Life is shifting every day. People change around you, circumstances change around you, and what you know or think you know changes so fast that you honestly can't say that life is constant.
I have a love-hate relationship with online friends. I like having friends who I only know online--it makes me feel like I have friends when I have nowhere to go in the real world. I love that when I'm finally finished working on homework or any kind of work over my computer screen, I'm just a click away from my online friends. In fact, that is one of the original great appeals I had with myspace and facebook: I could meet new online friends.
BUT, I absolutely hate online friends. I hate people that I've never met in person. I hate meeting people online because the friends you meet online are empty. Probably, somewhere, on the other side of the internet there is a person just like me who only makes friends online because he wants to feel like he has friends when he has nowhere to go in the real world. Well, when he has a place to go in the real world you never hear from him again. Dumb sucker.
That's why I hate online friends. And as you can see, I'm guilty of it as well.
That's why I hate online friends. And as you can see, I'm guilty of it as well.
Making friends online is like making friends on a train ride. When the train stops, everyone goes their own way. Some go to the market, some to the bar, some to the chapel, and others just go home. The worst part about it is that people online find it taboo to meet up in the real world. The only ones you'll meet in the real world are the ones that are as desperate as you are to have friends.
Sadly, I've met practically all of my friends online.
And yes, you guessed it, we met up offline as well.
And yes, you guessed it again, they all went their own ways.
Awww, what am I saying, all of my friends have gone their own way and the metaphor needs changing: making friends in real life is like going on a train ride. When the train stops, everyone goes their own way. Some go to the market, some to the bar, some to the chapel, and others just...
I think what I'm explaining is more of a modern occurrence. Before socializing on the internet was big, meeting people required meeting them in person. This new generation though, all they know is a world in which the online is a major part of their life.
The only problem that I can see with the online world is that it has different rules than the real world. People are concerned for their safety and "privacy". I honestly don't think there are THAT many pedophiles, creeps, identity thieves, and otherwise on the internet. I also don't think there is much that such a person could do without perfect circumstances.
My phone number has leaked to the real world from the online world and it really hasn't effected me, nor have I done anything to clean it up. I've "suffered" from ID theft in which many people have my phone number, even though I don't know who they are. Someone out there is using a craigslist account with my phone number and craigslist won't reset it, causing only an annoyance because I can't use my cellphone on craigslist and have to resort to the home phone. Lately I've been getting "prank" calls from dog pounds asking if I want fix my dog, I've had Avon asking if I want to get a "drag package" for guys who want to be girls, I even just barely got a call from a trucking company asking if I wanted them to pick up my package. . . Sure, it's annoying, but if I met this person in the real world I'd probably be annoyed by them in a similar way.
I'm not afraid of people online, true, being a guy is different from being a "vulnerable" young woman, but women aren't any more vulnerable than men are. I saw a story last night of a young Oklahoma single mother. Her husband passed away from cancer a week ago and 2 men stalked her and tried to break into her home with a 12" hunting knife--you know their intentions. Someone could as easy lure me into the real world to mug me and steal my money. Some "girl" could play like she's interested in meeting me offline for a date and a guy could come out with a gun and take my car from me, change the paint color and the licence and fake a VIN number and sell it--or even sell it to someone without a background check AND keep the money in my wallet. I don't see any less threat being a man than being a woman would, it's just in a different way. The news just likes to play with peoples' misconceptions about life (that women are more vulnerable than men for instance).
In real life, people care more about passing time than having relationships. They would rather pass time on the internet with people they don't know and may never meet in real life than go to some sort of social gathering and meet people there with real people.
This article is about how life is suppressed however, so you know I'm not just railing on online friendships. In fact, if you follow my style, you might realize that I'm going to convince you that online relationships are better than real-world ones...
