I kind of did this already and didn't think much of it when I did it, but I have been reading The Zen Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig and he devotes a few chapters to exploring this topic.--I'm not quite finished with the book, so his argument may persuade me to change my opinion however, let me refer back to the article I wrote just over a year ago: The Quantity of Life
Pirsig poses the question: What is the definition of Quality? How would you define quality?
Pirsig's argument is that there really isn't a way to define quality because the act of defining something is a technical ("classic") approach and the term quality is "romantic" by nature. I was tripped up by this at first: it really is difficult to define quality. --It's easy to make a comparison (this is better than this because of this) but to define quality without already having something in front of you to compare it to is incredibly difficult.
However, in my previous article (which I now remember and am MIFFED! that no one wanted to let me publish it in my college's tabloid), I haphazardly explained quality by opposing it to quantity. In other words, I essentially said what Pirsig said: there is a technical/classical approach where you break things down into component parts and their functions and how they compare to one another, and there is a romanticized approach where you give something an indeterminate value merely by stating it as such. I was speaking of verbs not nouns but now I will attempt to adjust my definitions:
Here is what I wrote: "'To quantify' and idea means to turn that idea into a measurable number value, whereas 'to qualify' an idea means to turn that idea into something competent and authoritative."
To turn them into nouns I would say (starting with the easy one) Quantity is a measurable amount of something that establishes its value. Quality is an immeasurable aspect of something that establishes its value.
Let me make this simple to understand: Quality is established by our own individual tastes and preferences--we establish rules and codes that we understand and we may not have a valid argument to back up our claims regarding it, but by being the first, or by already being predisposed to something--shall we say developing an acquired taste for it--we are thereby able to put it on a pedestal and compare other like-things to it.
Beauty is a field of quality and..."beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
There are parts of the universe that are inherently chaotic, and I think quality is our human approach to understanding that chaos. Eventually, you have to settle on one thing and be happy with that one thing and forevermore declare that it is of the highest quality, because otherwise you'll go mad trying to make sense of it (as Pirsig points out in his book).
I think this is a good topic to explore further, but this is all I want to write about for now.
Future notes for myself:
Quality as it applies to being happy with life the way it is
Aspects of the Universe that are inherently chaotic
"Predisposition" is not born, it's trained
---Ugh...I'm only writing this because I started writing a book and have that bizarre urge to do anything and everything except write.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Life coaching, old and new
I'm not sure where to classify this: is it When 1 Falls worthy, or Compliments 2 Living, or is it 3 Blind Barren? --It's not about the positive side of life and it's not necessarily about something secret, so I resorted to this blog because it MIGHT relate to human science.
I re-read some of my older life coaching articles on my datingzion blog, and I remember now why I wanted to redo my life coaching site...The blog was geared towards mormons and finding an "eternal companion" and sometimes I would echo what mormon church leaders would say in the matter (which is surprisingly very little) and sometimes I would just feed people what they wanted to hear.
Unfortunately, I have enough moral capacity to say that it was wrong what I did. I tried to stick to things that didn't mess people up, like "you've got to have a list of things you want in an 'eternal companion'" and "don't settle until you find that"--there isn't anything wrong with that philosophy, per say, it's just not always realistic. Suffice it to say, one reason for my remake of my lifecoaching, RDC coaching, is to clarify things.
Also, because I was focusing on the LDS crowd, I think I neglected the larger world--and not only that, I realize that I wasn't the greatest at addressing the LDS crowd and as such I offended a few people. Here is how: When I would write something like "...The problem with this is that it can lead you into thinking that you NEED to build excitement in your relationship or else you won’t be happy with one another.--But you don't NEED excitement in a relationship as long as you care for one another" --I would get responses from people saying things like: "ya, but the prophet said you should have an exciting weekend together once a week and have consecrated friday nights for that purpose" and they would rail on me for suggesting such a thing contrary to their prophet. So not only did I neglect the larger world, but I offended some of my primary audience as well.
Oddly, the big market for my material ended up overseas. People from Britain and India read and emailed me questions or comments--which I found odd, but didn't care. I'm not sure how to address that tidbit really other than that it is what it is.
Lastly, under my previous life coaching attempt I was interested in money. I had a service to provide to people, I needed/wanted more money, I was willing to trade my services for money. Plain and simple business. I care much less about money these days--now that I'm financially secure; so when approaching my new blog, I thought: "Dammit all, why not give out everything for free?" --I purposefully withheld things thinking I would only use them in personal coaching sessions, and it caused me to tiptoe around important issues.
This is what happened: 1) I told people things to gratify their own minds because they couldn't handle the truth about relationships. 2) I offended people trying to appease them and 'bowling in the same league as their religion' 3) I cared about money and...that just turned people off. 4) I purposely withheld things in an attempt to "safeguard my business" (you understand...it's business).
Now, I don't even care.
But what I do care about is improving and educating the world (--something to do with: when you get financially secure and everything lines up in your life, then the next drive you have is to do things bigger than yourself and make an impact on the world--well, I'm there now).
