I'm not sure where to classify this: is it When 1 Falls worthy, or Compliments 2 Living, or is it 3 Blind Barren? --It's not about the positive side of life and it's not necessarily about something secret, so I resorted to this blog because it MIGHT relate to human science.
I re-read some of my older life coaching articles on my datingzion blog, and I remember now why I wanted to redo my life coaching site...The blog was geared towards mormons and finding an "eternal companion" and sometimes I would echo what mormon church leaders would say in the matter (which is surprisingly very little) and sometimes I would just feed people what they wanted to hear.
Unfortunately, I have enough moral capacity to say that it was wrong what I did. I tried to stick to things that didn't mess people up, like "you've got to have a list of things you want in an 'eternal companion'" and "don't settle until you find that"--there isn't anything wrong with that philosophy, per say, it's just not always realistic. Suffice it to say, one reason for my remake of my lifecoaching, RDC coaching, is to clarify things.
Also, because I was focusing on the LDS crowd, I think I neglected the larger world--and not only that, I realize that I wasn't the greatest at addressing the LDS crowd and as such I offended a few people. Here is how: When I would write something like "...The problem with this is that it can lead you into thinking that you NEED to build excitement in your relationship or else you won’t be happy with one another.--But you don't NEED excitement in a relationship as long as you care for one another" --I would get responses from people saying things like: "ya, but the prophet said you should have an exciting weekend together once a week and have consecrated friday nights for that purpose" and they would rail on me for suggesting such a thing contrary to their prophet. So not only did I neglect the larger world, but I offended some of my primary audience as well.
Oddly, the big market for my material ended up overseas. People from Britain and India read and emailed me questions or comments--which I found odd, but didn't care. I'm not sure how to address that tidbit really other than that it is what it is.
Lastly, under my previous life coaching attempt I was interested in money. I had a service to provide to people, I needed/wanted more money, I was willing to trade my services for money. Plain and simple business. I care much less about money these days--now that I'm financially secure; so when approaching my new blog, I thought: "Dammit all, why not give out everything for free?" --I purposefully withheld things thinking I would only use them in personal coaching sessions, and it caused me to tiptoe around important issues.
This is what happened: 1) I told people things to gratify their own minds because they couldn't handle the truth about relationships. 2) I offended people trying to appease them and 'bowling in the same league as their religion' 3) I cared about money and...that just turned people off. 4) I purposely withheld things in an attempt to "safeguard my business" (you understand...it's business).
Now, I don't even care.
But what I do care about is improving and educating the world (--something to do with: when you get financially secure and everything lines up in your life, then the next drive you have is to do things bigger than yourself and make an impact on the world--well, I'm there now).
I think it is more important to me to teach people how to have good relationships because I think that that will improve the world faster, more efficiently, and better than anything else I could do. There's no product I could make (I sell solar kits for similar reasons and if I could find a way to give them away for free I would) that would improve the world and inspire people the way that educating people about how to have good relationships can.
The problem I have seen, in the world, is that people really don't know how to have good relationships and there is no formal education process for teaching it. You either get it, your parents teach you by example and you learn things as you make mistakes, or...you don't and those who don't never really do learn because of the nature of human beings: if the time and complexity of a problem/task is too great for the individual, they don't see what they need to learn to prevent that problem and therefore don't change.
Humans are like dogs in this regard: dogs have a hard time learning things like potty training or not to chew up the house when you are gone, because the time and complexity of their actions are too great to make the correlation. Typically when you come home and find that they've chewed on the couch or ripped stuffing all over, they did that act 3 hrs ago and when you come home they're excited to see you and you punish them for ripping the stuffing out--their minds aren't as complex as a human mind so they only see: master came home and punished me for something--he must have had a bad day because I luvs him and want to give him kisses right now but if he doesn't want them...ok looks like I'm going into my crate I guess I'll just have some alone time and calm down and then he'll let me out and I can love him again :).