In real life, you can't just "approach" people anymore. It's taboo. "Sociology Experts" (sorry for being vague--I can't recall who has said this, but MANY people have said this) claim that the rising generation X, since the generation has been accustomed to instant gratification and online socializing and cell phones and other modern technology, is less adept at face-to-face communication. Talking OVER a cell-phone is more difficult for people than texting or emailing someone, because culture hasn't emphasized it. Instead of calling customer service, this generation, and likely any future generations, would rather look at an FAQ online or use a chat service. Because modern marketing seeks out customers rather than seeking to lure in customers, people (or "gen x and future generations") expect others to come to them when they have specific needs, then, just as if those people were an advertisement, the individual has to choose to accept or reject them.
But BECAUSE advertising is so pesky, "marketing experts" claim that people are getting smarter and more savvy. "Marketing Experts" claim that people are so smart that it is "easy" for them to spot advertisements. --I wish I knew who said that, because meanwhile, "psychology experts" are claiming that people are becoming so swamped with information that they don't know how to make sense of anything and it is easier for them to be duped because they've given up on trying to sort it out. [I ought to write an in-depth article about this, because really it's rhetoric: when people are confused by too much logic, make an appeal to ethos or make an appeal to pathos...make them so frustrated by their competitors that they choose you for being the only non-pesky one...even when you're the MOST pesky one]
I went to a party on New Years. Many people my age went to that party and I wrote an article on it. During this party I got sick of standing around people I didn't know and couldn't hear and I lost them in the crowd when I went to grab a drink. I decided to sit down on a chair rather than seek them out--I was bored anyway. The only place I felt comfortable sitting (people were spaced intermittently along the wall and there were not "empty" seats) was next to an attractive girl sitting all by herself. She looked a little grumpy actually, I could tell she wasn't the same religion as everyone at the party and she had that look on her face like: Mormons are weird and rude and no one will give me attention. So I asked her if I could sit in the empty chair next to her.
Again, that was the ONLY chair I felt comfortable sitting at. I didn't want to sit by old people who were there to monitor the party. I didn't want to sit by 5 or 6 guys and girls who looked absorbed in their conversations. People had jackets and bags on chairs that I didn't want to move. So I sat by the grumpy girl, probably with the intent to cheer her up, make a friend, for a relationship with her and then possibly get her number so that I can say I made a new friend and didn't waste the night.
When I sat down though, I suddenly felt VERY uncomfortable. At that moment I became the creeper kid who comes up to pretty girls just to get their number, baptize them, and then marry them. I was a little too invested in the seat to just leave, and I didn't want to do anything rude, more importantly, I didn't want to be that "Creeper kid". I laugh now that I think about it, because "I'm a rebel like that": I occasionally like to do things that are taboo, and play the part of the cocky jerk or the timid nerd just because I can. (You might say I'm a freak like that, but for some reason playing like I'm cocky or timid lets people know I'm really not timid and I'm really not cocky, I'm pretty moderate)
My discomfort, as I think about it now, was caused by social norms that have been established in this generation which I was trying to break: ~You can't just talk to strangers!~. People have built up their lives so that they don't WANT people to just approach them. I've heard from a friend, and thought it was VERY foolish at the time, that some people think they want to get to know you online before they meet you in person. He was right though: some people do not want to talk in person because they don't know how to communicate verbally. They don't want to talk in person because they don't have anything to hide behind; if the person they're talking about turns into a creep, a jerk, a pessimist, annoying, or some sort of thief, they have no where to run. They don't want to talk in person because they'd rather pass time, get old, and die; than build relationships.
[[What are we if we aren't social animals?Are we predators? Are we insects? Are we more like moles?]]
In the English language there isn't an antonym for communicating back and forth. There isn't just one word to explain when people don't talk to each other. I chose the word "suppressed," in the title, to describe what I'm referring to, but suppressed implies that it was intentional, such as when you give someone the cold shoulder. I could have chosen "disconnected," but that implies that they are trying to communicate but they are speaking about different things, like when two people argue, one is arguing over the definition and the other is arguing over the outcome. In some ways people are intentionally not communicating with each other. In other ways people are speaking about different things and having conflicts from it.