I think it is more important to me to teach people how to have good relationships because I think that that will improve the world faster, more efficiently, and better than anything else I could do. There's no product I could make (I sell solar kits for similar reasons and if I could find a way to give them away for free I would) that would improve the world and inspire people the way that educating people about how to have good relationships can.
The problem I have seen, in the world, is that people really don't know how to have good relationships and there is no formal education process for teaching it. You either get it, your parents teach you by example and you learn things as you make mistakes, or...you don't and those who don't never really do learn because of the nature of human beings: if the time and complexity of a problem/task is too great for the individual, they don't see what they need to learn to prevent that problem and therefore don't change.
Humans are like dogs in this regard: dogs have a hard time learning things like potty training or not to chew up the house when you are gone, because the time and complexity of their actions are too great to make the correlation. Typically when you come home and find that they've chewed on the couch or ripped stuffing all over, they did that act 3 hrs ago and when you come home they're excited to see you and you punish them for ripping the stuffing out--their minds aren't as complex as a human mind so they only see: master came home and punished me for something--he must have had a bad day because I luvs him and want to give him kisses right now but if he doesn't want them...ok looks like I'm going into my crate I guess I'll just have some alone time and calm down and then he'll let me out and I can love him again :).
When you have a problem with your relationships, the time and complexity is such a high level that you see the evidence: stuffing all over, master at the door, and your action at the time, and you make the wrong inference and so you never really change. --this is what I'm talking about right now on my RDC coaching site in podcasts about "Relationship Cycles"
People don't change because they aren't smart enough or that connection between what they are doing-- and what the problem is, is too complex. You can't blame them for that but they just don't naturally see it. So I've made it my mission--my part-time life coaching mission--to educate people so that they are more aware of the problems facing them, so that they are more conscientious of these issues and more capable of seeing them when they happen (I don't put much trust in this mind you, which is why I'm willing to do life coaching sessions, but I don't see that as a reason not to give people a chance to understand).
My life is pretty great, says I. I'm not perfect, but I'm smarter than the average bear (and might I add that I look better than the average bear too :D ) and I've put a lot of thought into what I think matters and came to the conclusion that relationships do--they matter most. And if you want to have a good life you'll have high quantity and high quality relationships. So focus on having those, no?
I re-read some of my older life coaching articles on my datingzion blog, and I remember now why I wanted to redo my life coaching site...The blog was geared towards mormons and finding an "eternal companion" and sometimes I would echo what mormon church leaders would say in the matter (which is surprisingly very little) and sometimes I would just feed people what they wanted to hear.
Unfortunately, I have enough moral capacity to say that it was wrong what I did. I tried to stick to things that didn't mess people up, like "you've got to have a list of things you want in an 'eternal companion'" and "don't settle until you find that"--there isn't anything wrong with that philosophy, per say, it's just not always realistic. Suffice it to say, one reason for my remake of my lifecoaching, RDC coaching, is to clarify things.
Also, because I was focusing on the LDS crowd, I think I neglected the larger world--and not only that, I realize that I wasn't the greatest at addressing the LDS crowd and as such I offended a few people. Here is how: When I would write something like "...The problem with this is that it can lead you into thinking that you NEED to build excitement in your relationship or else you won’t be happy with one another.--But you don't NEED excitement in a relationship as long as you care for one another" --I would get responses from people saying things like: "ya, but the prophet said you should have an exciting weekend together once a week and have consecrated friday nights for that purpose" and they would rail on me for suggesting such a thing contrary to their prophet. So not only did I neglect the larger world, but I offended some of my primary audience as well.
Oddly, the big market for my material ended up overseas. People from Britain and India read and emailed me questions or comments--which I found odd, but didn't care. I'm not sure how to address that tidbit really other than that it is what it is.
Lastly, under my previous life coaching attempt I was interested in money. I had a service to provide to people, I needed/wanted more money, I was willing to trade my services for money. Plain and simple business. I care much less about money these days--now that I'm financially secure; so when approaching my new blog, I thought: "Dammit all, why not give out everything for free?" --I purposefully withheld things thinking I would only use them in personal coaching sessions, and it caused me to tiptoe around important issues.
This is what happened: 1) I told people things to gratify their own minds because they couldn't handle the truth about relationships. 2) I offended people trying to appease them and 'bowling in the same league as their religion' 3) I cared about money and...that just turned people off. 4) I purposely withheld things in an attempt to "safeguard my business" (you understand...it's business).
Now, I don't even care.
But what I do care about is improving and educating the world (--something to do with: when you get financially secure and everything lines up in your life, then the next drive you have is to do things bigger than yourself and make an impact on the world--well, I'm there now).
I think it is more important to me to teach people how to have good relationships because I think that that will improve the world faster, more efficiently, and better than anything else I could do. There's no product I could make (I sell solar kits for similar reasons and if I could find a way to give them away for free I would) that would improve the world and inspire people the way that educating people about how to have good relationships can.
The problem I have seen, in the world, is that people really don't know how to have good relationships and there is no formal education process for teaching it. You either get it, your parents teach you by example and you learn things as you make mistakes, or...you don't and those who don't never really do learn because of the nature of human beings: if the time and complexity of a problem/task is too great for the individual, they don't see what they need to learn to prevent that problem and therefore don't change.
