PART 1: What is Love? Passion, Feelings, Connection,Selflessness, Friendship--All are Explored!

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" -- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
Inversely, just because you call it a rose does not mean it is a rose. Plato seemed to be arguing this when he described Truth as what is actually there rather than what the majority of people think is truth.

PART1: What is Love?


People over-complicate Love. They call things that aren't love, "love;" and they call things that are love by different names. Love really isn't that difficult to understand, and so I've provided a lovely definition below which I would love for nay-sayers to argue with me over and tell me I'm wrong so that I have opportunity to further argue why I'm right. As well, I decided to debunk a few of Love's mysteries here--the things that people claim is love but really isn't--You know...Lust, Friendship, Good Feelings, Connection, or the desire to be Selfless.

Love is a permanent, helpful interest in another living organism. 

A) It is an Interest in that it is a concern for the other; desire to know about, hear news of, and be involved in the life of the other.

B) It is Helpful in that it is a positive desire to benefit the other person.

C) It is Permanent in that it can never go away once you have it.

If you don't have all three, then it isn't love, because the policeman might have an interest in what you are doing and be helpful to your cause, but he doesn't love you. Your enemies might have a permanent interest in you but not want to be helpful. Charity groups can be permanent and helpful (they will always help you), and yet not really take an interest in you or keep track of you, but that does not mean they love you.

1 - Love is not Passion--those intense emotions that lure you in and instill desire within you for the other person, or the fantasies you want to act out--those are Passion and not Love. The word Passion should be used instead of Love when describing this sensation.

2 - Love is not a Feeling. Excitement is a feeling, Suspense is a feeling, Confusion is a feeling, Worry is a feeling, but Love is not a feeling. "You are Excited to see her," not, "you are Loved when you see her;" when you confuse Love with emotions you sound like a little child who is incapable of describing how he or she feels because it is a new feeling for him or her.

3 - Love is not a deep Connection. When two people love each other, they might be on "separate pages." Their motivations, goals, and aspirations might be very different and the direction they are headed in life might be completely polar and yet they can still love each other. You don't often understand the people you love, in fact it is rare and difficult to really understand and empathize with those you love.

4 - Love is not Selflessness. Being charitable and giving of yourself doesn't mean you are in love--it means you are a giving person. Being selfless and sacrificing yourself for other people does not mean you love them--how many soldiers throughout history have died sacrificing themselves for a country they were disillusioned by? How many soldiers loved every person in their country--even the ones they hated? No, Love and selflessness are two different things.

5 - Love is not friendship. You can love people who you are not on speaking terms with. You can love people who do not care for you back. You may not consider yourself an equal to those who you love. What parent sees their young children as completely equal to them--and yet parents love their children.

Instead, Love produces Friendship, Love motivates Selflessness, Love establishes Connection, Love triggers all sorts of Feelings, and Lust is heightened by Love. Yet, you can be any of these things without love because they are different; that is all, and Love is no guarantee that you will have these five things.

When you love someone, you want them to succeed at life, you want them to be happy, you want them to make it, and even when you go your separate ways, you still care about their success and happiness and you still want them to make it.

Don't make Love complicated when it is such a simple thing--A permanent, helpful interest in another living organism.

PART2: Other Benefits that come from Love


The problem I see is that there are plenty of people "Searching for Love" when really they should be searching for something else (friendship, good feelings, selfless people, passion, or a connection); and there are people who are searching for something else when they should be searching for Love. THAT is why I wrote this article. 

"No Turning Back" is a mental game

This afternoon a friend of mine and I decided to go to a popular lake in Utah for cliff diving. We opted out of bringing our kayaks or tubes or any flotation devices and agreed to swim to the jumping rock across the lake.
I think I'm a good swimmer--I enjoy swimming and I practice swimming at every opportunity--but I've never swam across a deep lake like this before.

The water was cold--it's just barely June and I bet the water is around sixty degrees. There was a light breeze making only 1' swells, so not too bad. The distance to the other side was 500ft.

