Longing

I long for a simple life,
something better because I get it
something I chose completely
not something I fell into.

I don't want opportunities
they always come with stipulations
and they're rarely things I want at the time
I want options that I created.

And yet.
I want them now.


I feel like Bilbo Baggins when he says, "I want to see mountains again, Mountains Gandolf!"

I want that dream I've been chasing and I'm frustrated because I worry that it isn't possible.

A lot of things are piling up to some key moments that I have no control over right now and I have to wait to see how they play out. If they play out the way I would like, then I will be satisfied. If they don't, then I have to react to those outcomes. But right now, I just wish it would just play out so I don't have to be anxious.