Humans are like dogs in this regard: dogs have a hard time learning things like potty training or not to chew up the house when you are gone, because the time and complexity of their actions are too great to make the correlation. Typically when you come home and find that they've chewed on the couch or ripped stuffing all over, they did that act 3 hrs ago and when you come home they're excited to see you and you punish them for ripping the stuffing out--their minds aren't as complex as a human mind so they only see: master came home and punished me for something--he must have had a bad day because I luvs him and want to give him kisses right now but if he doesn't want them...ok looks like I'm going into my crate I guess I'll just have some alone time and calm down and then he'll let me out and I can love him again :).
When you have a problem with your relationships, the time and complexity is such a high level that you see the evidence: stuffing all over, master at the door, and your action at the time, and you make the wrong inference and so you never really change. --this is what I'm talking about right now on my RDC coaching site in podcasts about "Relationship Cycles"
People don't change because they aren't smart enough or that connection between what they are doing-- and what the problem is, is too complex. You can't blame them for that but they just don't naturally see it. So I've made it my mission--my part-time life coaching mission--to educate people so that they are more aware of the problems facing them, so that they are more conscientious of these issues and more capable of seeing them when they happen (I don't put much trust in this mind you, which is why I'm willing to do life coaching sessions, but I don't see that as a reason not to give people a chance to understand).
My life is pretty great, says I. I'm not perfect, but I'm smarter than the average bear (and might I add that I look better than the average bear too :D ) and I've put a lot of thought into what I think matters and came to the conclusion that relationships do--they matter most. And if you want to have a good life you'll have high quantity and high quality relationships. So focus on having those, no?
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Ghost of Facebook's Past
I thought I'd get on facebook again and see what I'm missing out--I don't really know what I use it for anymore but I have an account and I have my RDC coaching articles set to autopost on that account.
Sadly, I only have a handful of friends on there.
I deleted my account because I was sick of the influence it was having on people's lives (mine especially). I was sick of people posting fake-ass comments like "Oh, I am so happy and blessed to have the family I do!" and "Just won $1k in Wendover! Woot!" It seemed superfluous. I was sick of the mean and rude comments as well--the whole internet has turned to shit by allowing people to cower behind a computer screen and scream out insults and badmouth anyone who does anything to stand out. Childish.
I suppose at the time, when I deleted my facebook, I was expecting to one day do great things and that I didn't want to be held down by the people of my past and that I could make new friends as easily as keep the old ones. And... that has been true. I've done an equal job of making friends as I have of keeping them. --ok, that might be a stretch, because I know how to make new friends and slip up really close to people, get inside of their inner sphere and be included in their inner circle. But I can't seem to stay there very long.
So.
I suppose I write this "article" reflecting on a lot of regret.
I haven't done anything "spectacular" as I thought I would when I abandoned all--except that I have learned how to be completely at peace with this world and how to set goals and all the skills needed to reach those goals.--Yet, somewhere along the line I lost motivation. I lost ambitions for all of the dreams I originally had, and now it seems my only dreams are to live in peace and continue on with life the way it is.
But the regret I'm feeling today is that I have gained and lost so many people. I have forgotten people's names. I have forgotten all of the wrongs people did to me and the rights they did too.--As the song says"all this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?"--well, I let it dry. I've changed and I'm the only one who knows I've changed--and frankly, I know I'm the only one who cares as well.
I don't know if this is just a part of growing up, but I definitely have been working towards a few key ideas about life, and one of them is this simple truth:
Life is all about the relationships you have with people; and relationships are worth more than anything else in this world.
Knowledge and intelligence is useless in my opinion.
Physical prowess and good looks--also useless.
Money--most useless.
Skill and creativity--pointless.
But when you know how to make friends and keep friends and feel connected to people, it surpasses the human condition.
I would trade everything I know, I would trade anything I'm good at and all of my money to have 10 completely solid relationships in life. Just 10 people. I'd cut a deal with the devil or with god to spend the rest of my life with 10 individuals who I'm close with, talk to regularly, and hang with at least once a month.
I decided I'd set up my facebook page again and hope I can get in touch with all of those old friends I haven't seen in a while.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Thank you for nothing. Time to Adapt.
I'm a fan of flying by the seat of your pants--if you know what you're doing--but Americans have really messed up the last couple of generations. First and foremost, people are taught that monogamous, heterosexual, marriage is the only respectable relationship option in society. Second, we've distorted reality to the point that people think that all of their fantasy dreams are going to happen. Third, we tell people what to think and do, more than we let people think for themselves because we're afraid of what would happen if people thought for themselves.
The debate is out, and society is changing to be more accepting of the LGBT community, but I don't think we should end there (when it does get there). There is no word in the English language that is an antenym for Monogomy:
Antonyms for monogamy
Why is that? And why are there still laws in society against anything other than monogamy (most are not enforced...until a divorce begins)?
Statistically, more Single Mothers are in the bottom tier of society as far as the economy is concerned, and maybe even if you compared on some scale of stress you might find them on the bottom tier as well. But why? Single dad's aren't found down there?
