A flawed system

I keep listening to this song and I think it has a huge effect on me. It's pretty heavy.

Life's pretty lame; but it doesn't have to be.



I've seen how beautiful life can be. I've touch those magnificent moments, I could smell them and taste them and bask in them--that's how real it is for me.
But I've also seen the idiotic mess that we've made of life. We humans have thwarted our own best chances. Instead of conceding to being happy, we put ourselves into an agitated state 24/7 and we dangle the golden carrot in front of our own eyes. Then we deny ourselves from ever reaching it.
And the interesting thing about all of this is that every human being does this.



Me, I'm trying to get back to the root of all life. That quest, it would seem, is my golden carrot. And as I work for it, I see these very complex obstacles that are stopping me. I see the bureaucratic system holding me back from this end goal. That system is starting to disgust me, and the more it disgusts me the more I want that carrot and the more I'm pushing for alternative routes to that goal. It's a perpetual cycle of me wanting this thing I can't have and not being happy right now because I'm too disgusted by the world around me; yet that disgust is what keeps me going as if maybe the thing I'm disgusted by is really what I'm living for.

*shiver*



To further my point, I'm going to share an out-there example that I think illuminates this predicament: People who vocally hate drama tend to be the ones whose lives are full of drama and more often than not are the ones who are starting drama. They'll point fingers at other people and try to blame them for causing drama in their life, yet the act of pointing fingers is what perpetuates the drama. It is as if the thing they hate the most is really themselves.

I feel a lot of sympathy for everyone right now. People who want love more than anything yet they struggle with loving others--People who live in fear of an anxious and tense situation, yet it is their tension that is triggering that very anxiety and fear.--People who struggle every day with their addictions and want to quit but they see themselves as weak and pathetic and only because they can't overcome their addictions.

Its sad you guys.

I'm not okay with this; and I think I've been going about this the wrong way by thinking "we" need to do something about this; because really "I" need to do something about this.