My friend was initially timid about getting in the water because of the temperature, so I slowly eased myself in and urged him to get in as well. Finally, I pushed off the shore and he jumped in after me--apparently he didn't want to get left behind. Seeing him in the water with me urged me forward and we cleared the first 200 feet in a very short time. I felt pumped up, I was really doing it!

Around the half-way mark I started to lose steam. We saw a rowboat and two kayaks go by and my friend called to them half-serious half-joking to see if they would lend us some help. Instead, the couple in the kayak said, "Nope," laughed and went skiffing on by. I tried to throw my emotions aside but somehow that got to me. Here I was, halfway in the middle of the lake, to go back would be just as hard as to go forward, so the decision was obvious to go forward. I saw my friend and could tell that he too was tired and that this was more challenging than we thought it would be, and the thought crossed my mind of: what if we don't make it?

As a toddler I took early swimming lessons and drowned--only time I've made it into a newspaper actually. It took me a long time and my parents' prodding to get me over that fear. That being said, if someone told me that there were still aspects of that that lingered in my sub-conscious, I'd believe them.

I continued, changed my swimming pattern to a more buoyant one so I could push forward, and a part of my mind switched from "what if we don't make it," to, "what if I don't make it?" Sadly, in a situation like that you have to be sensible and save yourself rather than lose both of you. I stopped watching my friend (I was in front of him doing back strokes) and focused on just making it to the other side.

Obviously, I made it to the other side since I'm here to tell the story. Upon turning around after thinking I had doubled my distance, I saw the rock and my energy renewed for me to make the rest of the distance. 500ft isn't even a half mile. People swim a full mile all the time. I could probably swim a full mile in a public pool though I've never tried--but should! When I made it to the shore I can remember not being tired--it wasn't the physical strain that worried me.

We took our shirts off, set them out to dry and went hiking around the rock to keep warm--again, I use this as evidence that I wasn't tired. Possibly out of breath, but that's because I need to work on my breathing, and as my MMA Sensei taught me: "You control your breathing, your breathing doesn't control you," so my gasping for air is irrelevant.

I would like to think I'm a hero, but I know I'm just an average joe that tries to do outstanding things and sometimes actually does them. When we got to the rock I was still scared--that's all any of this was, was fear--and so I didn't actually jump back in the water. In fact, we both resorted to seeking the help of a more friendly individual who ferried us across the lake--Thank you, Dan, and anyone else out there like you!

When we got back to our truck and were safe, I had had time to think about this whole ordeal. I've never had an experience like this before but I recall reading about John Muir's experiences that were similar to this. Muir would constantly get into situations where he was faced with life or death and he chose to carry on with life and then after reflecting about the experience he learned more about life in that moment--about himself, and about god (he believed in an omnipotent being)--than at any other time in his life.

The big thing that I learned from this experience is that fear is very powerful and real. I went from being pumped up to having thoughts in the back of my mind telling me to just give up and quit. Yes, I was pushing myself to do something I had never done before, but when I set out to do it the thought never crossed my mind that it would be that difficult. I didn't take into account that I would lose motivation right in the very center--at the longest point to either shore. I didn't take into consideration that if I really did need assistance no one was going to give it. I also didn't consider that seeing my friend's pace slow would affect my own pace.
This whole experience was more of a mental game than anything. I've never had such an overwhelming mental experience like this before that I can remember. I'm glad this experience has happened to me because I walk away knowing more about myself and about people in general, and next time I'm going to come prepared.

My friend and I have committed to make the swim again in the future--only with a few more safety precautions--though there is a more important commitment that I need to make. The next time I face a mental battle with fear or doubt or "I can't," I'm going to remember this day. I'm going to remember that no one was going to rescue me if I didn't make it. I'm going to remember that I had the physical abilities within me to make it through to the end--and I knew this going into the situation. Lastly, I'm going to remember that fear is very real and powerful enough to cripple anyone, and so the next time I see someone going at something like it's life or death or like it's their one true passion--I'm going to be more human and I'm going to cheer for them, root for them, and if they need me I'm going to help them, because humans are powerful beings--they just don't know it because they're crippled by fear. #embracehumanity



[sadly, my biggest regret of the day was not bringing my GoPro with me--it was in the truck the whole time!]

