Good afternoon and thank you for giving this opportunity to speak. Today is February 15th, 2012. My name is Kyle Oakeson and I have the fortunate pleasure to present to you today the state of union, also known as "Why dating is so hard these days." I might also wish to add: "In Utah" to the title as it is specific to Utah dating, however, most of the information I will present today relates to people everywhere.
My goal in presenting this speech today is inform the general public of the present state of the dating and relationship world in which singles of post 2010 have to navigate.
I have structured my comments into four areas:
- Relationships in relation to the Economy
- Relationships in relation to Age, Modern Culture and the Media
- Relationships in relation to Expectations of singles
- The Shifting Domestic Social Structure and the Future of Dating
1. The latest shifts in the United States Economy have had a drastic impact on our perception and shape of relationships. The aging, Baby-Boomer workforce and the Great Recession have affected the Millennial Generation's potential to obtain the required financial stability and emotional security necessary to harbor healthy relationships. I will leave the specifics of this economic malfunction to economists and other experts who know little about humanity but plenty about quantifying the overarching shape of human society.
The result of this poor economy is that Generation Y, the largest generation so far, will have a harder time obtaining jobs than their parents or grandparents did at their age, and they will retire at a much older age. In a balanced economy, three generations do not exist equally in the workforce. As the older generation, in this case the Baby Boomers, retire from the highest tiers of the economy, the upper tier is replaced by the next generation, Generation X. Entry level positions and mid-level positions are then opened up to the youngest generation in the workforce, Generation Y. Unfortunately, because many Baby Boomers will not retire soon, it may be up to 9 years before they inhabit the same percentage of the workforce that the previous generation, the Matures, presently inhabit.
Financial stability is an aspect of our society's expectations for the family structure. Although the definition of a "family" has been under debate over the last ten years, being financially stable is silently implied as an aspect of family life. Since Gen Y will be carrying the burden of the economy for another few years, it is likely the majority won't obtain financial stability for a few more years as well.
2. Aside from Gen Y's slower rise to financial stability, changes in culture and social structure contribute to an under developed single population. Greater expectations are placed on Gen Y to exceed the success of previous generations; they are expected to be better educated, harder working, and more wealthy than their parents and grandparents. At the same time, emotional demands from the media expect them to stay young.
The needs of our nation, in the education of its citizens, require the majority of them to receive some form of post-secondary, specialized education. Because more and more individuals are jumping straight from high school into college, they carry the same mindset, habits, and attitudes from high school into college and approach dating in college much the same way that they would dating in high school. And, because there is a lack of opportunity for them to gain independence, they have no need to mature and develop as well as no opportunity to mature and develop.
There is an overall lack of training in humanities courses at all education levels, K-12, and Post-secondary. Humanities are an essential part of our understanding each other. Relationships are founded on mutual understanding or, equally important, attempting to understand one another. The declining emphasis on the humanities has created a less relationship-savvy generation. There are no specific academic training courses on how to build relationships with other individuals and the previous two generations' failed relationships limit their credibility as teachers, which has created a social shift in the role that the family unit plays on society.
The family institution was anciently designed to harbor the development of good relationships with others, but today the family institution lacks authority, organization, and structure to aid in the development process. Typically, children would have looked to their parents for learning how to manage relationships but because many households are split homes and the nuclear family structure is diminishing, the teaching ethos of paternal and maternal family members has significantly diminished. Teaching does not occur, or is severely limited, when the teacher's authority is in question. The teaching capabilities of Baby boomers and Gen Xers was also constrained by having both parents work and away from home for significant periods of time, resulting in children having less "learning" time with their parents on how to form relationships.
The amount of time needed for Gen Y to develop to the minimum level of maturity required for forming good, long-lasting relationships will be greater than that of the previous two generations. Gen Y faces pressure from the media to remain in an under mature state and enjoy a life without responsibility; this pressure is enforced in modern film plots and themes, reality television personalities, music lyrics, and dramatized lifestyles of the rich and famous.
