Why I change

I change rapidly.

I've had it described by others and myself that I change as though my rocket ship is already loaded and ready to launch and someone or something hit the launch button.

But let me describe why that is.

Each time I change, it's because my very life and existence is at risk. I change because I know how close death is. Not because I've almost died, but because I've thought very carefully about killing myself before. I came to the conclusion that I'm not going to do anything again that would bring me close to death. There are ALWAYS alternatives. If I'm not happy with where my life is going, I change. If I don't like my lifestyle, I change.

I don't want to live a life if I don't enjoy it, so if I stop enjoying it, I quit that and do something else.

If my principles and theories about life cease to make sense, make me feel guilty, make me upset, make me into something I don't want to be--I give them up. I change.

I don't want to be anything that I'm not completely satisfied with; and when I'm not completely satisfied with the present, or with the possible future outcomes ahead of me, I change.

I change everything and I know that if I change once, I can change back if I find another way to make my past work.