Marriage, Me

Over the weekend I assisted my immediate family (brother and sister and parents and their spouses) in renovations to a lake house my grandfather had built 30-40 years ago. During this trip, we stopped at my Grandfather's house in Blackfoot, ID to visit with him briefly. Both he and my Sister-in-law conversed with me about being a Mormon and getting married. I avoided the topic.

For those of you who know me, personally, you know that I've been engaged 3 times and I have in my possession a ring. You may even know that growing up I intended to marry and some of you may know I intended to have a Mormon temple marriage. Now, I have no intentions of such a marriage. 

Of my three engagements, all three young women abandoned me. The first didn't call off our engagement, but she ceased communication with me after I told her I thought we weren't ready and needed to take some more time before we officially married--I don't know what happened to her. The second left me because she thought I wasn't conducive to the lifestyle she wanted--I don't wish to talk about the matter of her because it was too twisted for me to make an official statement about right now. The third ended our engagement for reasons unknown--she told me that she didn't want to have to push me to go to the temple with her and I assume she expected to marry a perfect Mormon--Had she been my first fiancee rather than my third I think she would have been more than happy with me, but I'm no Mormon. I should hope that my readers believe I am better than that now. 

I have a terrible time confronting my family about this, mainly for three reasons: because I don't see it as any of their business whether I am a mormon or not--I don't think I should have to give them a reason for my decisions; I have already investigated their arguments and don't see them as valid; and because my official statement on the matter is too persuasive and not subject to interpretation--you may disagree with me. 

But now that I have spent the last few hours contemplating this and other things, I think I will address them--though, I'm not going to address them, (I'm going to address the world and whether my immediate family reads this or not, oh well), I'm going to address the comments (the weak arguments). Perhaps this will give me the courage to confront them (the people) in person, however I would rather the people around me maintain their innocence until they venture into the right questions--if they want to know, I'd be happy to help them explore, but if not, I'm not too concerned. 

Marriage and Me. 

To me, marriage is a commitment to share a lifestyle with another individual and to preserve established power. Nothing more.

I find people's claims to be silly who say that they married out of love--if you loved each other then you wouldn't need to prove it to them--or to society, for that matter. I interpret such people as insecure in their love--they fear that their beloved will leave them so they insist on marrying them to make sure that leaving would be difficult for them. --I'll have none of that. I have found that the best relationships exist without any pressure to hold them together. Without pressure holding them together both parties are willingly in it together. 

And for those who say that marriage is for children. Fie on them. They think they marry so that they have someone to share the responsibility with, but anymore, society will force you to share the burden of raising your children. Legally, whether you are married or not you will have to pay child support. Socially, if you are known as a deadbeat mom or deadbeat dad you get stifled and stigmatized. On the other hand, it doesn't take a marriage for you to be a good parent. Statistics on the subject are vague--don't believe what scientists are claiming until you check out their experiments because the statistics I have seen aren't testing the right hypothesis' in their research. Children benefit when the parents aren't always in conflict, they benefit when they are informed and have good relationships with both parents. To say that you should only have kids with your spouse doesn't address the real issue: rather, you should only have kids with a mature adult who will respect you even when they disagree with you and who has the courage and enough life responsibility to want to form a relationship with their children--whether they are married to you or not. 

Do I need to bring up marrying into wealth? It's irresponsible to think you can marry for a golden ticket in life. Everyone these days seems to know this so I'm not going to address it. Can you see why I wouldn't want to marry just anyone--me with my familial connections to wealth, my own acquired wealth, and my continual income. I see no reason to marry into wealth myself and no reason to give up my wealth either at this point in my life.

