calculated based on the average expenses from apparel annually and services for under 25 ($1,464) and 25-34 year olds ($1,933).   I averaged age shifts by taking the mean between the two numbers ($1,699).

Discretionary Income

In order to compensate for other expenses not included in this report (entertainment, saving for the future, religious expenses, etc.) I accounted for 5% of an individual's income. This is a conservative estimate considering that many religions in Utah ask for a 10% tithe.

Taxes

Calculations of taxes have been made based on state and federal tax data for 2013. The current Utah State Income Tax is 5% and the federal tax rate has been based on the 2013 tax table (about 15%). 

New Blog in series: 3BlindBarren

Hey everyone,

I've started another blog. Another simple blog...This one is called 3BlindBarren. It's an attempt to expose the things in life that we naturally agree with even though they aren't proven. Sometimes we tell ourselves things and we agree with the premises of others even though they aren't true. I'm not saying that some of these things are false (though some of them are) just that there is no proof of their truth or falsehood.


And if you haven't been following my other blog in this series, Compliments2Living be sure to check if out. It's all about the positive, interesting things about life that we just don't notice because we're too busy with other things. It's meant to be simple and meant to be fascinating.

I hope you enjoy my blogs so far. If there is anything you'd like me to write about, think about, argue for or against, or otherwise recognize, shoot me a comment below. Thanks guys!

Guilt

Religion and Society use Guilt to manipulate you to believe as they do. Guilt is the most powerful motivator--it causes people to avoid eating donuts, it makes you go to bed early, it even makes you beat yourself up when you do something "wrong."

But who determines what is "wrong?"

Realistically we are all individuals and determine right and wrong on our own --I know, that's a very relativist statement. [we think eating donuts are bad because they will make you sick, ie fat ie unhealthy ie shorten your life, but if you think a short life is perfectly acceptable for you then what's so wrong about eating a donut  and being fat and unhealthy? --if you're comfortable with the outcome, it doesn't matter.]
MMmmmm...

The problem is that people aren't comfortable with certain outcomes because of guilt: society makes you think that being fat is bad and they ostracize fat people. Society is obsessed with living forever and finding ways to prolong their lives, so they frown upon people who want to live a short, happy life.

You beat yourself up because you want to fit in with society. You want to prescribe to the same things that everybody else does and you have a subconscious desire to believe what the rest of society believes. You simply want to be a part of the "in" crowd.

You don't have to be.

You are an individual.

My recommendation is to live your life questioning everything. Question why people believe the things they do. Question why people do or don't do things that you clearly want to do. And after you do or don't do those things that people don't want you to do, question whether they really bring you what you want.

Everything you need to understand about life comes back to elementary school jokes: If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?

Value of a life

What is the value of a person's life?

This question suddenly intrigues me... 

Most people find it easy to think about value in terms of money. Is a person as valuable as the total amount of money they earn in life? How about the total assets they own, cash included?

A second prominent measure of value I have heard is "number of people touched" though i don't agree with this measure of value because it disregards individuals who create great value for their own lives and not others, which i do find valuable so long as they don't do it at the expense of other people.

Nor do I fully prescribe to the moral philosopher's measure, the total "good" he or she has contributed minus total "bad", though I think it comes very close to an accurate measure...if it were only possible to measure in that way practically.--until it happens you really don't know what will happen.

Every life is valuable. Every life has the right to make choices and live the way they choose. No one has the right to take another's life nor do they have the right to force another to live their life a certain way. Further, no one has the right to judge another, because doing so implies that the judge knows THE only way to live life. Judging a life, in effect, forces another person to prescribe to a specific way of life.

The value of a life is highly personal. Neither you or I can gauge the value of some other person's life except by our own subjective judgements. The only person who can gauge the value of your life objectively is you. Only you know what you value and if you have done everything you can to create value in your life. In the end, you will hold yourself accountable for your successes and failures. And, really, the only disappointment in life is when you quit trying.

Death is the opposite of life, and if life is valuable, death is not. Death is of no value to anyone, not yourself and not others. Since we do not know what awaits us after this life, the only understanding that matters to us is this life. What we do now, we can guarantee will affect this life, and because we have seen the far effects of those who have come before us, we know that what we do in this life counts. There is no guarantee that in death we start over. There is no guarantee that what happens to our spirits after we die is beneficial. In other words, we can only rely on the value of this life.

In essence, you are valuable so long as you are living, because if you are living, you can keep making value. And you can keep making value so long as you determine in your mind that you are valuable. The value of a life is limitless so long as that individual values his or her self.