Sunday, April 17, 2011
KC's Poetry: Vertical Climb
KC's Poetry: Vertical Climb: "I’m not a nihilist; but everything I do brings be back to 0,0. In the grand scheme of things, Every positive I make in one way Could be made..."
Friday, April 15, 2011
You're Silly
I have been known to call people silly quite frequently; my friends (typically who are girls), my family, dogs and animals, etc. have all been called it before.
I realized yesterday though, the reason I call them that. Although I am fairly good at making an argument and providing in depth analysis and critical views of things, I am often not very good at describing how I feel. I very much feel things, but I don't often know how to put them in words. Sure, English is a very flexible language, and I am beginning to learn how to properly use it to explain myself, but it just cannot do justice for some of the happiest and most joyous experiences I have.
Sometimes someone close to me does something that makes me laugh inside, either because it is humorous, or because my interpretation of it is humorous. I don't want to laugh, either because I am tired, or because I fear offending them, so instead I will call them silly. Really, the person who is "silly" is me, because I cannot seem to figure out how to express that emotion.
I am a fan of people who do cute things, or things that show just how human and real they are, and that they are trying their hardest and doing everything expected of them. It is an admirable trait in the world we live in where everyone has told a lie and a lot of people are disguising who they really are in order to accomplish their own selfish objectives.
I am also a fan of people who do things selflessly. That too is pretty admirable because it shows that they have a good character.
But when it comes to me telling them that I like that about them, I find it often awkward or challenging to explain it to them, so I settle on calling them silly.
Last night I called my parents silly (not openly but in my head) because I had to explain the rules to a new card game to them ten different times in ten different ways. It was not their fault really, they are getting older and it is more difficult for them to understand the new complexities that are entering into culture. The truth is, I liked explaining it to them in so many different ways because it gave me an opportunity to test my communicating abilities in new ways.
I hope people don't get offended when I call them silly. It is almost always a good thing.
I am reminded of the Kurosawa film Sanjuro in which Sagatasha Sanjuro is a character who often points out his displeasure and yet appreciates it. He is later called "a too sharp sword" by another character, who explains that good swords are kept in their sheathes and remain sharp. Other characters say that "that is just how he talks". He might get upset, or angry, or point out how other people's decisions affect his life negatively, but in reality he knows it is something he can handle, probably from the experience he has had with dealing with it, and he recognizes that life wouldn't be the same if people weren't always disrupting his tranquility. In fact, the story starts out with him being awoken to a secret meeting people are having in another room of an empty shrine he chose to stay the night in. If they didn't wake him up with their chatter, he would not have gotten involved with them and he would not have enjoyed the experiences he enjoyed while living through that.
I think I am very much like Sanjuro. I enjoy all experiences even though at the time I might now realize it. That is what makes life fun, when out of the ordinary people rub on your life and polish you a little more.
I realized yesterday though, the reason I call them that. Although I am fairly good at making an argument and providing in depth analysis and critical views of things, I am often not very good at describing how I feel. I very much feel things, but I don't often know how to put them in words. Sure, English is a very flexible language, and I am beginning to learn how to properly use it to explain myself, but it just cannot do justice for some of the happiest and most joyous experiences I have.
Sometimes someone close to me does something that makes me laugh inside, either because it is humorous, or because my interpretation of it is humorous. I don't want to laugh, either because I am tired, or because I fear offending them, so instead I will call them silly. Really, the person who is "silly" is me, because I cannot seem to figure out how to express that emotion.
I am a fan of people who do cute things, or things that show just how human and real they are, and that they are trying their hardest and doing everything expected of them. It is an admirable trait in the world we live in where everyone has told a lie and a lot of people are disguising who they really are in order to accomplish their own selfish objectives.
I am also a fan of people who do things selflessly. That too is pretty admirable because it shows that they have a good character.
But when it comes to me telling them that I like that about them, I find it often awkward or challenging to explain it to them, so I settle on calling them silly.
