After my post yesterday I thought I'd make a bold argument by claiming that the key to winning me over is to give me a lot of attention. --Take an interest in my life, do some research of your own on the things that I claim to enjoy. Talk to me on a regular basis. Give me the things I want and you'll start to see me trying to give you things you want.
It's so simple it's stupid.
However, I'll be honest when I say that THAT is the trick to winning ANYONE over. You talk to them, you get to know them. You ask them questions and you answer their questions. You take a genuine interest in their life and you don't repeat questions that have already been answered because you listened the first time, were interested the first time, and ate it all up the first time. Listen, and take an interest. That's the key to developing a solid relationship with anyone, whether it's the cop who you are trying to swoon to overlook a few issues on your drivers license, or your husband who has suddenly lost "interest" in you.
1When it comes down to it, if you really are interested in someone and you want them to be interested in you too, or you want them to do things for you, all you have to do is build a good relationship with them in which they trust you and want to help you out.
2You can build relationships in the first 30sec of meeting someone that will do this for you. --I get people to give me gifts all the time who do not know me but who take an interest in me and desire to please me. It's crazy, I know, but it works. And it's also very dangerous because it's so easy to manipulate people and fake "interest" in them so that they'll help you out.
3It isn't as simple as it sounds, well, it isn't as easy to do as it sounds, and it's even harder to do it long term--(which is why when you use it to manipulate people you have to be fully committed to manipulating or you lose interest and you give up, of you start taking interest in what they are giving you and not the person, and they start to get smart and recognize that you're interested in their money or means and not them as a person)
You can apply these 3 statements to every person in your life just as a micro example, lets say you want to get free desert from someone:
1. You find someone who has desert and you take an interest in that person. You approach them, you talk to them.
2. You devote the first few minutes with them building up the right kind of relationship in which this person will desire to give you desert because they enjoy or appreciate you.
3. You put a lot of devotion into pleasing them for that first few minutes and suddenly they are convinced that your company is worth giving you desert.
Boom.--Trade-off. You get your just dessert, they make a friend, they enjoy your company, you flatter them, they feel good about themselves, etc. etc.--the benefits from someone taking an interest in your life outweigh 90% of people's other priorities. Even babies learn this and that's why they cry to get your attention: because they know they're being taken care of if you're in the room giving them attention.
Before you dismiss everything I just said above as hogwash, let me explain something else: the life of an entertainer, whether it's a singer, a movie star, etc. etc. When you go to a show, you're paying them to entertain you. You like the entertainers who you can relate to either because they are your counter, because you are just like them, or because they bring out emotions in you that you don't often experience. --The trade off. You get these feelings, you feel intrigued, you make a "friend" out of someone imaginary but that you can relate to, recognize, and sympathize with, and they get your money and your full attention and fame.
Ethically speaking though, is it right to have relationships with such trade-offs?--I would say yes, with a clause...
The clause is that everything has to be real. You need to take a real interest in someone before you eat their cookies. You need to believe it and they need to believe it. If all you're doing is sucking up to someone who you don't like in order to get something from them then you're being quite unethical because you're giving them something that isn't real in exchange for something they own that is real. You can't give away fake emotions. --that's one of the rules in film directing too: You can't give away fake emotions. Your actors have to be really feeling it or A)you're giving your audience garbage. B)you're making money unethically.
And it's that simple. Are you convinced yet?
One of these days I'll get around to persuading you on why it's so important to be ethical, but not today. Just trust me. It is.
I didn't mention this, and maybe tomorrow I'll write about it (note to self): Not all exchanges are equal. Sometimes one person gets a better deal than the other person. Discounts are like that: people give you 50% off because they know you'll do other things with that as well, such as purchase more products (more money for them), get rid of their excess supply (liquidate it), or become a return customer, or even just come to the store in the first place--my point is, even though there are "discounts" there are also things going on behind the surface that you don't see and yet somewhat make up for what looks like a rip off.
ReplyDeleteNow apply that to me going around to get desserts: Well, let me just say that I'm more loyal to people who have given me desserts and so when it comes time to lay the blame one someone I avoid those people. I also tend to be more inclined to aid people who have helped me in the past. Politicians do it too when they accept campaign donations and etc. etc. --Is it fair? Not always. Can it be avoided? Always.
I will DEFINITELY explain that one tomorrow!