I hope that question worked to lead you into what I'm going to say next: If your initial answer that question was "well, because single fathers don't have to take care of the kids"--Okay...why? Why don't more single dad's have primary responsibility to take care of the kids?--If you follow cultural trends, you'll realize that this is rapidly changing: more single dads ARE taking care of kids as primary caregiver. Are these single dads found in the bottom tier? --not as far as any statisticians are concerned.
Why do our tax systems support marriage? It is more costly to live alone than to have two working adults living together. And even if one of them isn't working, that person still boosts the household gross production by taking care of the home. There is only so much one person can do alone, but together we are powerful. Why does the U.S. give tax breaks to married couples? Does having a polygamous relationship make you more disobedient to the laws (aside from the anti-polygamy laws)? What about a poly-amorous relationship? Do these relationships make you less of a contributor to society?
We raise our kids to believe that if they don't want to, or don't ever, marry there is something wrong with them. That somehow everyone is expected to pair off, have kids, and then give their wealth to their kids.
Another thing we do is teach kids that they can do whatever they want with their life and be whatever they want to be. --That's cool, don't get me wrong, it's good to dream, but it's also good to be realistic and teach kids to be realistic. Years ago, the whole world operated on the order of apprenticeships, then we realized that the world was a lot bigger than we thought and so we started believing in the dream that you could be whatever you wanted to be. We started training people to be generic so that they could fit into many different positions--but we didn't change our beliefs. Our training is geared to teaching kids to be skilled in many ways and not necessarily specialized. Specialization comes when you're older...which...is probably closer to 45-65 than 35-45 as it was a few generations ago. And with the life expectancy rising...that may mean that that age will only continue to rise as people work more and more years.
The point is, mankind is maxing out on some of its resources. --That's not to say that they can't be replenished, or that we aren't sitting out proverbial oil fields in our backyards--it means that we can't sustain our rate of consumption until further breakthroughs are made. What is the job market like right now? What are the prices of oil doing? Where are the polar ice caps? --These are signs that we're starting to breach that point--or perhaps we've already breached it?
We have too many people living in too tight of spaces. We have run out of land to give away for free, which, up until the end of American Imperialism, Land was the real source of power for America--it attracted people which were the driving force of the world. Now, immigration is centered more around where the wealth is than it is about where the land is--and where does their money go? Back to their home countries to where they have an investment in land. But this isn't sustainable! --We have people living 10 people in a 2 bedroom home because they can't afford or don't want to pay for living expenses in their work country.--not legally anyway.
When you have kids, you need to be responsible for creating space for them in this world. Your kids are going to make an impact on the world after you're gone--every one that you bring into the world someone else has to exit the world. One day you will die and the person you mate with will too, but how many more people can you count on to die to leave room for your additional kids?
Lastly, Why do we tell people what to do, what do think? Why don't we teach people to ask questions and think for themselves? Our public education teaches people what is universally true, rather than how to think for themselves. Several important fields have been removed from our schools, such as mandatory courses on Rhetoric and Philosophy and instead we teach people how to optionally "debate." We keep telling people that one day some genius is going to come along and invent something new to save us all, but doesn't it seem that only an outlier, a maverick, could be that genius? Those people are rare. No one teaches you the skills to think outside of the box and we're slowly losing those individuals.
Our schools, our religions, our cultures--they create sheep, they breed followers. And sheep can't protect themselves from wolves, from mavericks. We are setting kids up to submit to ANYONE who can come along and solve our problems rather than setting our kids up to solve problems for themselves. We don't need sheep, we need men and women. Real men and women. Who are open to whatever life throws at them, who are confident and comfortable to stand up and voice their opinion and recognize that it is only an opinion and subject to change the moment something better comes along.
So thank you.
Thank you for nothing.
Because we have nothing left to lose.
Those of us who want to change and improve.
We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
So to those who believe in the powers that be,
We who are different will surpass you some day,
and you'll lose everything,
because you've gambled everything on your fantasy life:
one where you believe only certain ways of life are respectable
where you preach the ideal and never mention the realistic
Where you keep repeating the same old patterns and never adapt to the new world.
This is survival of the fittest
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Bill Nye vs Ken Ham --What the evolution debate is REALLY about!
Everyone who grew up in the 90s loves Bill Nye, and those who are interested in Christianity and Creationism will love this debate. I watched it and tried to be as objective as possible to determine what the debate was really about.
To save you 2:45 hrs of your life, let me just explain this debate and if you want to watch it after with my enlightenment, please do so.
Ken Ham's Argument:
We should only teach the science that we know is Truth in schools.
Definitions:
Observational Science - Science that derives truth from what we can observe in the present and recreate through experiments.
Historical Science - Science that derives assumptions of the past based on the present **Which Ham emphasizes the word Assumption, because it isn't 100% provable.
Creationism - (His definition is broad, so I'm going to take the liberty of explaining what I believe is pertinent to this debate) The theory that there were around 2,000 kinds and from those kinds all other animals have evolved. I.e. Finches evolved from the bird kind, parrots evolved from the bird kind, etc.
Kind - A species of animal, such as a dog, cat, mouse, lion, bird, man, etc.