When you have a problem with your relationships, the time and complexity is such a high level that you see the evidence: stuffing all over, master at the door, and your action at the time, and you make the wrong inference and so you never really change. --this is what I'm talking about right now on my RDC coaching site in podcasts about "Relationship Cycles"
People don't change because they aren't smart enough or that connection between what they are doing-- and what the problem is, is too complex. You can't blame them for that but they just don't naturally see it. So I've made it my mission--my part-time life coaching mission--to educate people so that they are more aware of the problems facing them, so that they are more conscientious of these issues and more capable of seeing them when they happen (I don't put much trust in this mind you, which is why I'm willing to do life coaching sessions, but I don't see that as a reason not to give people a chance to understand).
My life is pretty great, says I. I'm not perfect, but I'm smarter than the average bear (and might I add that I look better than the average bear too :D ) and I've put a lot of thought into what I think matters and came to the conclusion that relationships do--they matter most. And if you want to have a good life you'll have high quantity and high quality relationships. So focus on having those, no?
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Ghost of Facebook's Past
I thought I'd get on facebook again and see what I'm missing out--I don't really know what I use it for anymore but I have an account and I have my RDC coaching articles set to autopost on that account.
Sadly, I only have a handful of friends on there.
I deleted my account because I was sick of the influence it was having on people's lives (mine especially). I was sick of people posting fake-ass comments like "Oh, I am so happy and blessed to have the family I do!" and "Just won $1k in Wendover! Woot!" It seemed superfluous. I was sick of the mean and rude comments as well--the whole internet has turned to shit by allowing people to cower behind a computer screen and scream out insults and badmouth anyone who does anything to stand out. Childish.
I suppose at the time, when I deleted my facebook, I was expecting to one day do great things and that I didn't want to be held down by the people of my past and that I could make new friends as easily as keep the old ones. And... that has been true. I've done an equal job of making friends as I have of keeping them. --ok, that might be a stretch, because I know how to make new friends and slip up really close to people, get inside of their inner sphere and be included in their inner circle. But I can't seem to stay there very long.
So.
I suppose I write this "article" reflecting on a lot of regret.
I haven't done anything "spectacular" as I thought I would when I abandoned all--except that I have learned how to be completely at peace with this world and how to set goals and all the skills needed to reach those goals.--Yet, somewhere along the line I lost motivation. I lost ambitions for all of the dreams I originally had, and now it seems my only dreams are to live in peace and continue on with life the way it is.
But the regret I'm feeling today is that I have gained and lost so many people. I have forgotten people's names. I have forgotten all of the wrongs people did to me and the rights they did too.--As the song says"all this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?"--well, I let it dry. I've changed and I'm the only one who knows I've changed--and frankly, I know I'm the only one who cares as well.
I don't know if this is just a part of growing up, but I definitely have been working towards a few key ideas about life, and one of them is this simple truth:
Life is all about the relationships you have with people; and relationships are worth more than anything else in this world.
Knowledge and intelligence is useless in my opinion.
Physical prowess and good looks--also useless.
Money--most useless.
Skill and creativity--pointless.
But when you know how to make friends and keep friends and feel connected to people, it surpasses the human condition.
I would trade everything I know, I would trade anything I'm good at and all of my money to have 10 completely solid relationships in life. Just 10 people. I'd cut a deal with the devil or with god to spend the rest of my life with 10 individuals who I'm close with, talk to regularly, and hang with at least once a month.
I decided I'd set up my facebook page again and hope I can get in touch with all of those old friends I haven't seen in a while.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Thank you for nothing. Time to Adapt.
I'm a fan of flying by the seat of your pants--if you know what you're doing--but Americans have really messed up the last couple of generations. First and foremost, people are taught that monogamous, heterosexual, marriage is the only respectable relationship option in society. Second, we've distorted reality to the point that people think that all of their fantasy dreams are going to happen. Third, we tell people what to think and do, more than we let people think for themselves because we're afraid of what would happen if people thought for themselves.
The debate is out, and society is changing to be more accepting of the LGBT community, but I don't think we should end there (when it does get there). There is no word in the English language that is an antenym for Monogomy:
Antonyms for monogamy
Why is that? And why are there still laws in society against anything other than monogamy (most are not enforced...until a divorce begins)?
Statistically, more Single Mothers are in the bottom tier of society as far as the economy is concerned, and maybe even if you compared on some scale of stress you might find them on the bottom tier as well. But why? Single dad's aren't found down there?
