My Only Frustration

The thing I find most frustrating about: <deep breath> Life-America-My World-Society-Women-my Surroundings, culture. --it's really just a cultural thing-- is how contradicted and ironic everyone is.

Women like to profess all these ideal things like eternal love, and how they're going to stick around, no matter what, but then...they leave when things get rough. I put Rihanna's Umbrella up because I know 90% of girls "<3" this song, not necessarily for the beat, though the beat is amazing and the singer too, they like this song for what is MEANS. (actually, a lot of girls like this song but not Rihanna, and they don't think she's a good singer...bah!)

But even Rihanna didn't stay friends with her Chris Brown--Therefore, this song is just about marketing. Like, oh my gosh, she's such a fake.




No, really. Men and Women (yes, men) like to say one thing but do the opposite. Actually, they like to say whatever sounds good and do whatever feels right (need I bring up relativism?) People are just plain weird. They can say they really care about you and are good at listening to all of your problems and want to help you, and then the next day silence. The next few days, silence.
Either people are quick to forget, they're quick to not care, or they are stunned. People who are stunned don't know what to do, so they don't do anything. This week I listened to a recorded interview of one of the police officers during 9/11. He mentioned a moment on that day where he had evacuated from a burning building because he didn't have any support, and when he got outside he found that everyone had retreated to a hill. When he got to the hill he said something to the effect of: "What are you all doing standing around, come on, there are people trapped and on fire in a building over here" and then he turned back around and ran back to the building, followed by many fire fighters and police officers. --These are trained professionals who are supposed to understand crisis management and help people. That's their job, and yet they were STANDING AROUND just watching. The thing that spurred them to action was one police officer reaming them out, taking a stand, and then returning to his duty.
--Now, I'm not trying to razz on the heroes of 9/11. Far from it! I'm trying to say that people can get so caught up on watching or doing their own thing that they don't realize that they need to rise to action.

I don't know though, on some things I really don't think people care. Everyone has just enough conscious in them to react whenever bad things happen, but deep down they lack the follow through in their caring to do anything about it. As an example, they might say: it's horrible that your husband is a drunk, let's hold an intervention, but then a week after the intervention they haven't checked up on him, they don't try to help him, they are quick to not care. If someone were to tell you they had suicidal thoughts, of course you would react at first, but then a week later would you ask them how they were doing? Would you call them a month later to see if they were alright? --maybe you would only do that with people close to you...
Shit, how do you think you get close to people?

Maybe people aren't as bad as they seem and they just forget. What a shame. What a shame. Forgetting people should be one of the greatest sins of all.


Back to my opener:
It's one thing to say all sorts of common quotes and its another to do them:
 to profess that you're the most loyal thing since bees and honey, but to leave when you think things are tough.
 to profess that you like to help people, but to never help people
 to profess you're an extrovert, when really you're scared to talk to new people
 to profess you know someone...who you've never talked to!
 to profess you're an introvert, when really you're an obnoxious extrovert who just wants to complain
 to profess you're an optimist, when you're so negative
 to claim you aren't lonely when you really are
 to claim you're sane when you're tripping out all the time
 to claim you're not depressed, when you really are
 to say you're not a drama queen or king when you cause the most drama in your sphere
 to say you're a friend, and then to walk away


How do I know I have no friends? because the only people who voluntarily talk to me each day are people who need something from me: My expertise, Me to borrow them money or pick something up from the store, Me to tell them what they're doing wrong, Me to listen to them, Me to work for them--for free, Me to offer my opinion, Me to assure them they're doing things right.

Sure, I enjoy being reliable, I enjoy being trusted, I enjoy it when my opinion matters, but I have needs too in this world.
Why do I stay up late at nights to post articles like this one? Because it's therapy for me. I have no friends who I could tell this stuff to. I have no friends who would pretend to listen to me. I have no friends who I could trust to pick up something from the store from me. I have no friends who are "experts" at anything 'useful' to me. I have no friends who would lend me money. Today, I didn't even have a friend who would work for me for money--let alone for free.

I suppose my biggest frustration with life is that people don't do what they say, and it's not that they are lying, it's that they are delusional... I want to live in a world of truth--the full truth. But as I pointed out in my past article  once I know full truth, THEN I want to live in a fantasy land.
Or rather, once I know that I'm not perfect, that I'm a social recluse who is open with everyone, enjoys talking and making appearances and first impressions, is comfortable in my own skin regardless of the situation, and that there isn't anyone out there like me or who knows what I go through--Once I come to accept all that as the truth, then I want to set it aside and do whatever the hell I feel like until it comes my time for action. It's hybrid relativism I suppose... I do whatever I want whenever I want but only until something BIG happens and then I do what I know is true.

Why?
Because no one is reliable. Not like me. And I think I'm only reliable because I hate that other people aren't reliable. I do what I say, I become what I want to be, what I say I want to be. I take honesty to a whole new level--or rather, I used to. I feel pretty confident that I have the truth with me, and honestly, knowing the truth doesn't do shit for me. It hurts me more than it helps me.