Truth - (again, his definition is broad) Anything observable and/or repeatable--OR anything God has spoken in the Bible. [he tacked that one on]
Additional claims:
Ham claims evolutionists are "hijacking" the definitions of "evolution" to include observational science (finches change generationally) AND historical science (finches spawned from a single celled organism a long time ago).
Bill Nye's Argument:
We should allow teachers to teach students the scientific process, regardless of whether what they say is true or false, the emphasis is on the process and it is an exciting thing.
Bill Nye doesn't necessarily claim evolutionists are 100% right or wrong, but he claims students should be taught about everything and all the facts and possible facts should be presented to them as well as the tools to determine if it is true or false.
Definitions:
Nye doesn't directly present definitions, his argument is straightforward in this regard however, to present his argument he presented a lot of other (in my opinion) "off topic" points that debunk some of what Ham was claiming. I have however included a few useful definitions
Evolving - Taking one species and making it more complex for some purpose.
Science - The process of discovery.
Additional claims:
Science is about the process of discovery, not the truth itself.
Nye argues that the job of a scientist is to prove theories right or wrong and that a scientist can stand on either side of the debate so long as they bring Evidence forward about it. If they can't bring evidence forward then they aren't doing science, they are making claims without founding. So...he presented a few claims and provided evidence for them, (here is one of many:) such as the layers of different rocks found in the grand canyon and the fossils found in those areas how they become more and more complex. He even challenged scientists to find just 1 species from a lower layer that is found in an upper layer because if they could do that it would be ground breaking and disprove what we understand about evolutionary science--as of yet no one has.
Nye Argues that we need to encourage the younger generation to ask questions and seek answers via science in order to solve the problems of the future and keep America economically strong because otherwise other countries will do so and surpass america.
--Along with that, he argues that if we limit what students can be taught down to just the truth, we will stifle curiosity and limit the act of science (the process of discovery). [the assumption is, that if students are taught that one way is the truth and only the truth, then they will not bother researching other things outside that scope--and also, if that truth is false, no one will question it]
Some things to realize:
Private schools are increasing in enrollment, and private schools aren't limited to just creationism or just evolution. The debate is limited to public education.
This may have just been a publicity stunt on Ham's part to promote his museum and books.
Nye is a public education figure and mechanical engineer (scientist).
Ham has a degree related to education curriculum design (museum curator).
Nye is American, Ham is Australian.
Nye is Agnostic, Ham is Christian.
My opinion:
Ham was the better debater of the two--Nye wasn't as organized and not as focused on his actual argument but instead focused on the points of his argument rather than the argument as a whole. Ham came across well practiced.
I have to come out now and say that I side with Bill Nye. Nye's argument is non-judgmental of the truth. Under Nye's argument you can believe whatever you want as long as you back it up with proof whereas Ham's argument supposes that there are certain things that we shouldn't believe or argue about. If Nye is correct in his assumption, we already stifle our creativity and critical thinking by refusing to investigate the truth for ourselves.
I think public education should teach all viewpoints, all theories, and the pluses and minuses of those theories--even silly things that people once believed but no longer do (like the greek humors) because understanding the flaws in that way of thinking gives you a better idea of how to determine truth in the present times.
The important thing that public education should teach is how to come to the truth on your own. We live in the information age--we can look up any information we want, but if we don't know how to interpret that information for ourselvse and figure out how it applies to us, or we don't know how to determine if it is correct or incorrect, then what good does it do for us to know the said "truth?" Schools focus too much on memory regurgitation and not enough on independent thinking. Memory regurgitation was useful when our economy was more industrial and there were strict procedures for doing everything in our economy, but now that things have changed we need to focus on how to think for ourselves, how to come up with good ideas and solve problems, and to determine truth from untruth and how to objectively analyze things and to change our opinions if we are proven wrong.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
All-Natural Anti-Depressant: Part 9
Reread:
INTRODUCTION
PART 1- Create Space
PART 2- Persuade Yourself
PART 3- Emotions
PART 4 - Broaden your Perspective: Situations
PART 5 - Broaden your Perspective: Truth
PART 6 - Be Individual
PART 7 - Be Constructive
PART 8 - Balance (+)(-)
CONCLUSION
Happiness is within each an every one of us; you have the power to heal yourself from emotional maladies all it takes is a little bit of insight and the commitment to beat depression.
The key to finding lasting happiness is to stop doing things that are dragging you down and to start doing things that will build you up. The problem that most people have is that they don't realize all of the little things that are dragging them down. With depression, you MUST come to the realization that NO ONE can help you except yourself. Friends, family, and other well-wishers all have pure motives and desire to help you, but without full knowledge of your life, your goals, your ambitions, your personality, etc. they cannot make good decisions for you and cannot offer purely beneficial advice. The only person who knows you well enough to help you is you, and out of all of the people who hold a stake in your life and what you do with it, YOU are most dependent on your own success--more than any other person in the world.
Just to recap and reexplain, a few things that might be dragging you down are: people close to you such as friends and family, your desires and wants, your perceptions of life, and your values.
Humanity is both individual and collective--our survival requires us to work with other people and give up part of our independence to fit in with groups. The internal problem occurs when our groups (family, friends, society, etc) push on our boundaries and we lose too much of our independence to fend for ourselves.
