Probably my biggest pet peeve with people is that they assume way more often than they know. --I'm not restricted from it either, but I try to avoid it.
My parents in particular have that nasty habit. My mom assumes that people already know what she's talking about when she says things, so a lot of her sentences are half sentences that are really vague. It's sometimes hard to communicate with her. "K, did you see that thing that was was mailed here the other day?" (assuming that I know what "that thing" is or that I get the mail. Both of which I do not know or do).
Both of my parents also assume that they know things others do not (I know...it's kinda conflicting for my mother to do both, but she finds a way to do it). "When you feed the horses you need to put the food in four containers instead of three because they like to fight over it and play musical chairs, and you'll get mad at Zippy because he likes to be a butt. The other day I fed them and he started biting and kicking the other horses until they left." (assuming I don't already know how much of a punk that zippy is, and that I care about those details--all I asked for in that situation was instructions, not explanations, I was on the phone in my car waiting to get out and hurry and start feeding the animals and get back to doing other things).
How about this one: "You need job experience or no one will hire you." Often times they refer back to other people who are not like me and made a few mistakes here and there that got them in trouble. "Don't do what so and so does and keep borrowing money like you've got it." "You have this problem where you don't know how to work or want to work." --Pleeeaase. Just stop telling me things about myself like you know me in any way.
My response to people who assume things is usually to not bother telling them things. (they already "know" them anyway right?) Take for instance that my parents have no clue what my life goals are, or my long term goals are, or my short term goals are, in fact, they don't know WHY I come home every weekend anymore, they don't know how I am doing in school, they don't know WHAT I am doing in school, they don't even know what classes I am taking this semester or what I plan to get a degree for. They also don't know that my degree is really my plan B in life. Literally I could not even go to school, get terrible grades and nearly get kicked out and they wouldn't know anything.
When my mother calls me on the phone it's usually to tell me to do things (she doesn't ever really ask). Or she'll tell me things that are going on with the rest of the family or with her work, or with our house or property. She RARELY tells me how she feels and if she does it usually includes a "sob"-story about something I don't care about like how she nearly cried when the bolt didn't thread at work and she had to waste 3 hours fixing it. It's usually weird stuff in other words that get her to have emotions. The only other times I've seen her have emotions were when she would get upset about her dad or my brother or sister and usually they were weird emotions anyway (things that she shouldn't bawl about--they weren't things like them getting in a wreck or making poor decisions)
My dad never calls me. If he talks to me on the phone it's because my mother called and he passed it over. I have to call him if I want to hear from him, or else I have to catch him during his "leisure time" while he's browsing the internet for stupid things. The only times I have had semi-real conversations with him have been while we were eating lunch or while we were working on a project together. We don't even talk while we're watching TV together or playing chess, it's all about what's going on at the moment.
Under this light it is understandable why they would assume things about me. Because they also assumed long ago that I would tell them if a problem occurred or if something new happened. New? Yes. Problems? no.
I tell them about new occurrences all of the time. Usually while they are working.
My mother goes non-stop like a robot. She's either working from home on her laptop, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, gardening/outdoor, shopping, or a lot of really stupid things that take a lot of time and aren't necessary. She's not like my dad, I can't talk to her while she does those things because she can't focus very well. She's all over the place usually and she makes phone calls left and right. If I want to talk to her it has to be over the phone because usually she'd rather watch/listen to the TV than talk to someone in person.
My dad too is usually working. Both of my parents are workaholics. My dad is different though in that a lot of the things that he does are things you can't do while talking. Driving a tractor around, tending animals, selling things, typing things or making phone calls. By the time it hits 10:30 he's ready to go out cold so he can wake up at 6:30.
So when I have new things to share with my parents, it's usually right when they get home from work and are going in and out of the garage unloading their car. Then they work until dinner time and then finish some things up for the next day before heading to bed. I weasel as much in as I can but usually I'm told "Shhh, I'm trying to hear this" (on the news) or my mother will walk away or lose focus; my dad will find a way to dismiss whatever I say, either because he doesn't trust that I know what I'm talking about or because he is busy doing other things. Both of my parents claim they would love to have some free time to do things, but in reality they don't want free time--they love working too much.
As for problems in my life? Why bother? They aren't heard anyway. Usually I wait until I know the solution to the problem and can ask them for something specific. Then I have to go through a process where I prove to them why the solution works and eventually I get what I want. There are a lot of non-verbal things that go on though for my life to exist, like leaving out batteries on the table so that they know we are out of batteries--or that I used batteries because I get in trouble for using them and not telling anyone yet I can't tell them anything.
Sometimes it's frustrating, but I've learned to manage things...really I just learned to accept that they aren't really listening to me so I should find other people who will.
So with this non-listening relationship that I have with them, occasionally they'll ask me a leading question that if answered would make the situation look bad when it really isn't. "What time are you coming home," is a fun question to answer when there is a snow storm heading for the canyon and I know that the time I am going through the canyon is right when it hits and I know that they know when it will hit as well. --Of course I don't want my parents to worry and I don't want them to assume things that aren't true, but when I weigh risks and take them for myself then I really don't want them yelling at me or creating a conflict when there's nothing to worry about, nothing is going wrong, etc.
Often times I respond to their questions with the absolute truth in a sarcastic tone: "I'm coming home right when the snow storm is at its worst". They of course think I am joking but I'm really not.
My parent's lifestyle is one in which I am shaped by, and one in which I hope I do not fall into. One of my life goals in fact is to have a life that is unlike theirs. --I don't want to have kids that I don't really talk to. I don't want to work more than 3/4 of the time; I want to enjoy life around me and be able to take breaks occasionally. Maybe I am being unreasonable for wanting that, but at least I know what I am working towards and I'm willing to not assume anything that I can't back up.
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