Take your pick of antonyms: bottle up, conceal, cover, keep, keep quiet, suppress, withhold, hide, keep secret, repress. --None of them work for describing this: our modern society is unintentionally withholding information and failing to communicate.
It isn't that they don't WANT to communicate. No one really wants to not have friends. No one WANTS to be alone and I don't think our bodies are designed to be alone: we have a NEED for social interaction; especially if we've already had it before in the past. No one, having all the friends in the world, could withstand the psychological agony of losing all their friends, that is why movies like Castaway and Gladiator are so relatable. The main characters of these stories are pitiable BECAUSE of their psychological trauma.
The failure to communicate comes from lack of communication skills, the fear of breaking newly established social norms, and society's the failure to recognize this problem. The problem came about when internet culture evolved into mainstream culture. In order to fix this problem, we need to instill in society a culture of new social norms that aren't counter-intuitive to building relationships and we need to teach people how to have stronger communication skills to counter for the bad habits developed through online communication. Before we can fix this problem though, we need to recognize that it is a problem that our society is less personable and needs correcting.
My phone number has leaked to the real world from the online world and it really hasn't effected me, nor have I done anything to clean it up. I've "suffered" from ID theft in which many people have my phone number, even though I don't know who they are. Someone out there is using a craigslist account with my phone number and craigslist won't reset it, causing only an annoyance because I can't use my cellphone on craigslist and have to resort to the home phone. Lately I've been getting "prank" calls from dog pounds asking if I want fix my dog, I've had Avon asking if I want to get a "drag package" for guys who want to be girls, I even just barely got a call from a trucking company asking if I wanted them to pick up my package. . . Sure, it's annoying, but if I met this person in the real world I'd probably be annoyed by them in a similar way.
I'm not afraid of people online, true, being a guy is different from being a "vulnerable" young woman, but women aren't any more vulnerable than men are. I saw a story last night of a young Oklahoma single mother. Her husband passed away from cancer a week ago and 2 men stalked her and tried to break into her home with a 12" hunting knife--you know their intentions. Someone could as easy lure me into the real world to mug me and steal my money. Some "girl" could play like she's interested in meeting me offline for a date and a guy could come out with a gun and take my car from me, change the paint color and the licence and fake a VIN number and sell it--or even sell it to someone without a background check AND keep the money in my wallet. I don't see any less threat being a man than being a woman would, it's just in a different way. The news just likes to play with peoples' misconceptions about life (that women are more vulnerable than men for instance).
In real life, people care more about passing time than having relationships. They would rather pass time on the internet with people they don't know and may never meet in real life than go to some sort of social gathering and meet people there with real people.
This article is about how life is suppressed however, so you know I'm not just railing on online friendships. In fact, if you follow my style, you might realize that I'm going to convince you that online relationships are better than real-world ones...
In real life, you can't just "approach" people anymore. It's taboo. "Sociology Experts" (sorry for being vague--I can't recall who has said this, but MANY people have said this) claim that the rising generation X, since the generation has been accustomed to instant gratification and online socializing and cell phones and other modern technology, is less adept at face-to-face communication. Talking OVER a cell-phone is more difficult for people than texting or emailing someone, because culture hasn't emphasized it. Instead of calling customer service, this generation, and likely any future generations, would rather look at an FAQ online or use a chat service. Because modern marketing seeks out customers rather than seeking to lure in customers, people (or "gen x and future generations") expect others to come to them when they have specific needs, then, just as if those people were an advertisement, the individual has to choose to accept or reject them.