Legally, marriage is the union of two people to combine everything they own. It is how we combine property without having to gift it or pay some kind of taxes on it. If you want to talk about the supreme method for getting around death taxes let me fill you in on a little secret: Have your elderly grandparent marry an individual on his or her deathbed. After they die, have that individual then marry you (in some states gay marriage IS legal, so this works for any scenario now). Viola!~ You obtain possession of everything your grandparent owned and you didn't have to pay taxes on it. If you didn't want to stay married to that individual, you could have them write a prenup deeding you everything at a divorce, then divorce them after paying them off at a rate of anything less than 50% (because death tax is at or greater than 50%). Stupid. Society is Stupid. 

Back to what I see marriage as: 1) sharing a lifestyle 2) preserving power (ie. wealth, social status, family secrets, etc.) I think the above paragraph addresses part 2. 

Marriage is sharing a lifestyle. Since society is so confining on what they expect out of a married couple and what benefits they will provide them (how about taxes?), I simply have to conclude that marriage is about sharing a lifestyle. You get married to obtain or preserve a certain lifestyle. The person you marry should share common traditions and values (a jewish family typically marries a jewish family and preserves traditions, mormons marry mormons and preserve mormon traditions and values), wealth (upper class individuals marry others from the upper class, lower class people marry the lower class, etc), people even marry other people who share common interests (drag racing families marry other drag racing families, cowboys marry cowgirls and boys, hunters marry gun toting or at least supportive individuals, etc). 

So it comes down to this: 

Where the hell am I going to find someone else who wants to share my lifestyle? Where the hell am I going to find someone who I can trust to preserve my own heritage of power? 

My power comes from the present--what I earn through communicating with friends and family, and at this time, I can't pass that on. I'm also not independently wealthy--I can support myself and I'm saving up for the future, but not enough to really interest anyone on account of my wealth. At the rate I am going, I can expect to live a happy life and then die, leaving no buried treasure chests. 

And my lifestyle?

My lifestyle is a life of work and thought. My vacations are work--I go camping, I go outdoors and expend all my energy, I get exhausted. I enjoy working on a garden, working on a cabin in the mountains. It would seem I work a day job just so I have the money and freedom of working a part-time business that I enjoy. I work to build a fire, pitch a tent, haul my ass off, do things the hard way, and hit the pillow on the weekends sore and exhausted. --I love this kind of life. I cram into the back of a stuffed car, I get into situations with family and friends where I pile on responsibility to perform, and when I help my friends and family it could be said that I am put out. --You could say my whole life I'm put out; but no. I don't say that. I enjoy when people need my help digging a trench, need me to tend their animals, need me to waste my time listening to their sob stories. 

I enjoy simple things--we're talking really simple things--we're talking that 15 min break I took after laying flooring and baseboard and then sneaking off to take a nap on the porch away from everyone else who was still working and I was lounging in the sun. I would say I earned that break, though most people take vacations so they can spend an extra 40 hours on break. To lounge around for 40 hours and not have responsibilities and not work. Fuck 'em. 

When you cut society down into four criteria: female, self-confident and comfortable and attractive (I lump this together because people who are self-confident make themselves attractive), loves to work and waste time and expend energy and not relax for too long and live like a cave woman and work some more and get yelled at and be fine with everything and be under stress and work, and then you throw on: will marry for free--you get a very small number of people.How many people want this? How many people would want to marry me solely because they wanted to share the exciting life I live? To most people my life doesn't sound exciting. --interesting? perhaps. But exciting? Now, perhaps you know someone who meets 3 of these categories, now ask them if they'd put up with it knowing the only thing they stood to gain from it was what they gained from my relationship with them. None so far. 

I mentioned in the beginning 3 reasons, one for each person, why I'm not married right now. I suppose you could sum it up like this: the first, when I told her that we were too young and needed to work at our relationship more before getting married--she ran at the sight of this lifestyle! The second, clearly, didn't want this lifestyle, it was too much work for her and she wanted a life with more leisure. The third? She didn't want to work either--because in her mind she thought getting me to be a Mormon would take a lot of work.

