Monday, November 3, 2014

seeking understanding of self

November is the month of understanding, and I've started the month off with a quest to understand myself better. . .

I have been having some bad days over the last couple of weeks. I hit a few highs bit mostly a lot of lows. --I'm not too concerned, it will get better eventually, it always does. But, only after I do some serious work to make it better. In this case, I'm doing a lot of soul searching.

I know what I am passionate about now in life. Sometimes I just forget and then my life gets hollow and I don't approach life with the same positive mindset. I face major letdowns and let things eat at me.
It all came to a head just barely though.

I want someone to want me.

And I would give up everything for that, except I'm scared because it doesn't happen quick enough.
I take life at 90mph. It speeds by and I'm used to it and don't notice. But most people drive 25, which might actually be slower than my idle. So I have to break if I'm going to follow them, and if they follow me. They can't keep up.

Depressing, yes, but at least I can understand it now. I want you to want me, and it hurts my heart a little that you don't want me at the speed I want you.


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