"Blame will not stop me from getting back up" an Essay by K. Oakes

I've been dealing with some strange arguments lately and it has made me depressed. I tend to be a very thought-oriented individual and sometimes I think myself into a mentally "dangerous" situation. I think myself into a situation where I can't figure things out and can't be comfortable with life until I can resolve these arguments that I stumble into.--Yes, yes, it's extreme, but what I do lose hope and become depressed, I know why I am depressed and because I think, I am better able to pull myself out of depression. I am alive, I understand my own humanity and I don't need medication to deal with it, I don't need a therapist, I just need myself and some time to think through these strange arguments and to hear some other arguments that help me think my way out of them. 

I watched this film today and I think my depression is over.  Life makes sense to me now, again:

I watched the above film "The High Cost of Living (2010)" and it brought my mind back to an argument I am still attempting to debate. The argument is this: "It does not matter whose fault it is, what matters is where you go from here."

It seems to me that people put a huge emphasis on finding whose fault something is and then making them pay. We raise our kids to think that if the neighbor harmed us we need to harm them back, or make them fess up to it, or make them pay for it.--If they break a window on your house by accident, they need to work and earn the money to pay you back; if your boyfriend has sex with someone else then they have problems and you should leave them; if you hit someone with your car, you need to make it up to them and go to prison.--I think this is stupid.

Our society is way too preoccupied with whose fault it is and that makes it more difficult for us to be comfortable with our human condition. Really the issue comes down to that we've been trained into thinking in fault-finding--blame Plato/Socrates for that because it's his fault we got here! He introduced us to the concept of real truth, rather than sophist truth/democratic truth, and argued that it was superior to sophist truth. When you have the concept of objective truth, then you can have the concept of blame and be somewhat fair about it.--Only problem is that we almost never have the real truth and even when we do, the truth becomes irrelevant because it is fact and doesn't associate blame or fault any more than it associates justification or rightness.

I propose a better way, and it stems from my religious beliefs. No, I'm not a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim or a Buddhist, and I'm not an agnostic. I'm Atheist--Atheist in the Greek sense, so if you want to call me Greek Atheist, fine.--but the term is generalized. I don't believe in God or Gods but I believe Religion brings down our society when it should be lifting us up, so I oppose religion. Do I think all religion is "bad"? No. Do I believe people are bad? No. My real religion is Love. --And I've seen Religion oppose Love often enough to believe that religion leads to the opposite of Love, and anything that opposes what I believe in, I oppose--up until it can stand out of the way of my beliefs. If religion can find a way to be passive and not affect Love, then I would support it, but sometimes it doesn't, and when it doesn't then I am Greek Atheist.

I already wrote an article on Love, so I'm not going to go into detail about that here, but whenever you start to blame others you start to hinder love. You hold back people that you care about. Worse, you hurt people who are trying to Love or trying to be Loved! Those people, over time, become bitter and have a harder time loving others or being loved by others. How scary is that? If to love is to have someone care about you, then what happens when you get bitter and have a hard time caring about other people--you go crazy. You go sociopathic, you go really really really nihilistic and then you end up like any of these kids out there these days who go homicidal and then suicidal. --PLEASE don't hurt people who are trying to Love or be Loved because  it leads them down a dark path and society is paying the debt every time one of these kids loses hope and takes out a bunch of people with him or her.


The strange argument that was bringing me down is simple, and in essence, it IS the Human Condition. It is the desire for purpose, it is the unquenchable curiosity, it is the fear of death and the inevitable isolation.


But you've gotta get back up.
I've picked this video because it's a new, unheard song by Eminem mixed with a popular video game. This was very intentional and very specific. It would seem that Eminem is the patron saint of nerds, geeks, and kids who've been picked on, feel different, and feel like they aren't loved. And have you seen how many of these kids play video games to escape, especially shooters?

Let me explain the argument I was battling with, because it all ties back to blame, and I think everyone could benefit from understanding this argument.

First, I had the question: What is the point of life? If I know how to be happy, if I know how to connect with others, if I know how to find answers to my questions because I know how to think, then what is the purpose of life if eventually I'll always be forced into isolation? Why do I fight on? Why do I keep making new friends when eventually they fade away, why do I put up with other people's annoying behavior, why do I try to help people, and most of all, why do I Love? It's easier to hate, it's easier to live a life of bitterness. It's easier to be completely independent of people--to fade away into the blackness, to venture out into the wilderness and never come back. It's easier to give up on life and to express yourself in a way so that people understand that they hurt you. It's SO much easier to blame others for all of your problems. To blame them for hurting you--because shit, they have hurt you! --So why fight on, why keep going in life? What's the point? Why am I beating myself up?