--I'm sure this comes across as over simplification, but if I told you the real background of these individuals you would be persuaded that it really does come down to lifestyle differences.

When I have spare time that I'm not working for a living, I spend it working for pleasure. I get pleasure and satisfaction from working on projects that I want to work on. When I'm not working for pleasure, I'm doing things that require high energy, strength, endurance, and a little bit of fearlessness. 

When my relatives or my acquaintances ask my why I'm not married yet, or when I am going to get married, it puts me in an awkward situation, just like if someone asked me, "why aren't you a millionaire yet?" or "When are you going to vacation in Europe?"--I don't have any present plans to vacation in Europe, nor do I care to become a millionaire, nor do I plan on getting married at this time. I know no one other than myself who enjoys the lifestyle I live--that's why I live it and no one else does...

Weird. 

Quality: A Definition

I kind of did this already and didn't think much of it when I did it, but I have been reading The Zen Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig and he devotes a few chapters to exploring this topic.--I'm not quite finished with the book, so his argument may persuade me to change my opinion however, let me refer back to the article I wrote just over a year ago: The Quantity of Life



Pirsig poses the question: What is the definition of Quality? How would you define quality?

Pirsig's argument is that there really isn't a way to define quality because the act of defining something is a technical ("classic") approach and the term quality is "romantic" by nature. I was tripped up by this at first: it really is difficult to define quality. --It's easy to make a comparison (this is better than this because of this) but to define quality without already having something in front of you to compare it to is incredibly difficult.

However, in my previous article (which I now remember and am MIFFED! that no one wanted to let me publish it in my college's tabloid), I haphazardly explained quality by opposing it to quantity. In other words, I essentially said what Pirsig said: there is a technical/classical approach where you break things down into component parts and their functions and how they compare to one another, and there is a romanticized approach where you give something an indeterminate value merely by stating it as such. I was speaking of verbs not nouns but now I will attempt to adjust my definitions:

Here is what I wrote: "'To quantify' and idea means to turn that idea into a measurable number value, whereas 'to qualify' an idea means to turn that idea into something competent and authoritative."

To turn them into nouns I would say (starting with the easy one) Quantity is a measurable amount of something that establishes its value. Quality is an immeasurable aspect of something that establishes its value.

Let me make this simple to understand: Quality is established by our own individual tastes and preferences--we establish rules and codes that we understand and we may not have a valid argument to back up our claims regarding it, but by being the first, or by already being predisposed to something--shall we say developing an acquired taste for it--we are thereby able to put it on a pedestal and compare other like-things to it.
Beauty is a field of quality and..."beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

There are parts of the universe that are inherently chaotic, and I think quality is our human approach to understanding that chaos. Eventually, you have to settle on one thing and be happy with that one thing and forevermore declare that it is of the highest quality, because otherwise you'll go mad trying to make sense of it (as Pirsig points out in his book).

I think this is a good topic to explore further, but this is all I want to write about for now.

Future notes for myself:
Quality as it applies to being happy with life the way it is
Aspects of the Universe that are inherently chaotic
"Predisposition" is not born, it's trained


---Ugh...I'm only writing this because I started writing a book and have that bizarre urge to do anything and everything except write.

Life coaching, old and new

I'm not sure where to classify this: is it When 1 Falls worthy, or Compliments 2 Living, or is it 3 Blind Barren? --It's not about the positive side of life and it's not necessarily about something secret, so I resorted to this blog because it MIGHT relate to human science.


I re-read some of my older life coaching articles on my datingzion blog, and I remember now why I wanted to redo my  life coaching site...The blog was geared towards mormons and finding an "eternal companion" and sometimes I would echo what mormon church leaders would say in the matter (which is surprisingly very little) and sometimes I would just feed people what they wanted to hear.
Unfortunately, I have enough moral capacity to say that it was wrong what I did. I tried to stick to things that didn't mess people up, like "you've got to have a list of things you want in an 'eternal companion'" and "don't settle until you find that"--there isn't anything wrong with that philosophy, per say, it's just not always realistic. Suffice it to say, one reason for my remake of my lifecoaching, RDC coaching, is to clarify things.

