I used to be a big dinosaur and a little viking, but now I would say I've converted to my ancestral ways and am a full viking now. Dinosaurs are out and Vikings are in.
I'm not entirely sure what any of this means... Dinosaurs are big, deadly, sometimes fast, intelligent, sneaky, lethal, imposing, mythic, and lovable. Occasionally they'll throw out a Roar or RArr really loud. Sometimes they travel in packs or herds. They can be lazy or productive. And that's what makes them the perfect counter to vikings:
Vikings were huge compared to Romans, Greeks, Jews, Turks, and other Europeans--there is a tall gene in the viking blood that has penetrated every continent (pun intended). They were deadly, a quick stab or knock on the head could kill you. They were fast, raiding coastal towns and villages and hauling away their loot before any armies could come. They were intelligent, sneaky and cleaver with their attacks (I just read an interesting attack on a roman city where the viking king was put in a casket and jumped out giving his comrades swords and sacking the city from within).
They were lethal, imposing, and overall mythic. You hear about how dinosaurs lived before most humans, you find their bones and DNA in the ground, you see them in museums, but did you know that most of our days of the week are named after Viking Gods? Tyr's day, Odin's day, Thor's day, Freya day... The vikings blood can be found in 90% of the world's population. How mythic is that?
Finally, Vikings are lovable for many qualities that need not be named.
... [trail off]...
I've been on Facebook lately. I quit logging into facebook because it's a waste of my time, makes me feel involved with people I really am not involved with or care to be, and I am in open protest of the big social networks because I feel it is a severely inefficient way of communicating with people--call or text me if you want to learn about what I'm doing, how I'm doing, or if you want to be my friend, and I will do the same for you. --Facebook is a gossip network, and I'm opposed to gossiping in that way. [even email and snail mail is better than facebook, and yes, I'll handwrite you letters if you handwrite me letters]
But I got on today because I was informed that the timeline features are unlocked and almost mandatory, and considering that I use facebook for spreading around ideas (though never obtaining ideas), I figured I'd log in, update, and get out.
The above picture is what I posted on my facebook background--or whatever it's called. I think it shows the conflict inside of me: Am I a dinosaur or a viking?--I see no difference between this and when people are conflicted over being a ninja or a pirate or a werewolf or vampire, or zombie or human, or angry bird or pig, or plant or zombie...or I could go on. Anyway. My battle is with vikings and dinosaurs.
I'm being silly, and I must apologize for anyone who has wasted their precious time reading this article...what you're looking for can be found below, the really deep informative stuff...
Another reason that prompted my facebook visit was that my last article had a significant amount of buzz. The headline I had written for the facebook post was about how I imagined I wouldn't be getting married until I was 26-30 yeas old...
I think I've settled on that idea. It gives me plenty of time to become fully independent, it's about average (and I'm average aren't I?), there will be time for me to gather up all my necessities (before getting married a guy has to have all of his toys because he probably won't get anymore after he's wed), and, most importantly I think it's much better for me, on an emotional and a mental standpoint, to avoid any serious relationships until my date age range is out of the teens [(( Y / 2) +7) = date age range]. I've found that women are less mature than men in Utah. --actually, I take that back...women on average are less mature, however their maximum maturity level is significantly higher than the male maturity level maximum. --It's all across the board, but the mature female is very rare and the average is weighed down by the number of immature ones. Men are more constant in their maturity, their low is higher and their high is lower, meaning there is less variance and their average is higher than the female average. [[for all of your math nerds ;)]]
With that in mind, I have been conducting a SWOT analysis on my life and I realized a few opportunities that I should take advantage of, and that means being more specific in my game plan of life.
...[return to the trail]...
Oh ya, and did you know about viking society?
The Vikings were actually quite the geniuses. They were THE international businessmen of their time, the original pirates, they had amazing social advances that may even surpass our society, and they had superior rhetorical skills.
Because the viking homeland of Scandinavia isn't the most fertile land in the world, they were forced to resort to conducting business and traveling. Thankfully Scandinavia is all coast (and rivers) and they vikings invented the perfect boat early on: light, small, fast, and yet full of capacity (think sloop meets Ikea). They became experts of international travel, learned others' local languages, and had significant business acumen. Sure, the Romans were the politicians of the world, and the Turks were mathematical geniuses, the Greeks were the Philosophers, but picture a society where instead of being forced to be political you are forced to navigate the business world with all of its international laws, politics, cultures, &c. just to survive?
The Pirate issue needs to be clarified. Most experts believe that the vikings weren't purely raiders, but that conflicts in business lead them to raid, pillage, and plunder. When they came into a port and were hit with unfair tariffs, taxes, and price gouging, of course they were upset. The local city ruler would confiscate their possessions and because they were foreigners and pagans they'd be mistreated. It made them upset! And because they were bigger, better equipped, had plenty of courage (these were the guys who traveled to the new world through the coldest route possible--above the Arctic Circle) and were a hearty bunch, they did the thing that any human would: react. Just as you wouldn't spit on the mafia, steal their things, and inform them of new taxes, you wouldn't mess with a viking who wasn't attached to your "quaint" town and outnumbered your warrior population. Mostly, the vikings stole from Romans and Roman Catholics, who were the wealthiest snobs of that time.
Vikings were possibly more of an advanced society than America is today. Men and women were relatively equal. Women could divorce husbands for several things. They handled disputes the honorable way: first they'd ask for recompense and if they couldn't get it they'd engage in competition, such as wrestling. If the competition was rigged, they'd burn down their house. --sounds barbaric, but so is capital punishment in a certain light. Employers and their employees were relatively equal, most accounts include references to the employer and the employee being "brothers" in arms--how many bosses today would look after their employees the way a viking lord would?
Finally, Vikings were masters of a secret rhetoric. Our days of the week are named for viking gods as I already explained. Some of the most popular folktales are Norse and Scandinavian in origin (Hans Christian Anderson for example). But most importantly, without having written hardly anything down, we have an extensive knowledge of these people. When you drop the word "viking" in a conversation, people know exactly what it means, they may not know that vikings were the kings of the "Vi" or rivers, and Scandinavia is a land of swamps and rivers, but they know that they were some of the most rugged people in the world and that they were to be feared (they are feared in some early Christian texts under the reference North Men--men of the north).
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The Vikings were masters of a secret rhetoric because they managed to assimilate into all of Europe and the New World peacefully. Rhetoric's purpose, after all, is to find consensus--the vikings retained their homelands in Scandinavia (except from other vikings like the Danes or Rus) without battle, by convincing their enemies that they were exactly like them and that there is no need to fight when they could do business.
AND, they spread their DNA all over the world :)
I guess that makes them better (or at least equal to) the Mongols, the Romans, the Chinese, the Persians, the Mayans, the Aztecs, and the Americans; because while each of these "empires" were fighting and killing, the vikings were enjoying a simple lifestyle in which they could go anywhere and do anything without trouble--unless they wanted it.
----
For those of you who don't know, I have primarily Swedish blood in my veins (and the other dominant is Scott-English, which is a derivative of viking blood anyway) Ancestrally, I am a viking, not a dinosaur.
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