Last night I called my parents silly (not openly but in my head) because I had to explain the rules to a new card game to them ten different times in ten different ways. It was not their fault really, they are getting older and it is more difficult for them to understand the new complexities that are entering into culture. The truth is, I liked explaining it to them in so many different ways because it gave me an opportunity to test my communicating abilities in new ways.
I hope people don't get offended when I call them silly. It is almost always a good thing.
I am reminded of the Kurosawa film Sanjuro in which Sagatasha Sanjuro is a character who often points out his displeasure and yet appreciates it. He is later called "a too sharp sword" by another character, who explains that good swords are kept in their sheathes and remain sharp. Other characters say that "that is just how he talks". He might get upset, or angry, or point out how other people's decisions affect his life negatively, but in reality he knows it is something he can handle, probably from the experience he has had with dealing with it, and he recognizes that life wouldn't be the same if people weren't always disrupting his tranquility. In fact, the story starts out with him being awoken to a secret meeting people are having in another room of an empty shrine he chose to stay the night in. If they didn't wake him up with their chatter, he would not have gotten involved with them and he would not have enjoyed the experiences he enjoyed while living through that.
I think I am very much like Sanjuro. I enjoy all experiences even though at the time I might now realize it. That is what makes life fun, when out of the ordinary people rub on your life and polish you a little more.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
two days
Crazy...It's been a while since I posted.
Well, it must be getting closer to finals week because I'm really busy writing papers trying to prove arguments and my point of view...
Really it's the research that takes the time. If you have all the research necessary it becomes easier to write. Research is really the key.
I also finished a rough draft of a manuscript for a book I've titled "Being Gorgeous: a how to book." The title still hasn't settled on me so it might get a few changes, but the content in it is what counts. It's at 80 pages right now double spaced. This rough draft is from start to finish however I need to make sure everything is in there that needs to be and that it all flows logically and builds on itself until the very end. (that's how good arguments are). I also want to add in little figures and quotes and additional snippets and examples and possibly pictures/comics but I need to make sure that the base text is good before I think about that stuff.
Research has been the key to this book. Years of studying women has lead me to an understanding of what makes great women great, and I felt like I needed to share with the world the process involved in it so that other motivated women can read it and use it as a guide to becoming great. I would compare it to a book on perfecting your skill at tennis. Knowing certain things and how they work can help you when you have to apply them in practice.
Well, it must be getting closer to finals week because I'm really busy writing papers trying to prove arguments and my point of view...
Really it's the research that takes the time. If you have all the research necessary it becomes easier to write. Research is really the key.
I also finished a rough draft of a manuscript for a book I've titled "Being Gorgeous: a how to book." The title still hasn't settled on me so it might get a few changes, but the content in it is what counts. It's at 80 pages right now double spaced. This rough draft is from start to finish however I need to make sure everything is in there that needs to be and that it all flows logically and builds on itself until the very end. (that's how good arguments are). I also want to add in little figures and quotes and additional snippets and examples and possibly pictures/comics but I need to make sure that the base text is good before I think about that stuff.
Research has been the key to this book. Years of studying women has lead me to an understanding of what makes great women great, and I felt like I needed to share with the world the process involved in it so that other motivated women can read it and use it as a guide to becoming great. I would compare it to a book on perfecting your skill at tennis. Knowing certain things and how they work can help you when you have to apply them in practice.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Coaching and Respect
I have the perfect personality for a coach. I enjoy coaching people because I like to see them succeed and I am highly goal oriented. --but those aren't what make me perfect for coaching.
The thing that makes me perfect for coaching is that I bring out people. Whatever their flaws are whatever their strengths are, and whatever their true character is, I WILL BRING IT OUT. I have an uncanny ability to detect Bullshit and strong perception skills for body language and for regular language. I know how to motivate people when the opportune time comes and I know when to chastise and reprimand people.
