I am on vacation.
I deserve this vacation.
I returned to my parents' home for the weekend, and will be attending my twin nieces' first birthday party.
It's 1 am.
I'm sitting in the kitchen with my mother, we casually chat, and it almost feels like we're in an office together. Her laptop is set up and I'm on her spare laptop--she's doing work, and I'm slacking off.
I can't sleep at nights.
I stay awake at night half wanting to stay up so that I can get some work done and feel those feelings of tiredness, and half wanting to sleep so badly so that I can have that refreshed feeling in the morning.
Now that I have a vacation I think I'll have both of my guilty pleasures at once: stay up late just because I can, sleep in late just so I can have that refreshed feeling. It feels good to so something you can't normally do--taking advantage of priceless opportunities is a grand experience.
This blog is about a few different things, and I feel as though I would like to go back through and re-read some of the things I explored on here.
Originally, I had in mind to use this blog to test out a theme that I had in my head of "how we know what we know" and that "we don't 'know' anything, it's all subjective, it's all based on assumptions about the way life works." We can come to "know" things, but when we look at the root foundation of that truth, we discover that all we know is that if "ideal" situations existed (the ones that we THINK are reality) then yes, what we know would be true. But because there are no "ideal" situations, we can't ever FULLY know anything.--This concept gets really deep and confusing, but if you apply the same learning processes to believe that what I say is real, then it will all make perfect sense (as much sense as anything else).
The best way I can explain this is to use this example: When you drop something, it falls. When you drop something in outter space, does it fall? --it doesn't appear to be falling, does it? It appears to be floating, yes? Well we come to find out that it IS falling. The whole universe is moving and what we know as "the lack of gravity" is really the existence of gravity applied in a much larger scale. If all you knew was that in outer space things don't fall, they float, you would be correct, yes. But at the same time you would be false (when you get into technicalities). That's what I wanted to explore on this blog, that what we know about anything is really not what we know, and although it might have SOME truth to it, it's not the FULL truth.
That little example is where the title of this blog came from actually.
Secretly, I also touch on a brief theme every now and again that is a pun on the title of this blog as well: when a person falls, there are typically reactions, there are typically cause and effect relationships to everything. We discover that a person's life is more impactful than we originally suspect. I've been affected by everyone I met, whether I liked that person or not, I was shaped by it. And I've seen people go downhill. I've seen people at the end of their lives--lives full of excitement and apparent grandeur, yet these people have lapsed into alsheimers (sp?) or some other mental illness that diminishes their previous life.
It's all very interesting. But it has a tone of sadness too. I've seen others who have taken more steep dives--drops from having great respect to having very little respect from those around them. These are people who are great leaders--you don't become great without having leadership ability. I think the mere fact that great people do it is a sign that anyone can fall, and hopefully they will catch themselves before anything serious occurs, but still, people fall from grace, fall from life, fall from whatever.
I also purposely write these late at night right before my bedtime--most of them--and in a sense the title also comes from when I fall asleep. A lot of the time that I'm awake I don't know if I'm awake or asleep, I merely know that it is late and that I am still being active. I have a go-to-bed ritual that helps me distinguish time, but I shudder to think what would happen if I ever did that ritual and then went about doing something. I might really fall asleep doing something--speaking of which, my mother just about hit her head on her laptop...I'm watching her nod off and arise again. --I've never done that, but by the time I reach her age I might just do it...of course, by the time I'm finished with university I intend on getting on a real schedule and quit staying up at nights. I've seen my mother drop actually...there are times when her late night behaviors don't help her in may ways, and I dont' want to be that way. Sleep is a good thing.
I have to make a confession now before it's too late...
I'm purposely sloppy in writing this blog. I have other, more professional places where I strive for perfection in my writing--where every spelling error makes me look like an idiot, where every gramatical mistake seems bad. But here, here, I want it to come out as raw as possible. I'm not trying to prove anything here. --Odd based on the title and theme, but still--I'm trying to just get this information out there. Whether it's THE truth or not, I don't know, a lot of it is just my thoughts and opinions on the matter. I do more observative research than technical research. If I were engaging in some scholarly pursuit with this blog, A, I wouldn't put the findings on a blog, B, I'd take extensive care to make it look good and professional.
That said, ideas can in fact be truthful, even though they aren't tested out...All scientific discoveries start with an idea after all. All creative works start with an idea as well.
What I really wanted to write out, is where do ideas go when they are good enough?
Ok, I'll quit being fescicious(sp?).
I've been thinking a lot lately about ideas I have...I'm obviously an ideas man, because I have plenty of good ideas. learning how to apply those ideas is a little more difficult however...
Take for instance that I have a business idea that I really think is superb and grand, Getting money for that idea is another story... I think this idea has the potential to be profitable, but how much, I don't know. Business is all about taking risks, and unfortunately I don't have the means right now to take those risks.
I'm actually quite bummed out about the whole thing because I can totally see myself turning it into a good enterprise if my circumstances were a little different...the problem is...I'm trapped in university. I'm just a young, big fish in a small pond or little fish in a big ocean--more likely the ocean. It's not a very fun feeling.
I suppose it's just not meant to be right now. Unfortunately I've advanced with things that will take some time to undo.
I realized though, that that isn't my field...the entrepreneurship, yes, but the industry isn't my turf (literature publication). My turf is the film industry. I am most comfortable in it. I know more about that industry than any other. Creating and telling stories, that's also my industry, but the marketing and publishing of written literature? not so much... I know they're closely related, but the market for literature is VERY different from that of film--even the market for screenplays is different from that of novels. It's odd--and yet they are connected.
If this blog proves to map out my own downfall, let me say now that I started this with great ambitions and great hope. The biggest thing that has always held me back has been school and living up to expectations--not my own, but other people's. Somehow I still feel obligated to make other people happy and I try to find compromises that help me and make others happy... Must be a natural trait I inherited somewhere along the line for being a human.
If there are any topics you, as my only reader (there are only a few people that read this) would like me to explore, please comment below. I come up with ideas all of the time, but it seems more gratifying to write FOR someone else.
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