People get offended way too often. I know that my views about offence are probably only accepted by 1% of society, even though when I explain them to you now 99% of people will agree with what I say.
However, there is a disconnection between what people think they do, and what they actually do.
Specifically, people get upset more over written communication than they do verbal communication. I honestly don't know why that is because it doesn't make sense to me. They get offended over failure to communicate in a faulty medium--written words are much more ambiguous and indirect than verbal communication, such as on a telephone or in-person. --I'm being facetious. When we communicate in-person, there are actually several communication channels open: there's audio, body language, and even some sort of metaphysical or magnetic field type channel when we talk in-person. With as many channels as are open, it makes the message more direct. Over the phone there are less; in a letter, even still less; in an email, where handwriting is limited, even less; on twitter and facebook, less, because there are less characters; through a text message, even still less.
Each of these mediums have practical benefits of course: when people don't see your body language it's easier to hide useless information or static information that is caused by failure to portray the proper emotions. Slowing down time to have a conversation through texting or facebook gives each side extra thought processing time and allows them to formulate answers more concisely. But some of the time that isn't a good thing: more time to analyze what is written, more time to criticize and evaluate, more time to get carried away and to let tempers flare and to insert things between lines. Without those few extra channels that are provided by in-person conversation, it means we have more room for conflict if it should arise. This, at its core, is why they say writing is more ambiguous than verbal--don't get me started on when in-person conversations are taken over by a 3rd party, who in turn, is able to approach them with the same level of criticism and analysis as if it were on facebook or twitter. --If you were wondering, this is how gossip happens!
In any case, people get offended WAY too easily. The above preface to this remark helps me make the case that, if there is anywhere that someone should let ambiguity overwhelm them, it should be over in-person conversations and not texts, emails, twitter, facebook, or even hand written letters. If they wouldn't take the same conversation that was said in a letter and get offended by it if the person were in-person, then there is no reason why they should be offended at all. Words are words...symbols of communication--they aren't the actual communication themselves. A lot of the intended meanings of things are lost in translation from the writing medium to the medium that thoughts are written in.
Regardless, people always find a way to get offended. They get offended when someone intends to do something but doesn't. They get offended when someone intends to do something that the other person wouldn't like. They even get offended when someone intends to do something malicious to someone else, but then doesn't follow through with it--as if they are just egging them on to start fighting because somehow they will benefit from the fighting. They get offended when people purposefully do harmful things to them. They get offended when people accidentally do harmful things to them. They get offended when people do things to them and then don't apologize for those things as if they were 'going' to forgive them, but because they didn't ask for that forgiveness they have all the more reason to be offended by them --please, give it up, we all know you were never REALLY going to forgive them, what you're doing is called justifying.
People like to get offended when others break their promises. They get offended when they don't ever make any promises. They get offended when they are given a vow to make it up to them for having to break a promise--as if to say they were offended for being offered recompense! People like to get offended when there is no money for them and when there is money for them but they don't get to use it in the way that they want. They get offended when other people get money and they don't. They get offended when people ask them questions. They get offended that no one asks them questions. They get offended that someone asks them a question and then forgets the answer and asks again. They get offended when they ask a question and they don't get an answer. They get offended when they ask a question, get an answer, but don't like the answer to that question.
Had enough?
People can basically get offended for anything that they choose to be offended by; and what's worse is that they get offended by miscommunication, especially miscommunication caused by faulty mediums.
Gee, it would really be nice if we all had telepathy and could just convey our thoughts right over to people and then the offences would be limited to: "I'm offended that you would even think that!"
My take on offense is simple: I don't get offended until three solid strikes and I forgive and forget about it 24 hrs later. When my head hits the pillow I've forgotten about everyone that bothered me that day. It's quite stress free, and I don't care if people think I'm crazy, or bold for coming up to my so-called enemies and acting as though everything is fine.
The thing is, I have found that people will react to you the way that you react to them. If I were to get offended every time someone offended me, it would only make things worse. They would be further offended that I was offended by them, then it would be my turn, and I would get offended that they got futher-offended that I got offended...you can see where this is headed. That's why nukes were put in lock-down and sanctions in place a long time ago...because with the right two people, offence can lead to offence can lead to offence can lead to nuclear war.
The message is simple: You get offended by whatever you choose to be offended by. If you choose not to be offended by things, then nothing's going to offend you. Trust me it's easy to do: if crazy people can accidentally not be offended by things, then you too, who are sane, can purposely not be offended by things.
[[And as a side note, (I can't resist sharing this) my favorite reason for people being offended is when they get offended because they know something that other people don't, or they're talented at something that others are not, and they get offended that someone would ask them if they would volunteer their talents or knowledge ("What's she think I am, her slave!?"). I'm not sure the correct term for that: Is it a form of arrogancy and control, as in, "I don't want you to know this gem because it will make you a more powerful person and I don't want anyone to be more powerful than I am," or is it that they are offended that they aren't normal because normal people aren't as talented or intelligent as they are?--people do, in fact, desire to be a part of the majority, and our definition of sanity is based on how we relate to the majority of society.]]
I opened this article with: 99% of you will agree with this even though only 1% of you really believe this. I suppose what I meant was that only 1% of society practices what they believe about offence. It's easy to be offended, sure. We all get offended, sure. It's easy to justify our behavior and reason for being offended. Sure. But it takes a real man or real woman to choose to NOT be offended and to carry on with life. And I'm going to be really offended if after reading this article you are still part of the 99!
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