Maybe I'm a little egotistical, but I love to play with people's egos. If I detect in any way that they think they are better than they really are, or if they're phony with themselves, then I start to test them to see if they hold up. I've found some really amazing people who thought they were good, and they backed it up. It's not pride, it's humility to know just where you fit in life. I've also met a lot of people who think they're good and can't back it up in any way.--those people generally don't like me either because I show them up, or spending time around brings out their flaws and they can't handle it.
I love being this way; I wouldn't change it for anything. Sure I constantly bring out the worst in bad people, but I've grown to handle it. I've also grown to adore people who can stand up in the light, and that's what I really live for.
Whether people want me to coach them or not I do it anyway--some people don't realize that they're growing, and I see them growing, from the interactions they have with me. Others don't need coaching so much as help, and by having this personality I have a way of building relationships with people in which they can be candid with me and they can be upfront about what they really want in life. I love honest people. Honesty is really the first step, because if you aren't honest with yourself and open with others then you're going to have a hard time succeeding.
I would almost say the 2nd step is having respect. If you want to go far in life you have to be respectful of other people, You can't hold yourself up as the highest and best, you have to honor people when they deserve honoring. People who go around life thinking they are better than other people don't realize that until they get over it they aren't going to grow and learn the things that others ARE good at.
This is why coaches demand respect, they demand honesty, and they demand openness. Because although you can trick people into growing, they don't grow as well or as quickly.
That's why God demands the same things. Respect, honesty and openness. Because although you're going to keep growing with or without those attributes, God can make you grow much quicker and in a better way.
The thing that makes me perfect for coaching is that I bring out people. Whatever their flaws are whatever their strengths are, and whatever their true character is, I WILL BRING IT OUT. I have an uncanny ability to detect Bullshit and strong perception skills for body language and for regular language. I know how to motivate people when the opportune time comes and I know when to chastise and reprimand people.
Maybe I'm a little egotistical, but I love to play with people's egos. If I detect in any way that they think they are better than they really are, or if they're phony with themselves, then I start to test them to see if they hold up. I've found some really amazing people who thought they were good, and they backed it up. It's not pride, it's humility to know just where you fit in life. I've also met a lot of people who think they're good and can't back it up in any way.--those people generally don't like me either because I show them up, or spending time around brings out their flaws and they can't handle it.
I love being this way; I wouldn't change it for anything. Sure I constantly bring out the worst in bad people, but I've grown to handle it. I've also grown to adore people who can stand up in the light, and that's what I really live for.
Whether people want me to coach them or not I do it anyway--some people don't realize that they're growing, and I see them growing, from the interactions they have with me. Others don't need coaching so much as help, and by having this personality I have a way of building relationships with people in which they can be candid with me and they can be upfront about what they really want in life. I love honest people. Honesty is really the first step, because if you aren't honest with yourself and open with others then you're going to have a hard time succeeding.
I would almost say the 2nd step is having respect. If you want to go far in life you have to be respectful of other people, You can't hold yourself up as the highest and best, you have to honor people when they deserve honoring. People who go around life thinking they are better than other people don't realize that until they get over it they aren't going to grow and learn the things that others ARE good at.
This is why coaches demand respect, they demand honesty, and they demand openness. Because although you can trick people into growing, they don't grow as well or as quickly.
That's why God demands the same things. Respect, honesty and openness. Because although you're going to keep growing with or without those attributes, God can make you grow much quicker and in a better way.
Not lazy, not forgetting, just confused
It'd not that I was lazy and didn't feel like posting anything. Out wasn't that I was busy, per say. It wasn't even really that I spaced it...
My excuse for not posting something within 17 min ago was really that I forgot that I didn't quite anything today. You see, I forgot whether it was yesterday or today that I wrote something, and so when it came time to check I just assumed that it was today that I wrote something.
Oh well, you'll just get two of them tomorrow (which is really today since it is 1220am and I am lying in bed reviewing my day in my head and using my phone to write this...