Also, because I was focusing on the LDS crowd, I think I neglected the larger world--and not only that, I realize that I wasn't the greatest at addressing the LDS crowd and as such I offended a few people. Here is how: When I would write something like "...The problem with this is that it can lead you into thinking that you NEED to build excitement in your relationship or else you won’t be happy with one another.--But you don't NEED excitement in a relationship as long as you care for one another" --I would get responses from people saying things like: "ya, but the prophet said you should have an exciting weekend together once a week and have consecrated friday nights for that purpose" and they would rail on me for suggesting such a thing contrary to their prophet. So not only did I neglect the larger world, but I offended some of my primary audience as well.

Oddly, the big market for my material ended up overseas.  People from Britain and India read and emailed me questions or comments--which I found odd, but didn't care. I'm not sure how to address that tidbit really other than that it is what it is.

Lastly, under my previous life coaching attempt I was interested in money. I had a service to provide to people, I needed/wanted more money, I was willing to trade my services for money. Plain and simple business. I care much less about money these days--now that I'm financially secure; so when approaching my new blog, I thought: "Dammit all, why not give out everything for free?" --I purposefully withheld things thinking I would only use them in personal coaching sessions, and it caused me to tiptoe around important issues.

This is what happened: 1) I told people things to gratify their own minds because they couldn't handle the truth about relationships. 2) I offended people trying to appease them and 'bowling in the same league as their religion' 3) I cared about money and...that just turned people off. 4) I purposely withheld things in an attempt to "safeguard my business" (you understand...it's business).

Now, I don't even care.

But what I do care about is improving and educating the world (--something to do with: when you get financially secure and everything lines up in your life, then the next drive you have is to do things bigger than yourself and make an impact on the world--well, I'm there now).
I think it is more important to me to teach people how to have good relationships because I think that that will improve the world faster, more efficiently, and  better than anything else I could do. There's no product I could make (I sell solar kits for similar reasons and if I could find a way to give them away for free I would) that would improve the world and inspire people the way that educating people about how to have good relationships can.

The problem I have seen, in the world, is that people really don't know how to have good relationships and there is no formal education process for teaching it. You either get it, your parents teach you by example and you learn things as you make mistakes, or...you don't and those who don't never really do learn because of the nature of human beings: if the time and complexity of a problem/task is too great for the individual, they don't see what they need to learn to prevent that problem and therefore don't change.
Humans are like dogs in this regard: dogs have a hard time learning things like potty training or not to chew up the house when you are gone, because the time and complexity of their actions are too great to make the correlation. Typically when you come home and find that they've chewed on the couch or ripped stuffing all over, they did that act 3 hrs ago and when you come home they're excited to see you and you punish them for ripping the stuffing out--their minds aren't as complex as a human mind so they only see: master came home and punished me for something--he must have had a bad day because I luvs him and want to give him kisses right now but if he doesn't want them...ok looks like I'm going into my crate I guess I'll just have some alone time and calm down and then he'll let me out and I can love him again :). 
When you have a problem with your relationships, the time and complexity is such a high level that you see the evidence: stuffing all over, master at the door, and your action at the time, and you make the wrong inference and so you never really change. --this is what I'm talking about right now on my RDC coaching site in podcasts about "Relationship Cycles"

People don't change because they aren't smart enough or that connection between what they are doing-- and what the problem is, is too complex. You can't blame them for that but they just don't naturally see it. So I've made it my mission--my part-time life coaching mission--to educate people so that they are more aware of the problems facing them, so that they are more conscientious of these issues and more capable of seeing them when they happen (I don't put much trust in this mind you, which is why I'm willing to do life coaching sessions, but I don't see that as a reason not to give people a chance to understand).