Your wants and desires can drag you down as well. If you want things that you shouldn't have, getting them won't make you any happier. If you want things you can't have, the attempt to obtain them can make you unhappy as well. Lastly, if you try to obtain your wants in the wrong ways, no matter how hard you try to get them if you're doing it the wrong way it'll never happen.
I have observed that with the latter, it isn't that we do the wrong things to reach our wants, it's that we have too many conditional wants and the conditions compete with one another. For example, wanting to find a job that pays well and gives plenty of free time is a lot harder than finding a good paying job or a job that offers plenty of free time. The conditions compete with one another and can trick you into thinking that there is no hope of finding a job with free time or a job that pays well--sometimes the solution is to pick one or the other but not both.
Perceptions of life are huge deterrents to happiness. If you think life is supposed to work a certain way that it isn't, or that happiness is something that it isn't, then you're bound to have a lot of internal turmoil. For example, if you think that getting a job or promotion is about what you know, you'll incredibly frustrated to learn about times that you got passed up for a promotion because someone else knew somebody. You will think that they didn't deserve it or that you aren't getting what you deserve and it can contribute to your long-term depression.
Once you are able to look beyond the things that you are doing to drag yourself down, you can start to replace them with good things. Negative emotions aren't bad, they are your subconscious recalling a pattern of experiences in order to help you make good decisions in the future. If you try to stifle your emotions rather than let yourself experience them you risk making them return for the wrong reasons. Instead of feeling sad when something sad happens, you'll start to feel sad when things are sad AND whenever you feel the need to suppress your emotions, because that is how you are training yourself--whenever you need to be scared, you'll feel sad, whenever you need to be angry you'll feel sadness. Instead of suppressing your emotions, try acknowledging them, contemplate what sort of message your subconscious is trying to tell you, and then make intuitive decisions based on those feelings. Much of our emotions are simple messages from our subconscious saying: "don't do it this way again, look for a different solution to this problem."
Aside from emotions, a lot of people suffer from boredom and confusion. We've made life too easy for ourselves in some regards by inventing means of being more efficient, and in other regards we've made life more complex. It's easy to become confused, even flustered, by having to make so many decisions in a day. A good habit to form is to default your decisions to what is most constructive (as opposed to destructive). If you feel bored, think of something to improve your life or others' lives. If you feel confused, do something to improve your life or others' lives. Being focused on decision making is synonymous with being stagnant--so is being bored! A few common, constructive activities are: exercising, learning, writing, home improvement, gardening, and cleaning.
Balance balance balance. Balance being an individual vs being a part of social groups. Balance time spend on negative emotions just as much as you do positive ones. Balance being constructive and pushing yourself vs relaxing and taking time to recover. Life is a balancing act. You don't have to be happy all the time, and a brief period of depression never hurt anyone but instead helps you to enjoy the good times more.
You have it within you to heal yourself.
My grandmother could do it. I did it. You can do it too.
Happiness is within your grasp, you just have to reach out and snatch it.
INTRODUCTION
PART 1- Create Space
PART 2- Persuade Yourself
PART 3- Emotions
PART 4 - Broaden your Perspective: Situations
PART 5 - Broaden your Perspective: Truth
PART 6 - Be Individual
PART 7 - Be Constructive
PART 8 - Balance (+)(-)
CONCLUSION
Happiness is within each an every one of us; you have the power to heal yourself from emotional maladies all it takes is a little bit of insight and the commitment to beat depression.
The key to finding lasting happiness is to stop doing things that are dragging you down and to start doing things that will build you up. The problem that most people have is that they don't realize all of the little things that are dragging them down. With depression, you MUST come to the realization that NO ONE can help you except yourself. Friends, family, and other well-wishers all have pure motives and desire to help you, but without full knowledge of your life, your goals, your ambitions, your personality, etc. they cannot make good decisions for you and cannot offer purely beneficial advice. The only person who knows you well enough to help you is you, and out of all of the people who hold a stake in your life and what you do with it, YOU are most dependent on your own success--more than any other person in the world.
Just to recap and reexplain, a few things that might be dragging you down are: people close to you such as friends and family, your desires and wants, your perceptions of life, and your values.
Humanity is both individual and collective--our survival requires us to work with other people and give up part of our independence to fit in with groups. The internal problem occurs when our groups (family, friends, society, etc) push on our boundaries and we lose too much of our independence to fend for ourselves.
Your wants and desires can drag you down as well. If you want things that you shouldn't have, getting them won't make you any happier. If you want things you can't have, the attempt to obtain them can make you unhappy as well. Lastly, if you try to obtain your wants in the wrong ways, no matter how hard you try to get them if you're doing it the wrong way it'll never happen.
I have observed that with the latter, it isn't that we do the wrong things to reach our wants, it's that we have too many conditional wants and the conditions compete with one another. For example, wanting to find a job that pays well and gives plenty of free time is a lot harder than finding a good paying job or a job that offers plenty of free time. The conditions compete with one another and can trick you into thinking that there is no hope of finding a job with free time or a job that pays well--sometimes the solution is to pick one or the other but not both.