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Ideas
I get ideas at weird times. Well...for me they seem weird, but according to various studies my ideas come right when they are natural to come. Take for instance in the shower. Because I am so busy throughout the day, I don't usually get brilliant ideas and they just build up until I am in the quiet alone. Brainstorming doesn't always work the way it should for me, but long showers tend to. There is something about being alone in the quite that opens up the creativity in a person. It also helps to write things down frequently because most people get creative ideas more than they think, they just don't remember them.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Assumptions and My Parents, a drastic lifestyle
Probably my biggest pet peeve with people is that they assume way more often than they know. --I'm not restricted from it either, but I try to avoid it.
My parents in particular have that nasty habit. My mom assumes that people already know what she's talking about when she says things, so a lot of her sentences are half sentences that are really vague. It's sometimes hard to communicate with her. "K, did you see that thing that was was mailed here the other day?" (assuming that I know what "that thing" is or that I get the mail. Both of which I do not know or do).
Both of my parents also assume that they know things others do not (I know...it's kinda conflicting for my mother to do both, but she finds a way to do it). "When you feed the horses you need to put the food in four containers instead of three because they like to fight over it and play musical chairs, and you'll get mad at Zippy because he likes to be a butt. The other day I fed them and he started biting and kicking the other horses until they left." (assuming I don't already know how much of a punk that zippy is, and that I care about those details--all I asked for in that situation was instructions, not explanations, I was on the phone in my car waiting to get out and hurry and start feeding the animals and get back to doing other things).
How about this one: "You need job experience or no one will hire you." Often times they refer back to other people who are not like me and made a few mistakes here and there that got them in trouble. "Don't do what so and so does and keep borrowing money like you've got it." "You have this problem where you don't know how to work or want to work." --Pleeeaase. Just stop telling me things about myself like you know me in any way.
My response to people who assume things is usually to not bother telling them things. (they already "know" them anyway right?) Take for instance that my parents have no clue what my life goals are, or my long term goals are, or my short term goals are, in fact, they don't know WHY I come home every weekend anymore, they don't know how I am doing in school, they don't know WHAT I am doing in school, they don't even know what classes I am taking this semester or what I plan to get a degree for. They also don't know that my degree is really my plan B in life. Literally I could not even go to school, get terrible grades and nearly get kicked out and they wouldn't know anything.
When my mother calls me on the phone it's usually to tell me to do things (she doesn't ever really ask). Or she'll tell me things that are going on with the rest of the family or with her work, or with our house or property. She RARELY tells me how she feels and if she does it usually includes a "sob"-story about something I don't care about like how she nearly cried when the bolt didn't thread at work and she had to waste 3 hours fixing it. It's usually weird stuff in other words that get her to have emotions. The only other times I've seen her have emotions were when she would get upset about her dad or my brother or sister and usually they were weird emotions anyway (things that she shouldn't bawl about--they weren't things like them getting in a wreck or making poor decisions)
My dad never calls me. If he talks to me on the phone it's because my mother called and he passed it over. I have to call him if I want to hear from him, or else I have to catch him during his "leisure time" while he's browsing the internet for stupid things. The only times I have had semi-real conversations with him have been while we were eating lunch or while we were working on a project together. We don't even talk while we're watching TV together or playing chess, it's all about what's going on at the moment.
Under this light it is understandable why they would assume things about me. Because they also assumed long ago that I would tell them if a problem occurred or if something new happened. New? Yes. Problems? no.
I tell them about new occurrences all of the time. Usually while they are working.
My mother goes non-stop like a robot. She's either working from home on her laptop, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, gardening/outdoor, shopping, or a lot of really stupid things that take a lot of time and aren't necessary. She's not like my dad, I can't talk to her while she does those things because she can't focus very well. She's all over the place usually and she makes phone calls left and right. If I want to talk to her it has to be over the phone because usually she'd rather watch/listen to the TV than talk to someone in person.
My dad too is usually working. Both of my parents are workaholics. My dad is different though in that a lot of the things that he does are things you can't do while talking. Driving a tractor around, tending animals, selling things, typing things or making phone calls. By the time it hits 10:30 he's ready to go out cold so he can wake up at 6:30.