The Media has a greater affect on Gen Y than any institution, including the family, school, and government. Gen Y grew up with television and high speed internet as well as social media, which granted them easy access to all of the world's information. Whenever they wanted to know something, they could look it up; but not everything on the internet is regulated. There is a lot of information on the internet and on television programming that is fallacious and unproven yet is presented in a way to sound authoritative. Because of the decreased role humanities education plays in our society, Gen Y is less capable of sorting out truth from untruth or logic from fallacy, and are more susceptible to mimic poor, observed behavior in the media and carry it nto their relationships with others.
There have been attempts at formalizing the process of educating this generation in building relationships, but the teaching field is still in its infancy and lacks an organized disciplinary body. Instead, such educators operate as tv personalities and gain their accreditation by applying modern rhetorical theory to sway mass audiences. In this industry, the level of credibility equates to audience size. Although this system works, to an extent, to limit the teachers without talent and to promote those who have talent, it also permits a vast array of conflicting views on the dating and relationships subject and it creates a lack of unity in the core teachings.
3. Singles in post 2010 have greater expectations than previous population samples. Social networks have changed the way people view and approach socializing. Social advances in equality of minorities has an impact on the mores and norms of modern singles. The expectations of singles are both broadening and becoming more refined to the point that there is an overall lack of unified understanding on what singles expect when dating.
Social networks have changed how people make and keep friends and how they learn about other people. The invention of the social network is relatively new and has opened the door to meeting and making friends online who share similar interests and would otherwise never have come in contact with one another. As psychologists and neurologists continue to study the effects social networking has on the individual, we need to contemplate the effects it has on society as a whole.
Recent studies have indicated that social networking contributes to a more self-centered, ethnocentric society. While social networks operate on the guise that they bring people together, they in fact create barriers between establishing relationships with others. Instead of divesting time to get to know an individual, they can scan their social profile and form personal conclusions about that person. This makes it difficult for some people to escape the skeletons of their past and carve out a bright future because the history of their lives can be found online. Other studies indicate that social networking contributes to the growing number of depression diagnoses because people are more likely to compare themselves to the false personas of others who seem to always be having a good time on their social networks. The comparisons that we make to other people create divisions between "us" and "them" and make forming diverse relationships difficult.
Social advances also influence the modern single's expectations of relationships. As the women's rights continue to equalize men and women, many question the male-female roles established anciently. The number of stay at home dads is on the rise as more and more women take up the role of primary bread winner. As the roles of males and females lose their boundaries, peoples' expectations out of relationships diversify with them, and finding others with shared beliefs becomes more difficult. For example, some women have taken to insisting that their husband stay at home while they take care of the kids, some men insist that their wives stay home to take care of the kids, and some men and women refuse to have children.
The Gay Rights Movements have equally complicated the dating and relationships world by broadening the types of relationship people may form. Men and women are no longer limited to pursuing only men, but may publicly pursue romantic relationships with men, women, or both men and women.
Overall there is a lack of unity behind what people expect out of a relationship. Building a relationship with another person requires sharing common goals and objectives and when people disagree on what they want out of a relationship it creates conflict that restricts the development of that relationship. Because more and more people have vast, complex goals that they are striving to achieve, they are often heading in different directions and refuse to develop relationships with others whose plans are incompatible. The self-centered social network culture has encouraged people to avoid compromising--a necessary component of any strong relationship.
4. Our society is diversifying on all fronts. Age has become less of an indicator of maturity than it did in the past. Political beliefs continue to spread across the continuum as people pick and choose the topics they value most. We are living in the Information Age where knowledge is readily available on the internet, and not just knowledge of practical facts and figures, but also knowledge about individuals and locales; all of which diversifies the knowledge, skills and abilities of singles.
In the past, the limited complexity of the social realm made finding the perfect match easier because more people shared similar beliefs and expectations. As our society begins to diversify, unless it also becomes less self-centered and more open to compromise, it will become more challenging to find the perfect match because there will be fewer people who share similar goals and beliefs.
The economy will continue to variegate society and we may see shifts in the percentages of our three class system. The average financial lifestyle of the typical bachelor, the unmarried eligible man or woman, will stagnate for the next few years until the economy takes off; this may, in turn, hinder the natural rate at which people get married.