I hope that question worked to lead you into what I'm going to say next: If your initial answer that question was "well, because single fathers don't have to take care of the kids"--Okay...why? Why don't more single dad's have primary responsibility to take care of the kids?--If you follow cultural trends, you'll realize that this is rapidly changing: more single dads ARE taking care of kids as primary caregiver. Are these single dads found in the bottom tier? --not as far as any statisticians are concerned.
Why do our tax systems support marriage? It is more costly to live alone than to have two working adults living together. And even if one of them isn't working, that person still boosts the household gross production by taking care of the home. There is only so much one person can do alone, but together we are powerful. Why does the U.S. give tax breaks to married couples? Does having a polygamous relationship make you more disobedient to the laws (aside from the anti-polygamy laws)? What about a poly-amorous relationship? Do these relationships make you less of a contributor to society?
We raise our kids to believe that if they don't want to, or don't ever, marry there is something wrong with them. That somehow everyone is expected to pair off, have kids, and then give their wealth to their kids.
Another thing we do is teach kids that they can do whatever they want with their life and be whatever they want to be. --That's cool, don't get me wrong, it's good to dream, but it's also good to be realistic and teach kids to be realistic. Years ago, the whole world operated on the order of apprenticeships, then we realized that the world was a lot bigger than we thought and so we started believing in the dream that you could be whatever you wanted to be. We started training people to be generic so that they could fit into many different positions--but we didn't change our beliefs. Our training is geared to teaching kids to be skilled in many ways and not necessarily specialized. Specialization comes when you're older...which...is probably closer to 45-65 than 35-45 as it was a few generations ago. And with the life expectancy rising...that may mean that that age will only continue to rise as people work more and more years.
The point is, mankind is maxing out on some of its resources. --That's not to say that they can't be replenished, or that we aren't sitting out proverbial oil fields in our backyards--it means that we can't sustain our rate of consumption until further breakthroughs are made. What is the job market like right now? What are the prices of oil doing? Where are the polar ice caps? --These are signs that we're starting to breach that point--or perhaps we've already breached it?
We have too many people living in too tight of spaces. We have run out of land to give away for free, which, up until the end of American Imperialism, Land was the real source of power for America--it attracted people which were the driving force of the world. Now, immigration is centered more around where the wealth is than it is about where the land is--and where does their money go? Back to their home countries to where they have an investment in land. But this isn't sustainable! --We have people living 10 people in a 2 bedroom home because they can't afford or don't want to pay for living expenses in their work country.--not legally anyway.
When you have kids, you need to be responsible for creating space for them in this world. Your kids are going to make an impact on the world after you're gone--every one that you bring into the world someone else has to exit the world. One day you will die and the person you mate with will too, but how many more people can you count on to die to leave room for your additional kids?
Lastly, Why do we tell people what to do, what do think? Why don't we teach people to ask questions and think for themselves? Our public education teaches people what is universally true, rather than how to think for themselves. Several important fields have been removed from our schools, such as mandatory courses on Rhetoric and Philosophy and instead we teach people how to optionally "debate." We keep telling people that one day some genius is going to come along and invent something new to save us all, but doesn't it seem that only an outlier, a maverick, could be that genius? Those people are rare. No one teaches you the skills to think outside of the box and we're slowly losing those individuals.
Our schools, our religions, our cultures--they create sheep, they breed followers. And sheep can't protect themselves from wolves, from mavericks. We are setting kids up to submit to ANYONE who can come along and solve our problems rather than setting our kids up to solve problems for themselves. We don't need sheep, we need men and women. Real men and women. Who are open to whatever life throws at them, who are confident and comfortable to stand up and voice their opinion and recognize that it is only an opinion and subject to change the moment something better comes along.
So thank you.
Thank you for nothing.
Because we have nothing left to lose.
Those of us who want to change and improve.
We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
So to those who believe in the powers that be,
We who are different will surpass you some day,
and you'll lose everything,
because you've gambled everything on your fantasy life:
one where you believe only certain ways of life are respectable
where you preach the ideal and never mention the realistic
Where you keep repeating the same old patterns and never adapt to the new world.
This is survival of the fittest
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