My life is pretty great, says I. I'm not perfect, but I'm smarter than the average bear (and might I add that I look better than the average bear too :D ) and I've put a lot of thought into what I think matters and came to the conclusion that relationships do--they matter most. And if you want to have a good life you'll have high quantity and high quality relationships. So focus on having those, no?

Ghost of Facebook's Past

I thought I'd get on facebook again and see what I'm missing out--I don't really know what I use it for anymore but I have an account and I have my RDC coaching articles set to autopost on that account.

Sadly, I only have a handful of friends on there.

I deleted my account because I was sick of the influence it was having on people's lives (mine especially). I was sick of people posting fake-ass comments like "Oh, I am so happy and blessed to have the family I do!" and "Just won $1k in Wendover! Woot!" It seemed superfluous. I was sick of the mean and rude comments as well--the whole internet has turned to shit by allowing people to cower behind a computer screen and scream out insults and badmouth anyone who does anything to stand out. Childish.

I suppose at the time, when I deleted my facebook, I was expecting to one day do great things and that I didn't want to be held down by the people of my past and that I could make new friends as easily as keep the old ones. And... that has been true. I've done an equal job of making friends as I have of keeping them. --ok, that might be a stretch, because I know how to make new friends and slip up really close to people, get inside of their inner sphere and be included in their inner circle. But I can't seem to stay there very long.

So.
I suppose I write this "article" reflecting on a lot of regret.
I haven't done anything "spectacular" as I thought I would when I abandoned all--except that I have learned how to be completely at peace with this world and how to set goals and all the skills needed to reach those goals.--Yet, somewhere along the line I lost motivation. I lost ambitions for all of the dreams I originally had, and now it seems my only dreams are to live in peace and continue on with life the way it is.

But the regret I'm feeling today is that I have gained and lost so many people. I have forgotten people's names. I have forgotten all of the wrongs people did to me and the rights they did too.--As the song says"all this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?"--well, I let it dry. I've changed and I'm the only one who knows I've changed--and frankly, I know I'm the only one who cares as well.

I don't know if this is just a part of growing up, but I definitely have been working towards a few key ideas about life, and one of them is this simple truth:

Life is all about the relationships you have with people; and relationships are worth more than anything else in this world.

Knowledge and intelligence is useless in my opinion.
Physical prowess and good looks--also useless.
Money--most useless.
Skill and creativity--pointless.
But when you know how to make friends and keep friends and feel connected to people, it surpasses the human condition.

I would trade everything I know, I would trade anything I'm good at and all of my money to have 10 completely solid relationships in life. Just 10 people. I'd cut a deal with the devil or with god to spend the rest of my life with 10 individuals who I'm close with, talk to regularly, and hang with at least once a month.




I decided I'd set up my facebook page again and hope I can get in touch with all of those old friends I haven't seen in a while.

Thank you for nothing. Time to Adapt.

I'm a fan of flying by the seat of your pants--if you know what you're doing--but Americans have really messed up the last couple of generations. First and foremost, people are taught that monogamous, heterosexual, marriage is the only respectable relationship option in society. Second, we've distorted reality to the point that people think that all of their fantasy dreams are going to happen. Third, we tell people what to think and do, more than we let people think for themselves because we're afraid of what would happen if people thought for themselves.
The debate is out, and society is changing to be more accepting of the LGBT community, but I don't think we should end there (when it does get there). There is no word in the English language that is an antenym for Monogomy:

Antonyms for monogamy

• badness
• corruption

• disgrace
• dishonesty

• dishonor
• evil

• immorality
• wildness

• dirtiness
• fornication

Why is that? And why are there still laws in society against anything other than monogamy (most are not enforced...until a divorce begins)?
Statistically, more Single Mothers are in the bottom tier of society as far as the economy is concerned, and maybe even if you compared on some scale of stress you might find them on the bottom tier as well. But why? Single dad's aren't found down there?
I hope that question worked to lead you into what I'm going to say next: If your initial answer that question was "well, because single fathers don't have to take care of the kids"--Okay...why? Why don't more single dad's have primary responsibility to take care of the kids?--If you follow cultural trends, you'll realize that this is rapidly changing: more single dads ARE taking care of kids as primary caregiver. Are these single dads found in the bottom tier? --not as far as any statisticians are concerned.
Why do our tax systems support marriage? It is more costly to live alone than to have two working adults living together. And even if one of them isn't working, that person still boosts the household gross production by taking care of the home. There is only so much one person can do alone, but together we are powerful. Why does the U.S. give tax breaks to married couples? Does having a polygamous relationship make you more disobedient to the laws (aside from the anti-polygamy laws)? What about a poly-amorous relationship? Do these relationships make you less of a contributor to society?
We raise our kids to believe that if they don't want to, or don't ever, marry there is something wrong with them. That somehow everyone is expected to pair off, have kids, and then give their wealth to their kids.

Another thing we do is teach kids that they can do whatever they want with their life and be whatever they want to be. --That's cool, don't get me wrong, it's good to dream, but it's also good to be realistic and teach kids to be realistic. Years ago, the whole world operated on the order of apprenticeships, then we realized that the world was a lot bigger than we thought and so we started believing in the dream that you could be whatever you wanted to be. We started training people to be generic so that they could fit into many different positions--but we didn't change our beliefs. Our training is geared to teaching kids to be skilled in many ways and not necessarily specialized. Specialization comes when you're older...which...is probably closer to 45-65 than 35-45 as it was a few generations ago. And with the life expectancy rising...that may mean that that age will only continue to rise as people work more and more years.
The point is, mankind is maxing out on some of its resources. --That's not to say that they can't be replenished, or that we aren't sitting out proverbial oil fields in our backyards--it means that we can't sustain our rate of consumption until further breakthroughs are made. What is the job market like right now? What are the prices of oil doing? Where are the polar ice caps? --These are signs that we're starting to breach that point--or perhaps we've already breached it?
We have too many people living in too tight of spaces. We have run out of land to give away for free, which, up until the end of American Imperialism, Land was the real source of power for America--it attracted people which were the driving force of the world. Now, immigration is centered more around where the wealth is than it is about where the land is--and where does their money go? Back to their home countries to where they have an investment in land. But this isn't sustainable! --We have people living 10 people in a 2 bedroom home because they can't afford or don't want to pay for living expenses in their work country.--not legally anyway.
When you have kids, you need to be responsible for creating space for them in this world. Your kids are going to make an impact on the world after you're gone--every one that you bring into the world someone else has to exit the world. One day you will die and the person you mate with will too, but how many more people can you count on to die to leave room for your additional kids?

Lastly, Why do we tell people what to do, what do think? Why don't we teach people to ask questions and think for themselves? Our public education teaches people what is universally true, rather than how to think for themselves. Several important fields have been removed from our schools, such as mandatory courses on Rhetoric and Philosophy and instead we teach people how to optionally "debate." We keep telling people that one day some genius is going to come along and invent something new to save us all, but doesn't it seem that only an outlier, a maverick, could be that genius? Those people are rare. No one teaches you the skills to think outside of the box and we're slowly losing those individuals.
Our schools, our religions, our cultures--they create sheep, they breed followers. And sheep can't protect themselves from wolves, from mavericks. We are setting kids up to submit to ANYONE who can come along and solve our problems rather than setting our kids up to solve problems for themselves. We don't need sheep, we need men and women. Real men and women. Who are open to whatever life throws at them, who are confident and comfortable to stand up and voice their opinion and recognize that it is only an opinion and subject to change the moment something better comes along.

So thank you.

Thank you for nothing.

Because we have nothing left to lose.

Those of us who want to change and improve.
We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
So to those who believe in the powers that be,
We who are different will surpass you some day,
and you'll lose everything,
because you've gambled everything on your fantasy life:
one where you believe only certain ways of life are respectable
where you preach the ideal and never mention the realistic
Where you keep repeating the same old patterns and never adapt to the new world.

This is survival of the fittest