So when I have new things to share with my parents, it's usually right when they get home from work and are going in and out of the garage unloading their car. Then they work until dinner time and then finish some things up for the next day before heading to bed. I weasel as much in as I can but usually I'm told "Shhh, I'm trying to hear this" (on the news) or my mother will walk away or lose focus; my dad will find a way to dismiss whatever I say, either because he doesn't trust that I know what I'm talking about or because he is busy doing other things. Both of my parents claim they would love to have some free time to do things, but in reality they don't want free time--they love working too much.
As for problems in my life? Why bother? They aren't heard anyway. Usually I wait until I know the solution to the problem and can ask them for something specific. Then I have to go through a process where I prove to them why the solution works and eventually I get what I want. There are a lot of non-verbal things that go on though for my life to exist, like leaving out batteries on the table so that they know we are out of batteries--or that I used batteries because I get in trouble for using them and not telling anyone yet I can't tell them anything.
Sometimes it's frustrating, but I've learned to manage things...really I just learned to accept that they aren't really listening to me so I should find other people who will.
So with this non-listening relationship that I have with them, occasionally they'll ask me a leading question that if answered would make the situation look bad when it really isn't. "What time are you coming home," is a fun question to answer when there is a snow storm heading for the canyon and I know that the time I am going through the canyon is right when it hits and I know that they know when it will hit as well. --Of course I don't want my parents to worry and I don't want them to assume things that aren't true, but when I weigh risks and take them for myself then I really don't want them yelling at me or creating a conflict when there's nothing to worry about, nothing is going wrong, etc.
Often times I respond to their questions with the absolute truth in a sarcastic tone: "I'm coming home right when the snow storm is at its worst". They of course think I am joking but I'm really not.
My parent's lifestyle is one in which I am shaped by, and one in which I hope I do not fall into. One of my life goals in fact is to have a life that is unlike theirs. --I don't want to have kids that I don't really talk to. I don't want to work more than 3/4 of the time; I want to enjoy life around me and be able to take breaks occasionally. Maybe I am being unreasonable for wanting that, but at least I know what I am working towards and I'm willing to not assume anything that I can't back up.
My parents in particular have that nasty habit. My mom assumes that people already know what she's talking about when she says things, so a lot of her sentences are half sentences that are really vague. It's sometimes hard to communicate with her. "K, did you see that thing that was was mailed here the other day?" (assuming that I know what "that thing" is or that I get the mail. Both of which I do not know or do).
Both of my parents also assume that they know things others do not (I know...it's kinda conflicting for my mother to do both, but she finds a way to do it). "When you feed the horses you need to put the food in four containers instead of three because they like to fight over it and play musical chairs, and you'll get mad at Zippy because he likes to be a butt. The other day I fed them and he started biting and kicking the other horses until they left." (assuming I don't already know how much of a punk that zippy is, and that I care about those details--all I asked for in that situation was instructions, not explanations, I was on the phone in my car waiting to get out and hurry and start feeding the animals and get back to doing other things).
How about this one: "You need job experience or no one will hire you." Often times they refer back to other people who are not like me and made a few mistakes here and there that got them in trouble. "Don't do what so and so does and keep borrowing money like you've got it." "You have this problem where you don't know how to work or want to work." --Pleeeaase. Just stop telling me things about myself like you know me in any way.
My response to people who assume things is usually to not bother telling them things. (they already "know" them anyway right?) Take for instance that my parents have no clue what my life goals are, or my long term goals are, or my short term goals are, in fact, they don't know WHY I come home every weekend anymore, they don't know how I am doing in school, they don't know WHAT I am doing in school, they don't even know what classes I am taking this semester or what I plan to get a degree for. They also don't know that my degree is really my plan B in life. Literally I could not even go to school, get terrible grades and nearly get kicked out and they wouldn't know anything.
