Kyle: I'm kind of fed up with how people can't be upfront and real with me.
Courtney: What do you mean?
K: I dunno, I think I just have too many people in my life that expect a lot out of me without really doing anything for me in return
C: ...I didn't want to tell you this, but I've noticed that you're too helpful--
K: --My other friend M said that.
C: Ya, and don't you think M takes advantage of you?
K: No...not really.
C: He does.
K: How?
C: It just seems that everything you do with him is his idea--like he needs someone to do things with and because you're available he calls on you because you're down for anything.
K: ... Fine, you got me there. So what should I do then?
C: Well does that bother you--that he uses you because you're available?
K: Not usually...because I am "available."
C: Then don't do anything--nothing wrong.
K: Ok--I see that you just change the subject to make me quit complaining.
C: Excuse me?
K: I said I was fed up with people not being upfront or real and somehow we started talking about being taken advantage of unknowingly.
C: haha, You started into this. I was just pointing out an observation.
K: Ok, but what do you have to say about what I said?
C: About?
K: That people aren't upfront?
C: I think you're right, but there's nothing that can be done about it.
K: But WHY? --Why can't people be upfront? --I do! I'm not afraid to tell people things about myself or whether I want to go along with them or not.
C: Do you?
K: I think so?
C: What about that time I invited you to go to Zeppes and you went along but you really didn't want to and you acted like a butt the whole time. Then when we left you told me that you just didn't feel comfortable.
K: ... Eh... OK... So I do it too.--but that's not really what I was referring to. --I'm sorry.
C: It's fine. We're friends.
K: --See THAT is what I'm talking about.
C: What?
K: That even though I was being an asshole you were still my friend.
C: Haha, that's because you manipulated me.
K: How do you mean?
C: You're always manipulating me. Everything you say you try to get me closer to you.
K: You don't like it?
C: No, I like it, haha, but I'm just saying that you have a way to making people get close to you. We have pretty deep conversations sometimes and I tell you a lot of my secrets because I trust you--and it's like I can totally tell that you listen to me and understand me.
K: Thanks.
C: I'm serious...not many people are like you--when I told you that you're "too helpful," that's what I meant--so I wasn't really leading you off-topic. You are just a benefit to everyone because you know how to have a real conversation with people and make them feel valued.
K: Then why do people leave me...so suddenly.
C: I really can't explain that--I think people just panic sometimes.
K: But why? What am I doing to make people panic?
C: It's kinda hard being around you Kyle.
K: Why?
C: Because you've got your life figured out. You "have your shit together," as they say.--I'm really impressed by you.--And worst of all, you're real. Other people your age are so concerned with being seen as "cool" or that they're the hottest thing next to white bread--but they really aren't.
K: Ok, I see where you're going...
C: Ya, it's nerve racking really because you're so hot all the time and you're nice and you're available and you're stable, and what am I? <conversation removed to protect identity>
K: Well fuck my life! What am I supposed to do about this? Be like everyone else? Be like everyone I don't want to be like? Be anything other than myself?--I'm just being myself!
C: Just keep being you, please. Knowing you, I know I like real people better than fake ones.
K: ..Sorry, I'm just really frustrated right now.
C: I can tell.
K: I think sometimes I live a life of fantasy--sometimes I think people are like me and it makes me upset when they aren't the way I think they should be.
C: You can't be too critical of people.
K: I know.--I just see the way people can be because I'm that way and it's not hard for me and I think the world would be better if people were that way.
C: We all dream, hon. Dreaming isn't bad, in fact, I think it's good most of the time--all the time, really. The bad part is when you start to apply your dreams to reality and people don't want that.
K: People don't want my dreams.
C: Ok...Cynical.
K: --No, really what were you referring to?
C: ...Well, you put me in a difficult position.
K: How so?
C: If I tell you that you should keep your dreams to yourself, then I have to be the girl that trashes people's dreams; but if I say never give up your dreams, then I give you liberty to force your dreams on people who don't want them.
K: Don't answer that. We'll have to think about it first.
C: --I don't want to think about it. Part of me wants to say to never give up on your dreams and to let yourself be taken away by the little fantasies that you make up in your head, because it makes life exciting, but I don't know that you can always live in a fantasy.
K: What does the other part of you want to say?
C: It wants to say that you shouldn't crush people's dreams because it can ruin good people.
K: I agree with that. Maybe that's why I'm so ruined.
C: Oh stop, you're not ruined. Look at your life.
K: Ya. I've got everything. Woop -D-doo!--I don't have what I want
C: That's because you want what you can't have.
K: Why can't I have it?
C: Because you think too much.
K: What do you propose I do instead?
C: Don't think. Just feel.
K: I do that too.
C: oK, you feel too much too!--My head hurts. You make life an enigma because you think too much and need to feel more and then you feel too much and need to think more. I don't know what to say you are.
K: --but whatever it is, don't do it!
C: --Right!
C: I think I want to answer the question now.
K: Okay.
C: I think we should live our dreams--I think you live in dreamland too and that's your problem.--you want things to be perfect like they are in your fantasies.--Don't worry, I get you, so I don't think there is really a problem with it. I think you want people to be nice to you because you're nice to them and I think they want you to be nice to them because they feel entitled to it. I think you can apply this to pretty much everything, Kyle. You care about equality--too much about it really. You want to be equals with people who are your inferior and so it never works out--it would be different if you wanted to be equals with people who were better than you, but you don't. You keep hanging around people like me who live paycheck to paycheck, and for people like me, it's ok, but people who are conscious of living paycheck to paycheck it's bad because to them they think they have to compete and be somebody they aren't and pretend they're on the same level as you are. --I think people would trade anything to be in your situation--
K:--but they dont, otherwise they WOULD be where I am.
C: True. Maybe people think they would trade anything to have their fantasies fulfilled, but only you have been dedicated enough to do it so far.
K: I think it depends on what dreams you're referring to.
C: I think you haven't had time to fulfill those dreams.--you took care of the other dreams.
K: Fair enough. So you're saying I should take care of my other dreams now.
C: The world is yours, friend, you just have to fantasize about it for a little bit and I'm sure you'll make it happen.
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