Asking that question is like asking: Why do I refuse to give up?


--And we all have to find our own answer to that question because it all depends on what you are doing. Ultimately, the answer comes down to: "...Because what I want is that important."--And yes, it IS subjective. This whole world comes down to the subjective answer you give to the question "Why Do I refuse to give up?" Because what I want is THAT important.

But before you can make the jump from asking the question, to realizing the answer, you have to come to the realization of exactly WHAT you want.--I know what I want. I've thought it out often enough at least that I ought to know what I want.--But this last little while I didn't really understand what I want. It isn't that I want to be at peace and happy, and that's why I was so upset about this strange argument. Because What's the point if all I want is to be at peace and happy?

Then, I hit a standstill in my argument, because eventually, I'll die and it'll be over with, so why am I not comfortable with dying now? Why am I not completely comfortable with my fear of death? What is it that made me panic so much when I was swimming across the lake? What is it that prevents me from giving myself away to the military to use my life to protect my ideals--I even thought, maybe I could go to another country and fight for their wars, because war isn't a matter of patriotism, it's a matter of ideals and there are a few wars that I support even though they have little to do with the U.S. --Again, why do I fight? Why have I fought this far?-- WHAT have I been fighting for?

And I think from watching that film I finally have an answer to that question:
I keep going because I have a dream that the world doesn't have to be this way. I'm not the ass I used to be because I don't want to spread anti-love, I don't want to blame people anymore because I've been wrongly blamed before and it took me a long time to get better from that and I've been rightly blamed before and it didn't help anything, it was just as bad as when I was wrongly blamed. I refuse to give up being a nice guy because I dread the thought of a world where all the nice guys give up hope. I refuse to stop helping people, even when I'm drained and I just want to go home, because I live in a world where sometimes people refuse to help and a lot of bad things happen because of it. People lose hope, they go on their own personal jihad or crusade, they go completely crazy because the arguments take them over and no one has trained them on how to deal with the arguments.

I'm fighting a war every day. The war I fight is in favor of Love. It is so that there will be one less kid who takes his life and the life of others. It is so that we can all have real peace and we can all be happy. I refuse to give up because I am still fighting for a better world, one in which people don't live in fear of being rejected, one in which we keep moving forward and nothing holds us back, one in which there is always support out there for people who need it. I'm fighting for a world where we stop focusing on blame and fault, because the more I learn about blame and fault, the more I realize it's contrary to everything I believe in and fight for.

Why do we punish people for mistakes? Why do we punish people for intentional acts? Either way, we have to live with the outcome. Why make enemies when you can make friends? Why not enlist their help in fixing this rather than turning them into an enemy?

I know the answer to these questions: It's because we think our human condition is going to be resolved if we have a scapegoat. We think that if we're in the right and they're in the wrong that we're going to find closure. --But you don't find closure from that. You find closure in another way.

So what your girlfriend cheated on you, can't you see that she isn't getting some of her needs met by you? So what if people are rude to you, can't you see that they have problems and that when you are rude back that you're makign their problems worse and you're not making them want to be nice to you.

This is why I fight. Because I believe in a better world than this. I believe it is possible. I believe it is feasible. I believe that my actions make a difference, and I for one refuse to give up until I can see that world. No matter how hard people make it for me. We, who believe in this better world, will not give up.


I hope some day you can join us and the world will live as one.

All-Natural Anti-Depressant: Intro

INTRODUCTION

I am writing this series of articles because I want the world to know that you don't have to get on pills, you don't have to have a therapist, and you don't have to be miserable in order to deal with your depression.  I am living proof that humans have the ability to heal themselves. I have changed my life 180 degrees from being suicidal at age 13, and again at age 20, and finally reaching where I am now: perfectly happy with life and informed of the tools necessary to keep myself in this state.
I have had a couple people tell me that unless you've had severe depression, suicidal depression, you really don't understand depression. Those people have dismissed my claims that I have made a transformation, accusing me of not having as severe a depression as they do. If at the time I had been in that depressed state, it probably would have brought me down again into thinking that my own problems aren't as bad as other peoples' and that I was pathetic for thinking otherwise. --that's not the case. This formula I use is very real, even if it seems skeptical, and it has healed me from years (10+) of emotional baggage.
My claim is simple enough: that you can heal yourself without medication or therapy--just you dealing with yourself living a normal life. You don't need drugs, you don't need religion, and you don't need to see a therapist to heal yourself, the capability is within you and once you tap into it you will feel a sense of power that will one day beat out the skepticism you feel. Coming to the realization that I am about to share with you over the course of these articles will potentially be the most invigorating thing you have ever experienced in your life.