When my mother calls me on the phone it's usually to tell me to do things (she doesn't ever really ask). Or she'll tell me things that are going on with the rest of the family or with her work, or with our house or property. She RARELY tells me how she feels and if she does it usually includes a "sob"-story about something I don't care about like how she nearly cried when the bolt didn't thread at work and she had to waste 3 hours fixing it. It's usually weird stuff in other words that get her to have emotions. The only other times I've seen her have emotions were when she would get upset about her dad or my brother or sister and usually they were weird emotions anyway (things that she shouldn't bawl about--they weren't things like them getting in a wreck or making poor decisions)
My dad never calls me. If he talks to me on the phone it's because my mother called and he passed it over. I have to call him if I want to hear from him, or else I have to catch him during his "leisure time" while he's browsing the internet for stupid things. The only times I have had semi-real conversations with him have been while we were eating lunch or while we were working on a project together. We don't even talk while we're watching TV together or playing chess, it's all about what's going on at the moment.
Under this light it is understandable why they would assume things about me. Because they also assumed long ago that I would tell them if a problem occurred or if something new happened. New? Yes. Problems? no.
I tell them about new occurrences all of the time. Usually while they are working.
My mother goes non-stop like a robot. She's either working from home on her laptop, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, gardening/outdoor, shopping, or a lot of really stupid things that take a lot of time and aren't necessary. She's not like my dad, I can't talk to her while she does those things because she can't focus very well. She's all over the place usually and she makes phone calls left and right. If I want to talk to her it has to be over the phone because usually she'd rather watch/listen to the TV than talk to someone in person.
My dad too is usually working. Both of my parents are workaholics. My dad is different though in that a lot of the things that he does are things you can't do while talking. Driving a tractor around, tending animals, selling things, typing things or making phone calls. By the time it hits 10:30 he's ready to go out cold so he can wake up at 6:30.
So when I have new things to share with my parents, it's usually right when they get home from work and are going in and out of the garage unloading their car. Then they work until dinner time and then finish some things up for the next day before heading to bed. I weasel as much in as I can but usually I'm told "Shhh, I'm trying to hear this" (on the news) or my mother will walk away or lose focus; my dad will find a way to dismiss whatever I say, either because he doesn't trust that I know what I'm talking about or because he is busy doing other things. Both of my parents claim they would love to have some free time to do things, but in reality they don't want free time--they love working too much.
As for problems in my life? Why bother? They aren't heard anyway. Usually I wait until I know the solution to the problem and can ask them for something specific. Then I have to go through a process where I prove to them why the solution works and eventually I get what I want. There are a lot of non-verbal things that go on though for my life to exist, like leaving out batteries on the table so that they know we are out of batteries--or that I used batteries because I get in trouble for using them and not telling anyone yet I can't tell them anything.
Sometimes it's frustrating, but I've learned to manage things...really I just learned to accept that they aren't really listening to me so I should find other people who will.
So with this non-listening relationship that I have with them, occasionally they'll ask me a leading question that if answered would make the situation look bad when it really isn't. "What time are you coming home," is a fun question to answer when there is a snow storm heading for the canyon and I know that the time I am going through the canyon is right when it hits and I know that they know when it will hit as well. --Of course I don't want my parents to worry and I don't want them to assume things that aren't true, but when I weigh risks and take them for myself then I really don't want them yelling at me or creating a conflict when there's nothing to worry about, nothing is going wrong, etc.
Often times I respond to their questions with the absolute truth in a sarcastic tone: "I'm coming home right when the snow storm is at its worst". They of course think I am joking but I'm really not.
My parent's lifestyle is one in which I am shaped by, and one in which I hope I do not fall into. One of my life goals in fact is to have a life that is unlike theirs. --I don't want to have kids that I don't really talk to. I don't want to work more than 3/4 of the time; I want to enjoy life around me and be able to take breaks occasionally. Maybe I am being unreasonable for wanting that, but at least I know what I am working towards and I'm willing to not assume anything that I can't back up.
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