The role of the family institution is changing. Less families can afford to have one parent stay at home, more families are having children without being married, and the number of divorces are rising. These changes to the the family unit are contributing to the diversity of expectations singles have for their future families.
Although this report sounds bleak in some aspects, the important thing to realize is that the average American Male now gets married around age 28, and the average American Female now gets married around age 26. Singles should expect to wait longer before getting married and be patient, eventually the economy will clear up, any changes to the social structure of society will be beneficial to those who adapt with them, and no matter how selfish people are they always succumb to isolationism and are willing to make any compromise in order to have a relationship.
Social networks have changed how people make and keep friends and how they learn about other people. The invention of the social network is relatively new and has opened the door to meeting and making friends online who share similar interests and would otherwise never have come in contact with one another. As psychologists and neurologists continue to study the effects social networking has on the individual, we need to contemplate the effects it has on society as a whole.
Recent studies have indicated that social networking contributes to a more self-centered, ethnocentric society. While social networks operate on the guise that they bring people together, they in fact create barriers between establishing relationships with others. Instead of divesting time to get to know an individual, they can scan their social profile and form personal conclusions about that person. This makes it difficult for some people to escape the skeletons of their past and carve out a bright future because the history of their lives can be found online. Other studies indicate that social networking contributes to the growing number of depression diagnoses because people are more likely to compare themselves to the false personas of others who seem to always be having a good time on their social networks. The comparisons that we make to other people create divisions between "us" and "them" and make forming diverse relationships difficult.
Social advances also influence the modern single's expectations of relationships. As the women's rights continue to equalize men and women, many question the male-female roles established anciently. The number of stay at home dads is on the rise as more and more women take up the role of primary bread winner. As the roles of males and females lose their boundaries, peoples' expectations out of relationships diversify with them, and finding others with shared beliefs becomes more difficult. For example, some women have taken to insisting that their husband stay at home while they take care of the kids, some men insist that their wives stay home to take care of the kids, and some men and women refuse to have children.
The Gay Rights Movements have equally complicated the dating and relationships world by broadening the types of relationship people may form. Men and women are no longer limited to pursuing only men, but may publicly pursue romantic relationships with men, women, or both men and women.
Overall there is a lack of unity behind what people expect out of a relationship. Building a relationship with another person requires sharing common goals and objectives and when people disagree on what they want out of a relationship it creates conflict that restricts the development of that relationship. Because more and more people have vast, complex goals that they are striving to achieve, they are often heading in different directions and refuse to develop relationships with others whose plans are incompatible. The self-centered social network culture has encouraged people to avoid compromising--a necessary component of any strong relationship.
4. Our society is diversifying on all fronts. Age has become less of an indicator of maturity than it did in the past. Political beliefs continue to spread across the continuum as people pick and choose the topics they value most. We are living in the Information Age where knowledge is readily available on the internet, and not just knowledge of practical facts and figures, but also knowledge about individuals and locales; all of which diversifies the knowledge, skills and abilities of singles.
In the past, the limited complexity of the social realm made finding the perfect match easier because more people shared similar beliefs and expectations. As our society begins to diversify, unless it also becomes less self-centered and more open to compromise, it will become more challenging to find the perfect match because there will be fewer people who share similar goals and beliefs.
The economy will continue to variegate society and we may see shifts in the percentages of our three class system. The average financial lifestyle of the typical bachelor, the unmarried eligible man or woman, will stagnate for the next few years until the economy takes off; this may, in turn, hinder the natural rate at which people get married.
The role of the family institution is changing. Less families can afford to have one parent stay at home, more families are having children without being married, and the number of divorces are rising. These changes to the the family unit are contributing to the diversity of expectations singles have for their future families.
Although this report sounds bleak in some aspects, the important thing to realize is that the average American Male now gets married around age 28, and the average American Female now gets married around age 26. Singles should expect to wait longer before getting married and be patient, eventually the economy will clear up, any changes to the social structure of society will be beneficial to those who adapt with them, and no matter how selfish people are they always succumb to isolationism and are willing to make any compromise in order to have a relationship.
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