Perceptions of life are huge deterrents to happiness. If you think life is supposed to work a certain way that it isn't, or that happiness is something that it isn't, then you're bound to have a lot of internal turmoil. For example, if you think that getting a job or promotion is about what you know, you'll incredibly frustrated to learn about times that you got passed up for a promotion because someone else knew somebody. You will think that they didn't deserve it or that you aren't getting what you deserve and it can contribute to your long-term depression.
Once you are able to look beyond the things that you are doing to drag yourself down, you can start to replace them with good things. Negative emotions aren't bad, they are your subconscious recalling a pattern of experiences in order to help you make good decisions in the future. If you try to stifle your emotions rather than let yourself experience them you risk making them return for the wrong reasons. Instead of feeling sad when something sad happens, you'll start to feel sad when things are sad AND whenever you feel the need to suppress your emotions, because that is how you are training yourself--whenever you need to be scared, you'll feel sad, whenever you need to be angry you'll feel sadness. Instead of suppressing your emotions, try acknowledging them, contemplate what sort of message your subconscious is trying to tell you, and then make intuitive decisions based on those feelings. Much of our emotions are simple messages from our subconscious saying: "don't do it this way again, look for a different solution to this problem."
Aside from emotions, a lot of people suffer from boredom and confusion. We've made life too easy for ourselves in some regards by inventing means of being more efficient, and in other regards we've made life more complex. It's easy to become confused, even flustered, by having to make so many decisions in a day. A good habit to form is to default your decisions to what is most constructive (as opposed to destructive). If you feel bored, think of something to improve your life or others' lives. If you feel confused, do something to improve your life or others' lives. Being focused on decision making is synonymous with being stagnant--so is being bored! A few common, constructive activities are: exercising, learning, writing, home improvement, gardening, and cleaning.
Balance balance balance. Balance being an individual vs being a part of social groups. Balance time spend on negative emotions just as much as you do positive ones. Balance being constructive and pushing yourself vs relaxing and taking time to recover. Life is a balancing act. You don't have to be happy all the time, and a brief period of depression never hurt anyone but instead helps you to enjoy the good times more.
You have it within you to heal yourself.
My grandmother could do it. I did it. You can do it too.
Happiness is within your grasp, you just have to reach out and snatch it.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
All-Natural Anti-Depressant: Part 8
Reread:
INTRODUCTION
PART 1- Create Space
PART 2- Persuade Yourself
PART 3- Emotions
PART 4 - Broaden your Perspective: Situations
PART 5 - Broaden your Perspective: Truth
PART 6 - Be Individual
PART 7 - Be Constructive
BALANCE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE
Bad things are good now and again, and good things are bad if you have too much of them. Forcing yourself to be positive 100% of the time because you have an image in your head of a happy-go-lucky, ultra-positive individual --who you want to be--can really stress you out and make you less happy with yourself.
I specifically put this ingredient last on the list because if you don't understand the other 7 you might not understand what I try to say here, or worse you could end up in a more difficult situation to pull out of. Go back and reread the other ingredients because they're crucial.
Life isn't black and white, it isn't all good and all bad, it isn't all positive and all negative, but for whatever reason these are the things we focus on most and we try to make sense of everything in polar terms. Let's face it, life is incredibly complex and it changes so rapidly that to attempt to understand and make a firm pattern out of it could prove futile--you can't accurately describe something as black or white, good or bad. Many of the things that, upon initial inspection, appear to be good for us come to harm us later and most of the bad things that happen to us in life end up being good for us because of how we change because of them. It's easy to get caught up first in the present--and to think that everything is so horrible because we are facing hard times right now--and second in the black and white, thinking that everything is so horrible because of our perspective. I tried to point this out in Part 4 and Part 5 that if you want to live happily in this life, you need to get comfortable with the idea that you don't know everything and your circumstances right now aren't how they will always be.
Instead of focusing so much effort on trying to figure out if something is good for you or bad for you, focus on balancing your life. Balance is a synonym for control--when things start to tip in a direction that you don't want them to, you compensate by making changes--you control the acts that create the stability.
Everyone goes through rough times and at one point or another you will have something horribly bad happen to you. No one escapes life without at least one incredibly bad thing happening to them, whether its being molested as a child, taken advantage of when you were defenseless, having to face some abnormality or disease, being cheated, beat up, abandoned, retaliated against, betrayed--the list goes on and on. The only people who don't have these things happen to them die before they are old enough to face them and I would argue that they got the worst fate of all because they never got to experience life. With all of these horrible things that happen to us it's a wonder that we are able to not only survive them but thrive in spite of them!
Happiness isn't as simple as only good things happening to us, happiness is being comfortable with the bad and good that happens to us. If you go through life thinking you'll get your fair share of the good you deserve, you'll be incredibly disappointed; and if you think you don't deserve all of the bad that you're getting, you might be wrong as well.
The 8th ingredient to my All-natural Anti-Depressant is to accept the positive and the negative. Don't be greedy, it will eat you alive! You will get exactly what you deserve in life based on what you fight to obtain or what you fight to defend; you will not get what you think you deserve, ever. Life is too complicated for you to know what you deserve and it is a waste of time and energy to look back and reflect on it until you have made it out of your depressed state. Instead of focusing on how and why you are in the situation you are in right now, focus on how you're going to get out.