RESOURCES
By and large, I am going to explain my all-natural remedy for depression through my own experiences, however, I couldn't have made it here on my own. I read a lot of material--literature and self-help books--in order to get here. Unfortunately, not everything you read in the field of self-help is proven or even helpful, so I had to weed through the garbage/heresay by testing it out and finding what works for me.
Since I am speaking from my own perspective and experiences, I can't guarantee that these things will work for everyone or every circumstance. The way I respond to depression, I know, was different from the way that other people respond to it, but I have tried to narrow down my basic points to those that I believe apply to everyone. Take what I say as you will, try out the things you aren't sure about and don't do anything you don't think will work because you are the only person who knows you and at the end of the day you are the only person responsible for your happiness and well-being.

WHY THE TITLE?
I chose this title because I have been on a natural-food, healthy living jive lately and I think it's becoming cool to use holistic remedies. The premise behind all-natural remedies is that anyone can make them and that they take an "outside of the box" approach to personal health. This is my "outside of the box" remedy--you can make it yourself, it doesn't require you to purchase or pay for anything, and it's the methods and tools that professionals don't want you to know about because they'd be out of a job!
Interestingly, I heard a quote recently from Vandana Shiva, premier quantum physicist, that explained how many scientists and doctors look at a world perspective from the scope of a petri dish and they apply what they learn to the larger world, without the understanding of causal relationships between the smallest of components and the world around them. I think this applies to society's present approach to dealing with depression: they look at the individual and say that he or she has a problem and that it can be cured with therapy or medicinal drugs. What they don't realize is that life is more than a singular perspective looking at the individual, but is instead three perspectives looking a the individual, the influences of the world around them and the impact and influence they have in turn on the world around them and how that impact circles around to affect them again.--more on this later!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "DEPRESSION"?
This might seem like a silly question to bring up in the introduction, but throughout the years I've dealt with this I realize that not everyone thinks the same things are "depression" some people say depression is merely sad feelings they can't shake, others say it's an overall feeling that is comparable to the feeling of lack of energy. Others say it's a feeling of being crazy and isolated/distant from others. Even others will tell you it's a state of mind rather than a feeling, and that it circles around logically to where they can't escape. I will be using the term "depression" very loosely. Depression is all of these things and more. To me personally, depression was lonliness, it was sadness, it was fear of my future and hopelessness; it was guilt and sorrow, it was a deranged, crazed state, it was occasionally anger at myself or others. For me, depression is both a feeling and a thought and is associated with a circumstance, and once I realized that it became easier to remedy.

WHAT TIMEFRAME ARE WE LOOKING AT?
My personal journey to recovery took me 9 years--I had to learn everything from scratch because no one told me where to look for answers and I internalized everything and didn't want to tell anyone I had a problem. I would get feeling better because some of the things worked, but without the finishing touches I would consistently slip back into depression. I lacked those finishing touches because I hadn't learned them yet. Hopefully this process will go much quicker for readers because I'm giving you access to a whole lot more information, all in one place, than I ever had.
With that in mind, my all-natural anti-depressant can only work as fast as you can. It requires a learning process unlike what they teach in school--there isn't necessarily memorization and regurgitation, you have to actually understand it in order for it to work, and no two people learn at the same rate. Along with learning comes application--none of this stuff is easy; you have to make sacrifices, you have to make hard decisions, you have to make changes to your life and way of thinking and way of approaching problems. If you're serious, I have no doubt that you'll pick all of this up easily, and the best part is that you HAVE to pick this stuff up, you have to adapt and change out of necessity instead of mere want and desire.

Next: PART 1

If you have any questions, comments, or experiences you'd like to share about this, you can direct your emails to consutdz@live.com or leave a comment on this page. I'd be happy to help you if you want some free assistance, but just remember: free advice may be just that...worth nothing.