But BECAUSE advertising is so pesky, "marketing experts" claim that people are getting smarter and more savvy. "Marketing Experts" claim that people are so smart that it is "easy" for them to spot advertisements. --I wish I knew who said that, because meanwhile, "psychology experts" are claiming that people are becoming so swamped with information that they don't know how to make sense of anything and it is easier for them to be duped because they've given up on trying to sort it out. [I ought to write an in-depth article about this, because really it's rhetoric: when people are confused by too much logic, make an appeal to ethos or make an appeal to pathos...make them so frustrated by their competitors that they choose you for being the only non-pesky one...even when you're the MOST pesky one]
I went to a party on New Years. Many people my age went to that party and I wrote an article on it. During this party I got sick of standing around people I didn't know and couldn't hear and I lost them in the crowd when I went to grab a drink. I decided to sit down on a chair rather than seek them out--I was bored anyway. The only place I felt comfortable sitting (people were spaced intermittently along the wall and there were not "empty" seats) was next to an attractive girl sitting all by herself. She looked a little grumpy actually, I could tell she wasn't the same religion as everyone at the party and she had that look on her face like: Mormons are weird and rude and no one will give me attention. So I asked her if I could sit in the empty chair next to her.
Again, that was the ONLY chair I felt comfortable sitting at. I didn't want to sit by old people who were there to monitor the party. I didn't want to sit by 5 or 6 guys and girls who looked absorbed in their conversations. People had jackets and bags on chairs that I didn't want to move. So I sat by the grumpy girl, probably with the intent to cheer her up, make a friend, for a relationship with her and then possibly get her number so that I can say I made a new friend and didn't waste the night.
When I sat down though, I suddenly felt VERY uncomfortable. At that moment I became the creeper kid who comes up to pretty girls just to get their number, baptize them, and then marry them. I was a little too invested in the seat to just leave, and I didn't want to do anything rude, more importantly, I didn't want to be that "Creeper kid". I laugh now that I think about it, because "I'm a rebel like that": I occasionally like to do things that are taboo, and play the part of the cocky jerk or the timid nerd just because I can. (You might say I'm a freak like that, but for some reason playing like I'm cocky or timid lets people know I'm really not timid and I'm really not cocky, I'm pretty moderate)
My discomfort, as I think about it now, was caused by social norms that have been established in this generation which I was trying to break: ~You can't just talk to strangers!~. People have built up their lives so that they don't WANT people to just approach them. I've heard from a friend, and thought it was VERY foolish at the time, that some people think they want to get to know you online before they meet you in person. He was right though: some people do not want to talk in person because they don't know how to communicate verbally. They don't want to talk in person because they don't have anything to hide behind; if the person they're talking about turns into a creep, a jerk, a pessimist, annoying, or some sort of thief, they have no where to run. They don't want to talk in person because they'd rather pass time, get old, and die; than build relationships.
[[What are we if we aren't social animals?Are we predators? Are we insects? Are we more like moles?]]
In the English language there isn't an antonym for communicating back and forth. There isn't just one word to explain when people don't talk to each other. I chose the word "suppressed," in the title, to describe what I'm referring to, but suppressed implies that it was intentional, such as when you give someone the cold shoulder. I could have chosen "disconnected," but that implies that they are trying to communicate but they are speaking about different things, like when two people argue, one is arguing over the definition and the other is arguing over the outcome. In some ways people are intentionally not communicating with each other. In other ways people are speaking about different things and having conflicts from it.
Take your pick of antonyms: bottle up, conceal, cover, keep, keep quiet, suppress, withhold, hide, keep secret, repress. --None of them work for describing this: our modern society is unintentionally withholding information and failing to communicate.
It isn't that they don't WANT to communicate. No one really wants to not have friends. No one WANTS to be alone and I don't think our bodies are designed to be alone: we have a NEED for social interaction; especially if we've already had it before in the past. No one, having all the friends in the world, could withstand the psychological agony of losing all their friends, that is why movies like Castaway and Gladiator are so relatable. The main characters of these stories are pitiable BECAUSE of their psychological trauma.
The failure to communicate comes from lack of communication skills, the fear of breaking newly established social norms, and society's the failure to recognize this problem. The problem came about when internet culture evolved into mainstream culture. In order to fix this problem, we need to instill in society a culture of new social norms that aren't counter-intuitive to building relationships and we need to teach people how to have stronger communication skills to counter for the bad habits developed through online communication. Before we can fix this problem though, we need to recognize that it is a problem that our society is less personable and needs correcting.
No comments:
Post a Comment