Acceptance means you take what life gives you and you roll with it. To accept the positive things that happen to you is to realize that, "this may be the only positive thing that happens for a while, but that's okay, I'll enjoy it while it lasts." It means that you accept the negative things that happen to you because, in that moment, you have no control over the negative things. We live in a delayed-present. The positive and negative things that are happening to us right now were triggered by things in our past. Once the trigger is pulled you can't go back and untrigger it, at the present time you only have two options: accept them for what they are, or fight them by arguing, denying, beating yourself up over them, and ultimately prolonging your unhappiness.
When you accept the positive and the negative, you establish balance in your life. You let life happen the way it is supposed to happen and you free yourself to enjoy life and not be depressed. Happiness is in you, you just need to recognize it and stop suppressing it. The only thing that can prevent you from being happy is your own mind--your actions don't lead you to unhappiness, actions lead to different situations--true happiness is founded on the only thing you have complete control over 100% of the time: your conscious.
You can heal yourself. I know you can do it!
NEXT PART 9
INTRODUCTION
PART 1- Create Space
PART 2- Persuade Yourself
PART 3- Emotions
PART 4 - Broaden your Perspective: Situations
PART 5 - Broaden your Perspective: Truth
PART 6 - Be Individual
PART 7 - Be Constructive
BALANCE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE
Bad things are good now and again, and good things are bad if you have too much of them. Forcing yourself to be positive 100% of the time because you have an image in your head of a happy-go-lucky, ultra-positive individual --who you want to be--can really stress you out and make you less happy with yourself.
I specifically put this ingredient last on the list because if you don't understand the other 7 you might not understand what I try to say here, or worse you could end up in a more difficult situation to pull out of. Go back and reread the other ingredients because they're crucial.
Life isn't black and white, it isn't all good and all bad, it isn't all positive and all negative, but for whatever reason these are the things we focus on most and we try to make sense of everything in polar terms. Let's face it, life is incredibly complex and it changes so rapidly that to attempt to understand and make a firm pattern out of it could prove futile--you can't accurately describe something as black or white, good or bad. Many of the things that, upon initial inspection, appear to be good for us come to harm us later and most of the bad things that happen to us in life end up being good for us because of how we change because of them. It's easy to get caught up first in the present--and to think that everything is so horrible because we are facing hard times right now--and second in the black and white, thinking that everything is so horrible because of our perspective. I tried to point this out in Part 4 and Part 5 that if you want to live happily in this life, you need to get comfortable with the idea that you don't know everything and your circumstances right now aren't how they will always be.
Instead of focusing so much effort on trying to figure out if something is good for you or bad for you, focus on balancing your life. Balance is a synonym for control--when things start to tip in a direction that you don't want them to, you compensate by making changes--you control the acts that create the stability.
Everyone goes through rough times and at one point or another you will have something horribly bad happen to you. No one escapes life without at least one incredibly bad thing happening to them, whether its being molested as a child, taken advantage of when you were defenseless, having to face some abnormality or disease, being cheated, beat up, abandoned, retaliated against, betrayed--the list goes on and on. The only people who don't have these things happen to them die before they are old enough to face them and I would argue that they got the worst fate of all because they never got to experience life. With all of these horrible things that happen to us it's a wonder that we are able to not only survive them but thrive in spite of them!
Happiness isn't as simple as only good things happening to us, happiness is being comfortable with the bad and good that happens to us. If you go through life thinking you'll get your fair share of the good you deserve, you'll be incredibly disappointed; and if you think you don't deserve all of the bad that you're getting, you might be wrong as well.
The 8th ingredient to my All-natural Anti-Depressant is to accept the positive and the negative. Don't be greedy, it will eat you alive! You will get exactly what you deserve in life based on what you fight to obtain or what you fight to defend; you will not get what you think you deserve, ever. Life is too complicated for you to know what you deserve and it is a waste of time and energy to look back and reflect on it until you have made it out of your depressed state. Instead of focusing on how and why you are in the situation you are in right now, focus on how you're going to get out.
Acceptance means you take what life gives you and you roll with it. To accept the positive things that happen to you is to realize that, "this may be the only positive thing that happens for a while, but that's okay, I'll enjoy it while it lasts." It means that you accept the negative things that happen to you because, in that moment, you have no control over the negative things. We live in a delayed-present. The positive and negative things that are happening to us right now were triggered by things in our past. Once the trigger is pulled you can't go back and untrigger it, at the present time you only have two options: accept them for what they are, or fight them by arguing, denying, beating yourself up over them, and ultimately prolonging your unhappiness.
When you accept the positive and the negative, you establish balance in your life. You let life happen the way it is supposed to happen and you free yourself to enjoy life and not be depressed. Happiness is in you, you just need to recognize it and stop suppressing it. The only thing that can prevent you from being happy is your own mind--your actions don't lead you to unhappiness, actions lead to different situations--true happiness is founded on the only thing you have complete control over 100% of the time: your conscious.
You can heal yourself. I know you can do it!
NEXT PART 9
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